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As humans, leaders and wise humans, we love to solve problems for others. 

It makes us feel better, and we believe that it would make them feel better as well.

Except, that it doesn’t.

Smart people suffer from a problem called The Curse of Intelligence. 

They want to solve things fast.
Make everything aligned.
Remove the chaos. 

It hardly helps anyone. 

The one whose problem needs to be solved – the company, the family or friend have a certain way of operating that is different from who we are as an individual.

A smart way is to ask questions. 

Questions help them understand the problem better.
So do they help us. 

The best part? The one seeking for help gets it in the manner best for them.

Someone is not respecting you for your work.

Someone else took your important project lightly. Someone else made fun of you.

All this keeps you questioning yourself.

“Am I doing things right? Do I deserve to be here? Maybe they all are right!”

When they don’t treat us right, it’s rarely because of us.
They’re themselves dealing with a lot. Sometimes even without being aware.

Your value is a measure of what you bring to the table, your confidence and cool, and how you have the courage to figure things out when the plan has failed. 

It is rarely a function of what others do to you.

Pegging your value to how others treat you is like pegging your health to the health of others. 

Hardly correlated.

“You must be outgoing and hanging around with people. Your introversion isn’t going to help you!”

Almost every introvert has not only heard these lines, they have also lost touch with themselves whenever they’ve tried to fit into the world this way.

Introversion isn’t being curled up in a room forever and not talking to anyone. 

Introversion and extroversion are rather a manner of how we respond to stimuli.
As author Susan Cain notes, “For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight. For others, a lamplit desk.”

It becomes increasingly important to know this, as 1 out of every 2 or 3 people are introverts. Imagine the collective damage we’re doing as a society.

Like every other important thing, life and our perceptions take a twist when we become more aware. And accepting of our/others’ introversion.

I often talk about suggesting kids in their 20’s to go about exploring different career options. 

But what should you do when you have really found what you love, you’re good at it, and the world is ready to pay you for it?

Double down on what you’ve found. 

Think of what all could be possible and what kindles the fire in you. 

Ask yourself what is the next level in the field you’ve picked.

And then, work super hard on being the best at it.

Exploration never stops. Rinse and repeat.

You’re starting something you’ve never done. It’s making you anxious. You find yourself lacking confidence.

What if I fail? What if I’m laughed at? What if my critics say: “I told you!”

It’s impossible to have 100% confidence when you’re starting something new. 

However, it’s 100% possible to know that you will figure it out.
That you care about your progress more than what people think of you.
That even if you fail, you will own it and make it better.

Confidence that you don’t have confidence as of now but will figure things out is the only confidence you ought to have.

Someone was kind to you for a long time.
Now, all of a sudden they’ve become rude.

This leaves you questioning.
How could they change? Why did they change? Did I do something wrong?
Somehow it has started affecting your self worth in that relationship. 

Here’s the truth: People don’t change. They just surface. Depending on their life circumstances or even the situations. 

When we accept people for where they are, we don’t do them a favour. We do one to ourselves.

I’ll be happy when I find my partner.
I’ll be happy when my parents understand me.
I’ll be happy when my efforts are applauded.

I’ll be happy “when”…

When we attach a “when” to happiness, we make it conditional. Someone else has to take the responsibility to do something that will make us happy. That’s a huge onus to place on those who aren’t even aware they are carrying a heavy load.

The safer and more convenient option is to own our happiness. To be able to control our factors and definition of happiness. To be happy alone.

Happiness in relationships is not contingent. Happiness is a relationship with ourselves. When we have that relationship right, we become happier in all other relationships.

If it made you happy yesterday, don’t put the pressure on it to make you happy today as well.

We humans change. External things don’t.

A wiser choice is to pick something different that matches your current state of happiness.

One of the happiest definitions of happiness is to know that happiness isn’t rigid. Nothing could be a happier realisation!

I often talk about suggesting kids in their 20s to go about exploring different career options. 

But what should you do when you have really found what you love, you’re good at it and the world is ready to pay you for it?

Double down on what you’ve found. Think of what all could be possible and what kindles the fire in you. Ask yourself what is the next level in the field you’ve picked.

And then, work super hard on being the best at it.

Exploration never stops. Vertical one just follows horizontal. Rinse and repeat.

As humans, leaders and wise humans, we love to solve problems for others. It makes us feel better, and we believe that it would make them feel better as well.

Except, that it doesn’t.

Smart people suffer from a problem called The Curse of Intelligence. They want to solve things fast. Make everything aligned. Remove the chaos. 

It hardly helps anyone. The one whose problem needs to be solved – the company, the family or friend have a certain way of operating that is different from who we are as an individual.

A really smart way is to ask questions. Questions help them understand the problem better. So do they help us. 

The best part? The one seeking for help gets it in the manner best for them.