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Ruchi asked me last night – “what was the highlight of the day”. 

It got me thinking. For far longer than I expected. I finally gave her an answer. 

But the answer wasn’t the answer I wanted to give. 

Of course there was a highlight of the day. All days would have one. But was it the highlight I wanted? 

For a long time, we have been asking the wrong questions it seems 

What’s the best thing you have done

What’s the thing you are proudest of 

What’s your most cherished moment 

Which achievement did you have work the hardest for 

All these questions are trying to find what I call “local maxima”. 

It’s a statistical term – and simply put it means picking a small range in a graph and finding the highest point in the curve.

All these questions will of course have an answer. Even the most depressed guy on earth will have a “happiest” moment. The one who thinks he has few achievements will have one that he is proud of. There will be one moment in everyone’s life they will cherish. 

We are trying to find the highs in the range of their own lives. 

There is another concept in statistics

Global maxima

If you look at the curve in its entirety, what’s the highest point. 

Which moment, if created, would you love to have as your most cherished 

Which achievement, if accomplished, would you be proudest of 

What would you love to be remembered as

What would you want your highest point in life to be 

The best thing in your life so far should not be the best thing in your life ever. 

Not the real one (am not judging). 

But the one you get in corporate life. It goes like this. 

A colleague comes up with a problem. Seeking a solution. 

And you give a solution. 

Instantly. Right then and there. 

That instant solution is your cocaine. 

That instant decision making is your drug. 

You love it. You feel good about yourself. You solve stuff. Instantly. With minimal information. You have never said “I don’t know” or “let me think about it” or asked “what do you think about it” or “how would you solve it”. 

You just solved it. You are an instant problem solver. 

Here is the deal with instant problem solvers

They don’t respect their own time. They love the noise or people walking up without notice, looking for solutions. 

And they don’t respect your problems. If they did they won’t have the urge to solve it for you. 

Instant problem solving is cocaine

Cocaine is bad for you. And people around you 

At the gym, on the 12th rep, the trainer asks you to do 5 more

“I can’t do it” 

Your boss asks you to get something done by this Thursday 

“I can’t do it” 

Your friend asks you to sing a song for her on her birthday 

“I can’t do it” 

Someone you know is planing to go to the Everest base camp this year

“I can’t do it” 

The statement is a lie. The biggest lie ever told. 

It’s a proxy for “I am not willing to put in the effort to make this happen” 

The next time around, don’t use your capability as an excuse. 

Capability is rarely the question mark in life. It’s always intent. 

Vulnerability is the state of being open to injury, or appearing as if you are. 

My Failure Resume generated some heart warming reactions. What I didn’t expect (but was hoping for) was that almost none of them were about “omg, you have failed so much and yet succeeded. That’s so awesome”

Instead, it was “it’s powerful to see someone like you making themselves vulnerable” 

I do not recall the phase of life that turned me comfortable with being vulnerable. I wasn’t so always, not even close. Not completely, even today. 

But I do know that the act of standing naked in front of others, knowing very well that you have nothing to hide anymore, is liberating.

One, it removes all pretense. You don’t have to remember what you said or showed to someone. 

Two, it makes you work harder. Because now everyone knows what you know. You can’t win because you know something others don’t. 

Vulnerability is a hard thing to get used to. Once you get used to it, chances are you wouldn’t know any other way. 

Be genuine

I was driving with a friend. And were stuck in a jam. In true Delhi style, the car behind didn’t seem to care about the jam. He owned the road and wanted to tell the world. So he kept honking incessantly. 

We were moving at a slow pace. Had we been still I would have stepped out and given him 30 seconds of free counseling. 

As soon as the road cleared, I gave him way. Because I had a point to prove. 

Now he was ahead of me. The power equation had tilted. I was in control now. I started honking incessantly 

My friend, a mute spectator until now, remarked, “there is no difference between him and you now”

He was right!

When trying to prove a point, don’t become them. 

“Now you know how it feels” is almost always the worst way to make someone realize their fault. 

For the first 22 years of my life I knew exactly who I was. What I wanted out of life. How was I to get there. And what my choices were in life. 

For the first 22 years of my life, I lived life on my opinions, my beliefs, my values. Rarely questioning them. Blindly following them. And unfortunately, abhoring those that didn’t fall into the same world view. Stereotyping them. Judging. 

People who drink are bad

Those that party in clubs don’t have purpose 

Those that took commerce were losers

Those who didn’t believe in aliens were living in an illusion

Those with money were all spoilt

Those against my world views were not going to go anywhere in life! 

I was so wrong! 

The US changed me. It opened up different dimensions. This exposing sides of me I didn’t know existed. 

I threw myself into situations that made me uncomfortable. 

I questioned myself – why do I stop myself from doing something. 

By the time I was back – I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

And I didn’t care. 

The feeling of not knowing who you truly are, is liberating. 

It allows you to discover new aspects and experiences. 

It makes you inclusive. 

It brings you closer to the person you could have always been. Should have always been. 

I don’t say no to anything anymore. 

In the process I say yes to Ankur Warikoo – the person I am trying to know. 

Here is a personal guarantee that I am willing to bet my life on 

The time you think you need to get your stuff done, is atleast double of the time it should actually take. 

You just haven’t made the choices of what to give up

You have decided to indulge in activities that don’t add value 

You have little respect of the value of your time 

You can’t distinguish between urgency and importance

You enjoy filling time 

And then wonder where it went 

So the next time you say “will be done by next week” – tell your brain “by 8am tomorrow” 

Speaking, just when you feel like it, is an activity requiring least possible energy (and prowess)

One can do it anytime. Anywhere. In any position. When faced with any situation. 

Almost anything else instead will require effort

Writing

Illustrating 

Singing 

Painting 

Recording 

Composing

Thinking 

Pausing 

Not reacting 

Almost anything else instead will require judgment. 

Will require you to reflect

Some people are so inexpressive, they only have words to share 

This month I spent a fair share of my time conducting 1:1s with all the teams at nearbuy. Hear them out, their thoughts, views, reactions, responses to whatever is happening to them and around them. 

And I ended my message to them requesting the following:

Do yourself a favor and find out how much value you created for the organization, at the end of every day, week, month, quarter, year. 

——–

We humans are insecure by default. 

In our relationships

At work

In life 

And we seek seek security – in every action of ours. This is the basic emotional need of everyone. 

Ironically, we seek it from the opposite party. 

I want my lover to make me feel secure

I want my organization to make me feel secure

I want my friends to make me feel secure

I want the world to make me feel secure 

That just sounds scary! Resting my most important emotional need in the hands of  someone else? 

Here is the truth about security 

True security comes from within. It comes from knowing the value you add or create. 

The value you add to this relationship 

To this organization 

To this friendship

To this marriage

To this person 

The absence of this knowledge will always make you feel insecure. 

The quantification of this value will never make you fragile 

Determine the value you add. Don’t let anyone define it for you. Don’t let anyone define your security.