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awesome feeling….
my feet were literally shivering as i walked towards A-01. i cudnt even dare to see who lives there now…but there was this sudden rush that i experienced…when i sat on the very same stairs infront of the b-blk…
it was suddenly 6 months back…and it was the same time..the same place…the same me…and yet it somehow didnt belong to me..!! but it still was an awesome feeling…
spent 2 days at ISB…officially down for the Kearney recruitment talk…and had a BLAST! the sheer feeling of being back was too overwhelming. more so for SB who just cudnt stop feeling senti. the first night..he drank a bit and then we walked around the campus for some 45 minutes…in the rain…while he narrated stories from the 1st batch. and we were lucky enough to catch a dunking…post which he jst said..”now i can die in peace..!!”
the 1st evening was well received. the turnout was decent…but the enthu was contagious. somehow this batch hasnt failed to impress me with that.
its beautiful…how this single place…holds so much of fascination for me. the sheer thought of being there again makes me wanna do it right away…
ofcourse…on the flip side…i cudnt spend as much time with some people…as i wud hv liked to. so sorry AD, SS, SL…very soon..!!
54 hrs…6 hrs of sleep…
never felt so fresh before…
…awesome feeling…
~a
Dubai…by the dark….
64 sec exposure.
done in B/W on purpose
~a
same message…handled differently…
inspired
R and i were heading towards K’s place. catching up on life in the past 5 days…and planning the evening ahead. its rare that i listen to music in the car when with her…! but had burnt a new CD and (i dont know if someone else has it) there is this unusual excitement as to which will be the next song. cause you really dont remember when you had put them in an order…to be written…
kaise tujhko dikhaun yahaan hai kya
Maine jharne se paani maa
tod ke piya hai
Guchcha guchcha kai khwabon ka
uchal ke chuwa hai
Chaaya liya bhali dhoop yahaan hai
Naya naya sa hai roop yahan
Yahaan sab kuch hai maa phir bhi
lage bin tere mujhko akela
i kept drivin…she kept looking out her window…there was no talk…
…and we looked at each other…and we had tears in our eyes…
unfortunately i have never really credited cinema with much. i know that SRK has a lot to do with this…but seriously…’bollywood/hollywod/crapwook’ never held any value for me except for pure viewing pleasure. it was rarely that i came out of a screening all shaken up…contemplating…thinking about what just struck me…! there are only a few movies that went that far…
1. Pi
2. The Shawshank Redemption
3. A Clockwork Orange
4. Requim for a dream
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. City of God
7. Motorcycle Diaries
8. American History X
9. The Matrix
10.The Fight Club
11.Schindler’s List
And no…i am not an angrez who swears by hollywood…! there have been quite a few (unfortunately…a few) movies in hindi that still have me in awe. Anand, 3 deewarein (shit…i really have to think hard here..!)
However, 2 movies lately have fascinated me…
and that…finally…is the theme of today’s entry..
Rang De Basanti
The movie made me feel pathetic…about my life. I figured that no matter what MG says…at somepoint of time i will have to stand infront of the mirror and be hard on myself. at somepoint of time i will have to question my very existence…and my purpose. its surely not to sit infront of a laptop and churn our excel sheets. its certainly not to get married and see my kids become the finest kids ever..! and its surely surely not to get that bloody hasselblad of my last post.
And this movie…made me question all of that. it got so hard on me…that each time i spend lavishly on something…there is a certain guilt that takes over. and that guilt doesnt easily go when i sign that monthly check to CRY. infact it gets only bigger. it only reminds me that as an individual i feel that offering money is my excuse to exist. i dont even know where the money is going…!!
this movie made me realize the power of cinema. the reservation protests…the opening of the priyadarshini mattoo case…the retrial of the jessica lal case…were as if retakes of the same movie. it literally reawakened an entire generation…
and i am not far behind….
