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I was driving with a friend. And were stuck in a jam. In true Delhi style, the car behind didn’t seem to care about the jam. He owned the road and wanted to tell the world. So he kept honking incessantly. 

We were moving at a slow pace. Had we been still I would have stepped out and given him 30 seconds of free counseling. 

As soon as the road cleared, I gave him way. Because I had a point to prove. 

Now he was ahead of me. The power equation had tilted. I was in control now. I started honking incessantly 

My friend, a mute spectator until now, remarked, “there is no difference between him and you now”

He was right!

When trying to prove a point, don’t become them. 

“Now you know how it feels” is almost always the worst way to make someone realize their fault. 

For the first 22 years of my life I knew exactly who I was. What I wanted out of life. How was I to get there. And what my choices were in life. 

For the first 22 years of my life, I lived life on my opinions, my beliefs, my values. Rarely questioning them. Blindly following them. And unfortunately, abhoring those that didn’t fall into the same world view. Stereotyping them. Judging. 

People who drink are bad

Those that party in clubs don’t have purpose 

Those that took commerce were losers

Those who didn’t believe in aliens were living in an illusion

Those with money were all spoilt

Those against my world views were not going to go anywhere in life! 

I was so wrong! 

The US changed me. It opened up different dimensions. This exposing sides of me I didn’t know existed. 

I threw myself into situations that made me uncomfortable. 

I questioned myself – why do I stop myself from doing something. 

By the time I was back – I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

And I didn’t care. 

The feeling of not knowing who you truly are, is liberating. 

It allows you to discover new aspects and experiences. 

It makes you inclusive. 

It brings you closer to the person you could have always been. Should have always been. 

I don’t say no to anything anymore. 

In the process I say yes to Ankur Warikoo – the person I am trying to know. 

Here is a personal guarantee that I am willing to bet my life on 

The time you think you need to get your stuff done, is atleast double of the time it should actually take. 

You just haven’t made the choices of what to give up

You have decided to indulge in activities that don’t add value 

You have little respect of the value of your time 

You can’t distinguish between urgency and importance

You enjoy filling time 

And then wonder where it went 

So the next time you say “will be done by next week” – tell your brain “by 8am tomorrow” 

Speaking, just when you feel like it, is an activity requiring least possible energy (and prowess)

One can do it anytime. Anywhere. In any position. When faced with any situation. 

Almost anything else instead will require effort

Writing

Illustrating 

Singing 

Painting 

Recording 

Composing

Thinking 

Pausing 

Not reacting 

Almost anything else instead will require judgment. 

Will require you to reflect

Some people are so inexpressive, they only have words to share 

This month I spent a fair share of my time conducting 1:1s with all the teams at nearbuy. Hear them out, their thoughts, views, reactions, responses to whatever is happening to them and around them. 

And I ended my message to them requesting the following:

Do yourself a favor and find out how much value you created for the organization, at the end of every day, week, month, quarter, year. 

——–

We humans are insecure by default. 

In our relationships

At work

In life 

And we seek seek security – in every action of ours. This is the basic emotional need of everyone. 

Ironically, we seek it from the opposite party. 

I want my lover to make me feel secure

I want my organization to make me feel secure

I want my friends to make me feel secure

I want the world to make me feel secure 

That just sounds scary! Resting my most important emotional need in the hands of  someone else? 

Here is the truth about security 

True security comes from within. It comes from knowing the value you add or create. 

The value you add to this relationship 

To this organization 

To this friendship

To this marriage

To this person 

The absence of this knowledge will always make you feel insecure. 

The quantification of this value will never make you fragile 

Determine the value you add. Don’t let anyone define it for you. Don’t let anyone define your security. 

Started my morning with a heartfelt life story – about how to exit the world.

People share their most honest stories during their last moments.

And that’s true for real life as well.

In 10 years of work experience, the unfortunate realization that’s dawned upon me is that an exit is the only true honest moment one can expect.

I have worked with really smart people, who have given their everything everyday at work.

But strangely only when it was time for an exit, did they emerge as their honest self. And they weren’t always bitter. They just shared how they truly felt. But it had never been shared before that way.

Makes you wonder – what is it about an exit that drives such honesty?

How can organization create this “exit interview” environment everyday?

I got up yesterday at 7am

Went to the gym and had a good workout

Came back. Read the newspaper.

Made breakfast for Ruchi and me

Worked for 3 hours

Lunch

Watched 5 TED videos

Went to watch a play by Rajat Kapoor

Shopped for a few things at the mall

Went for dinner with family

Had meetha paan

Reached home. Worked some more

Slept at 12midnight

Perfect day, isn’t it! 

Except it wasn’t entirely

We stay on the 15th floor. And every Sunday Vidur and I make paper planes from the newspaper pamphlets we receive. And then fly them from our balcony – watching them land.

We couldn’t do that yesterday. He was at his grandparent’s place.

It is really easy to fill time with activities. Activities that give you happiness. Activities defined by the world. Activities that make you learn. That make you emote.

But there is this one thing you do, that is none of the above. It doesn’t have a goal. Neither is it a process. Surely not significant enough to define happiness. Yet there is something about it that’s honest and pious. And each time you indulge in that activity, with no intention, no outcome and no expectation – you learn something new about your own self.

Flying paper planes with Vidur has taught me how hard is it to translate what you know, to someone who doesnt see the world the way you do. 

Folding papers in perfect creases and shapes, isnt something that a 5-year old understands naturally.

It’s obvious to us. Not to them.

And everyday, I make the same mistake. I assume whats obvious to me, is obvious to everyone.

But it isn’t always.

When do you fly your paper planes? 

And what have you learnt from it? 

It’s easy for the world to brand you as a success or failure – depending on their mood and the inflation rate (insert any other irrelevant metric here) 

It is equally easy for you to fall in that trap. 

“I did it” or “I fucked up” – is it truly your measure or what the world told you? Is it your declaration or what the world made you believe? 

Believe in yourself 

Not what you have or haven’t achieved through it. 

There was furor recently on a TechCrunch article that not everyone needs to know how to code. 

And then (thankfully) there was a response – everyone should 

I agree

Just as the past century has been about managing people and how to get work done from them, the next century will be about managing machines. 

And those who think they do not need to know how to manage machines, are the same shitty managers that do not know how to manage people today. 

Today they can hide behind politics, hierarchy, ass licking and organizational bulge. They worry about tomorrow – when none of this will matter. Perhaps not even exist. 

There is a storm coming. 

And every shitty manager will soon realize how little they knew. And how little they cared to change that. 

All the best!