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When I tell people that Ruchi (my wife) and I had a long-distance relationship for 2 years when I was studying in the US, an obvious question is “How did you two manage?”

And the answer – as crazy as it may sound, is in part – “because we spoke only once a week”.

You see, I think a big reason why relationships are hard and have become harder, is because the two individuals are perpetually in each other’s face!

Today’s technology allows for that.
WhatsApp, video calling, social media, location tracking – it seems wonderful, isn’t it?
Until it isn’t.

Before becoming a partner to someone else, we need to become a friend to ourselves.

And that means, distance.
Distance helps.
It helps us process what we go through and what we went through.

When I was in the US in 2002, none of this technology existed.
Calling was expensive.
I could only afford a 30 minute call once a week.
So that was what it was.

Every Thursday, I would call Ruchi on her landline.
And we would talk for 30 minutes, through a calling card.
Which meant there was no “speak to me for 5 minutes more”.
In 30 minutes, the call would disconnect.

So we were focused.
We cherished those 30 minutes.
It was all we had.

So we didn’t engage in random chatter.
That was the time we caught up on each other’s lives.
And it was the time when we had to be careful of what we chose to share.
Because time was precious.
It was our currency.

Our next opportunity would come after a week!

Imagine if that was the case today.
Imagine if all you got was 30 minutes with your partner every week.

How differently would you act?

Would you still engage in that useless fight? Pick up that unnecessary argument? Lose your patience over that random person you felt threatened by?
Or would you do everything to make the other person feel loved? And cared for? And heard?

Just because you can speak to your partner every second, do not.
Just because you can connect with them on demand, do not.

Give yourself the space to long for them.
For them to long for you.

Do not misuse the privilege you have.
Do not waste a relationship because technology made it easier to start one.

Relationships still need to be built.
Build one!

Recall the time when we asked a question in class and our teacher dismissed it as a stupid question?

Suddenly we felt alone.

The entire class laughed at us.
We felt the teacher doesn’t like us anymore.
We wondered why we asked in the first place.
The best thing would have been to shut up instead.

So, that’s what we did.

We stopped asking.
We stopped questioning.
Instead, we focused on memorising answers.
Answers that helped us score in exams.

Today, as adults, we have trained ourselves to not ask.
Just to answer.

What we do not realise is that the only way to grow in life is by asking questions.
To never ever stop your curiosity.
Especially because of what we think people might think.

That’s the way I have grown.
And I love this way of growing :)))

1. Do something together that you used to do as a child.
2. Help them. They are getting older.
3. Tell them you are thankful for them.

In 2012, I was 32 years old.
And weighed 90 kgs!

All my life, I had treated my body like a dustbin.
Dumped it with bad food at erratic times, with total disregard.

An accident led me to work on my health.

At that time, my colleague Ajay Singh gifted me a very tight tee shirt, that he called “Embarrassment Tee”.

He said:

“Ankur, whenever you go to the gym, you will wear this tee.
People are perhaps going to laugh at you.
You will feel embarrassed.
But this tee shirt will be a constant reminder that work still needs to be done!”

Using that metaphor, I still remind myself that I have work to do.
I still put myself in situations where I could get embarrassed.
I still wear an embarrassment tee.

Not only for fitness.
For life!

I tried JEE twice.
Didn’t clear it.

Tried IIT again for MSc.
Didn’t clear it.

All these times it seemed like the end of my world.
It wasn’t.

That exam, that job, that relationship, that target, that goal.
That isn’t the end of your world.

One of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking I will keep my parents happy with the money I make.
I will send them on vacations, buy them things, and make their life comfortable.
But the busier I got, the less happy they were, despite all the things they now had.

The truth is that we have much less time with our parents than we think.
Our parents are going to die, and we have no idea when.
Sadly, we do not have all the time in the world.

So call them.
Tell them you love them.
Thank them.
Spend time with them.

Because all that our parents really want is us spending more time with them.

True relationships do not need things to grow.
They need time.
So be sure to give your loved ones this time.

I started my newsletter 156 weeks back (exactly 3 years) and have never missed a week!

It started all over the place.
I didn’t know what to share, how much to share, and how much to ask.

Over time, I found my rhythm.

All through the journey though – one thing never changed.
That I write my newsletter with the aim of helping you.
And every week – through the hundreds of emails I receive (YES, I do read ALL the replies), I know this aim is being served.

With this 3-year anniversary, I wish to bring one more change.

Make this email about you!

Every week, you get to ask me questions – these could be personal questions, generic questions, anything.
And every week I will pick up 3 questions to answer, keeping your identity private.

To know how, read the newsletter here: https://bit.ly/44jVbpK 

It has become fashionable to startup today.

In the world of Shark Tank, everyone thinks they should start their own business.
Worse, people think that those in a job are losers.
They have sold their soul.
They have become part of a rat race.

That’s a lie.

A corporate job early in your career can shape you up meaningfully.

1. It gives you financial stability. Which sets up a good foundation.
2. It teaches you the power of planning, of systems, of processes.
3. It shows you the magic of teams and how your individual contribution at a micro level comes together with that of several others, to create impact at a macro level.

What is the one thing you have learnt from your job?

There is one scene from the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that lives rent-free in my head.

When all the three characters are about to jump for their skydive, Imraan (played by Farhan Akhtar) is afraid to take the leap.
Arjun (played by Hrithik Roshan) sees his fear, and in that moment, he says:
LET IT GO.
LET IT GO, IMRAAN.

Whenever I see the scene, I get the chills.
Because it is such a powerful scene.
And so true for our lives!

There are many things we want to pursue.
There are also several factors holding us back.
All it requires is that ONE moment of faith.
The moment we push through.
The moment we let it go.

To make way for what we truly want.

“I don’t have time!”

When people say this, what they are essentially saying is that they do not have energy.
But what kind of energy are they lacking?

Physical energy:

– Quality of your sleep.

– When and what you eat.

– Your fitness.

Emotional energy:

– Do you have self-confidence?

– Do you talk positively to yourself?

Mental energy:

– Are you creative?

– Are you optimistic?

Spiritual energy:

– Do you have integrity and commitment?

– Are you honest?

If you eat shit, sleep late, and lie to yourself that you will fix it tomorrow,
It doesn’t matter how well you have scheduled yourself for the next day.
Your day will be shitty!

It isn’t about managing time.
It has always been about managing your energy!