Lage raho Munnabhai
Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. It made me laugh…made me cry…made me think…and more importantly…left a message so powerful…and in such a subtle manner…that it was only later that i reazlied what a stroke of genius this was.
i personally never really had a strong opinion on Gandhi. ofcourse…it takes a lot to move an entire nation and i dont know how many of us are capable of doing so…(and no…mallika sherawat is not what i am talking about…!)..! so the respect is there. but apart from that…i used to feel…what if we had resorted to violence…wud we have gotten our independence a decade earlier…?
but what the movie made me realize was that i at my own small level have been practising the same thing..! i am not the agressive sorts…rarely will i raise my voice…and if i think about it…my way of dealing with things has truly helped me. dont know if it would work with someone else…but for me…the main idea is that if the other person is wrong…make him feel guilty about it…so so guilty about it that he never does it again. but do it in a manner that he himself realizes it…and is not forced upon by society and laws. its hard…cause it takes a lot of time…but it works…works wonderfully..!
silence…is the best weapon…! i love this in me…narcissistic or whatever…tht silence coms naturally to me. people think that simply slapping someone is the best form of retaliation…however…silence is the cruelist..!
gandhigiri…or whatever you may want to call it…found itself redefined through the movie.
contrast
RDB shoke me…munnabhai amused me.
RDB made me feel horrible within…munnabhai consoled me of my potential
RDB was shock therapy…munnabhai was ‘Patch Adams’
2 movies…almost the same message…almost diametrically opposite ways of treating…
~a
PS: help me with hindi movies that can create the same effect.
communities….
as MG pointed out in last evening’s conversation…i tend to worry a lot.
and i agree…
out of all the things that make me question our existence on a daily basis..there is one that has been troubling me for quite sometime now..! sleepness nights…bouts of anxiety and depression…breathlessness…and sudden heartpains usually accompany the thought….and there is no escapin..
in search for my quest for freedon…i turn to you…please help me…
WHAT IN GOD’S NAME WAS THIS DUDE THINKING…WHEN HE CREATED THIS THREAD…!
here is a game …..its called SLAP SLAP SLAP ;)
very simple
just slap the person above n state the reason why he/she deserves the phaataaaaak ;)
OH NO NO…THATS NOT IT….
How old do you think the person above you is… make a guess
Dont peek into profiles ….k…
BETTER STILL…
I have seen this game on another channel but its fun:)
If ur daddy arranges ur marraige wid the person abouve u ……wht u will do……
AND THIS TAKES THE TROPHY
An interesting game…Just tell…what u wanna do with the above person…….
1. Shake Hand
2. A Hug
3. A Kiss
4. A Kick
5. A Slap
6. A Look
7. A Smile
8. A Wink ;)
9. Dont want to even look at
10.Ask her/him out
12.Walk away
Let’s start….
and if the pain wasnt enough…its always heartening to see that each of these historic milestones have gotten more than 10,000 REPLIESSS………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
these gem of a masterpiece were created on what could potentially be the biggest threat to manking after AIDS…! and its called orkut..!
i am telling you guys..(and PK knows this already)…very soon google will be controlling our relationships. we email through it…chat through it…make friends through it…and then search for stuff to kill then with through it…!
very soon…
~a
PS: on a different and a much happier note…i have finally…after years of search…found my dream machine. i know an upgrade will come by as soon as i post this…but then…what the heck…i am in love with this…
The Hasselblad Digital SLR
At USD 30,000…my calculations predict exactly 4.386 generations before i lay my hands on this…!
life has really moved on….
i believe that nature has a wonderful way of telling you what to do next…or to make you realize that what you are doing shouldnt be done. and the best part is that it will do so in a manner that will make you believe it was your own choice…all the way…
i saw Swades last night. was a tad dissapointed. possible because i was watching it at a time when dozens of praises had already been registered by my conscience. so i was expecting a lot more than i got. somehow…i cant credit SRK with much. no matter how powerful the script…something has to happen to certify SRK as the hero of the movie. i didnt get the point of the scene wherein he was trying to generate electricity through the turbine and had to pull out that straw bunch after the turbine failed to reach 230 volts. PLEASE…why does HE have to be the one doing it…when there were hundred others. not that he used his NASA knowledge to figure out what the problem was…!!
anyways…i am loosing track. the movie wasn’t powerful. it didnt hit me. i did cry one occasion…but that surely wasnt cause of the powr of the script.
what struck me though…and this is where i link myself to the 1st para…was his reason to come back. he felt that his life has moved on…in a way that had left others behind…people who at some point of time were really precious to him.
and when i think of myself…i figure i am no different.
Today is the 5th of Sep…and i know that i havent called someone when i should have…(and who i did call for 4 years before i just stopped…one fine day). I do send her flowers every year…but havent met her since 1.5 yrs…! and come to think of it…at one point of time…she was the most important person in my life. someone who literally ‘made’ me…what i am today…!
Today is the 5th of Sep…and i wrote to him after almost a month (and after watching the movie). there was a time when we wouldnt go to sleep before talking to each other. when he used to call me at random hours…and we used to chat for hours thereafter. when i used to keep my landline under my blanket so as to not disturb my folks from the ringtone that would come at 2 in the morning…! and even though i still think of him as my closest guy friend…i shudder on the thought that it must just be on paper
Today is the 5th of Sep…and its been alsmost 2 weeks sinc ei have met her. when i left for dubai this time around…she told me…”i kept waiting for you…ab aayega nandu…ab aayega nandu…”…and i had tears in my eyes. i realized that an effort that will take me 30 mins…will give her priceless happiness. and yet i chose to be lazy…
Today is the 5th of Sep…and i didnt watch Swades for all that i am feeling. i choose to watch it for what i had heard about it…! and yet nature…had its way of telling me…”dude…u cudnt hv expected more out of SRK…but u sure did realize something that you were doing wrong…”
live has surely moved on…
~a
long time….
thanks daddy for reminding me…i had been procastinating…partly cause i wanted to…partly cause i didnt have a choice…
work has been maddening lately…i was ‘almost’ handling 2 projects at the same time for the past 3 days…hv slept not more than 4 hours at a stretch in the past 3 nights…and have been almost labelled as a zombie by the man in the mirror.
bday…came and went…though it was quite relaxed. after a long time spent it with family…met R in the evening…cut a cake…and all..!
however, i have never ever had so many people wishing me…
- 221 orkut scraps (my bosses would be happy to note that none of my replies to all of these scraps came during office hours!)
- 28 emails (wow…!)
- 15 sms-es (and i thought that sms-es were the way to go…for the future)
- 11 phone calls
thank you…orkut birthday reminder…www.birthdayalarm.com…yahoo reminders….google alerts…outlook calendar….
…
dad is doing much better…will be starting office this week…inshallah…(!)…the doctors were really happy with his progress and it was during the review session did they disclose that he had literally come out from the most severe form of infection that could have hit his pancreas..!
happy news…
- daddy got his visa…so he shall be leaving for yankee land very soon…
- my final settlement from NIS (yes…the same company i used to work for some 1000 days back..!!)…came…and i am slightly rich now
- almost…almost…completed the model that i was working on…to some awesome relief…
- have a 3 day weekend this time…and am going for a road trip on saturday….wassssuuuupppp
life’s good…
~a
PS: daddy..(and this is god damn the 3rd time i am mentioning you)…there was one girl that didnt like me when she 1st met me…and i am to marry her next year…! i guess that was the criteria..! :)
11 days…of india..of sleeplessness…and of housekeeping…
so dad’s pancrease…which according to the doc had been over-worked cause of his gall bladder removal 8 yrs back…suddenly decided to go on a ‘pancreatic fundamentalist drive’. basically…trying to show that if desired…they can beat the shit out of someone…!
and boy they did…
he was in the hospital for 11 days…! and its horrible this way especially when you dont expect it. what was to become a sweet tide 4 day vacation for me…turned out to be a 11 day india ‘working from home’ stint…
- i drove, on an average, 100kms a day….up and down the hospital
- took charge of the house while mum stayed with dad…so basically…milking the cow…clearing the bullshit…making dung cakes…and washing clothes (am really serious this time!)
- worked for 8 hrs daily…4 hrs on live dubai time…and 4 hrs in the night…
- slept, on an average, for 4-5 hrs daily
- felt really really tired at the end of it all…
and lessons learnt – such situations will bring you face to face with the ‘real’
- while some people (and some of them really not expected to..) called up and mailed and messaged frequently…checking on dad’s health…some (and some of them expected to..) lost complete touch
- my manager didnt even wait for me to ask…before asking me to work from home. i left for india on wednesday…and reached dubai the following sunday. not too sure how many firms would have a value system so strong to allow that…with no questions asked. at all times…i had my team’s support…!
- mum…who till abt 15 days back wud feel pukish when entering a hospital…spent 11 days with dad..! she realized a whole new herself…
- dinner with jst my sis…and we had one of the best conversations ever…she talked abt the real her…and i suddenly realized tht we hvnt spent much time together…
- dad cried when i was leaving…
- R and i were both as excited as we were on our first date, when we went to dine together…4 days after i had been in india and not met her…
11 days…of india..of sleeplessness…and of housekeeping…
and something has changed….yet i remain with the same set of parameters that were governing my life so far…
on a different note…met with Y last night. had a great time with her….and realized that some relationships jst take off…and you dont ever know why. i wud hv never imagined tht i wud meet her again….forget the fact that it wud happen in a whole together different country….
life’s good…!
~a
my version….
there was a time…no so long ago…when i used to treat the ‘Reader’s Digest’ as a must read. this was much before i started reading the same for its jokes..only…! anyways…so this one time…there was a wonderful article on this dude who, when he was 18, made a list of 30 things he would wanna do before he turned 30. its almost a cliche now…but at that time the idea sounded quite cool. and this dude actually went on to accomplish each and everything on that list…and the article was all about how he managed to do so. just so you know…the things listed there were not exactly…”brush everyday”…but “travel on a bike for more than 3000 miles” sorts..!!!
and then…after a deulge of such posts by EU and SB….here is my version of the things i have done…would want to do…and would never want to do…(and this would be extremely India specific…somewhat inspired from EU’s entry…and in no specific order)
Index:
- Have done
- Want to do
- Dont want to do
- thrown garbage on the road…paused….picked it up and dropped it in the thrash
- had golgappas from the same guy who pulled out his snort a minute back
- ran after a bus and caught it finally
- slapped an auto guy cause he refused to go where you wanted to
- saved a lady from being harassed/molested
- watched an entire episode of krishi darshan
- been on a bus…with just one foot on it
- driven without a license
- driven at more than 120 kmph
- drove away when a traffic cop tried to stop you
- asked a cop “jaante ho main kiska/kiski beta/beti hoon…?”
- for guys alone – scratched your (you know what) thinking that no one saw
- scribbled on a protected monument
- cheated in a school examination
- been on “palace on wheels“
- been to atleast 3 sanctuaries in India
- sang something special…for someone special…
- stayed up all night and saw the sunrise
- met anyone from the indian cricket team
- pee-ed on the road
- milked a cow
- ate sugarcane…the traditional way
- stayed in a village without electricity for more than 2 nights
- shopped for vegetables atleast 100 days in a year
- paid a begger more than rs 100
- had a househelper who was less than 15 years of age
- been to a temple, a church, a gurudwara AND a mosque
- stopped at the red light when no one else was…
- requested for a song on the radio
- called the KBC phoneline atleast once
- waited in a queque for more than 2 hours
- bribed your way through to get a government document
- tipped your barber
- driven a bike in 5 degree centrigrade…with your tee and shorts on
- been to atleast 3 beaches in 3 separate states
- been to the North-east
- travelled to the lakshwadeep islands
- hiked to the mansarovar lake
- studied beyond the age of 23
- started your own business
- driven an ambassador
- looked at the night sky through a telescope
- slept under the stars
- kissed your gf/bf right infront of your parents
- gone dutch on your 1st date
- washed someone else’s puke
- cried in public
- visited the taj mahal
- seen a live cobra
- had dinner with your domestic help…on the same table
- worked on a 386 computer
- tied/worn rakhi to/from a total stranger
- danced naked in your room
- cried infront of your parents, after the age of 18
- touched your parent’s feet
life has been slightly hard lately…more cause of personal reasons. lekin theek hai…it moves on…!!!
~a
PS: and yah…feel free to add stuff to the above…which highlights true india.
cryptic…
trinnnggg….triiingggg….
Mirror: yo…not feeling urself?
Me: dont know dude….wanted to…but something doesnt feel right…
Mirror: i know…its strange right..when something tht is close to you…doesnt mean as much to someone else…
Me: I KNOWW….!! how cud they ever forget whatever happened….did they not feel IT…?
Mirror: maybe they did…and maybe thats precisely why they dont wanna feel it anymore. its not tht u left them with a choice…
Me: i am being selfish here…i always was…and i told them all through…at times to no avail…
Mirror: i am glad you realized that…
Me (smiling to himself): so…whatver i said that evening…is actually turning out to be true…
Mirror: hahaha….as if you didnt know it would.
Me: yahhh…it had to happen…and i dont think i should be bothered anymore…not anymore…
Mirror: :)
Me: thanks dude…
Mirror: thank her…
…………………………….hang up
the entire city infront of me….not a soul in sight…machines making their way through turns and lights…the skyscrapers blinking….my hands folding…my eyes closing…this was always meant to be…involuntary drops of water…my job is done…
Me: i let go…
~a
…wud die a peaceful death…
if i got the chance to click anyone of these snaps…
~a
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