Blog

My tennis coach has been saying just one thing for the past 6 months.

Get the posture right.

He claims that with the right posture, the effort to hit the ball dramatically reduces.

And I have felt it.

Those rare moments when the legs, the hands, the racquet, the weight are all aligned, it’s effortless to hit the ball.

But it isn’t easy. Years of conditioning and bad posturing makes it super hard to get it right.

And that, to me, is coaching.

Quickly getting the fundamentals in order.

And then spending a lifetime just getting the posture right.

Because once it happens – it’s effortless.

That, to me, is also life!

Quickly figuring out the basics.

And then spending the rest of our lives getting the posture right.

When our minds, our body, our emotions are all aligned – the right posture – living life becomes effortless.

But for that – we all need a coach.

Not someone who necessarily plays better than us.

Rather someone who can observe people for who they are, not what the coach thinks they are or should be.

Find your coach. For the right posture.

Stayed at the Oberoi last night.

The previous night at an OYO.

And it was so clear, yet again. The only time we are truly awake, is when we are sleeping.

The conscious mind knows the difference between an Oberoi and an OYO. It seeks to judge. To assign a value. A prestige to the choice.

The subconscious mind couldn’t care less. It is neutral, indifferent, objective.

It is what we should be.

The bed we sleep on is judged by us all the time. Once asleep, our minds are possibly judging us!

Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky invented a fictitious woman named Linda and gave her the below description:

“Linda is thirty-one years old, single, outspoken, and very bright. She majored in philosophy. As a student, she was deeply concerned with issues of discrimination and social justice, and also participated in antinuclear demonstrations.”

People were then asked to cite which statement was more likely:

Linda is a bank teller.

Linda is a bank teller who is active in the feminist movement.

Did you choose the latter option? It’s easy to see someone like Linda being involved in feminist causes. And it’s much easier to picture her in that role than as a bank teller. Undergraduate study participants agreed. Nearly 90% said that Linda was more likely to be a feminist bank teller than a bank teller.

Except this choice completely defies the laws of probability. Since all feminist bank tellers are included within the overall base of bank tellers, the probability of Linda being a feminist bank teller must be lower than the probability of her being a bank teller.

Ask yourself

How many times have you allowed YOUR imagination of someone else come in the way of truly discovering that person?

And then ask the more important question

How many times have you allowed YOUR impression of who you are come in the way of discovering who you truly are?

People usually speak of me as a good listener. As a patient listener. As an empathetic leader. Someone who cares.

The truth is – I only care about learning. And if that learning comes through your story – so be it. If it comes from observing, from listening, from reading, from watching – I will sign up.

And what is it that I wish to learn?

The truth about myself.

Why am I the way I am. Why do some things work for me and some don’t. Why do somethings come easy to me and some don’t.

The truth

And in that pursuit of truth – I will sacrifice a lot and perhaps make people believe a lie. That I care about your story.

I don’t.

I only care about my learning.

An organization’s goal is not to provide a learning platform for people.

An organization’s goal is not to plan for people’s careers and aspirations. Or to cater to their ambition.

An organization’s job is not to give people all-rounded experience.

Instead

An organization’s job is to constantly manage risk.

And it manages risk by placing the best and most relevant individuals in the right roles.

It manages risk by bringing in experts that don’t always reinvent the wheel.

It manages risk by diversifying itself (not its people).

So if your organization wants you to become an expert in something, this is the context. It’s just doing its job!

This is a story of 2 sisters.

The elder one asks the younger one, “describe what according to you is a good conversation.”

The younger one thinks for a while and shares.

“Respect. For me a good conversation is about respect.

Where I feel there is mutual respect.

I don’t feel threatened. Or embarrassed. Or stupid.

There is no hate, anger, abuse, accusation.

The conversation leaves me with a nice feeling.

That’s a good conversation.”

“That is a lovely description”, remarks the elder one. “Tell me of the last time you didn’t have such a conversation with someone else.”

“Ummm, I can’t recall any bad conversations lately. Most conversations I have had have been good. Even if not entirely, then definitely in that direction.”

The elder one then remarked.

“That’s awesome! You haven’t had a bad conversation, one that comprises hatred and abuse and accusation and disrespect, with anyone lately.

Then how is it that you have had such conversations with your own self?”

You see, the elder one knew that the younger one is low on self confidence. That she has massive self doubt.

And to help her heal she had two options.

Option 1: “Don’t feel this way. Don’t do it. This is wrong. You know it’s wrong. Fix yourself.”

Option 2: “This is who you could become. Do you like this other person? You already are this person. What will it take you to become one for your own self?”

Option 1 accuses.

It corners people. It asks them to change.

Ironically, people cling on to what they have even more. Because who likes to be stripped away from their identity. Every one of us would like to belong.

Option 2 exposes the options.

This is who you could become. This is what you could feel. This is all that is available as your choices. Do you like any of these choices? Do you already exercise some of them?

When trying to change people, including and especially yourself – don’t accuse them of who they are. Instead, show then who all they could be!

Sometimes the worst relationships we have to save ourselves from, is the one we have with our own selves.

Every year around this time I get invited to several business schools for their new batch orientation.

You know, motivation and all :)

And every year, two facts continue to disturb me.

The overwhelming number of engineers in these schools.

And the overwhelming number of men in these schools.

Even the top ones.

So I took to LinkedIn last week – sharing this – asking people if they were ok with these facts. And share what could be done to fix it, or why are they ok, if they were.

The reactions left me even more disturbed.

An unexpected number took this as a call for reservation.

An even higher number made this into a gender battle.

Several (and ironically enough) men came forward to say – it’s the women’s choice. The playing field is completely level. If they work hard they will get through too.

And some accused me of taking the moral high ground – who am I to?

4 comments out of 600+ stood out, for their maturity, their thoughtfulness and their objectivity.

4.

Out of 600.

We are all guilty – to see the world through our frame of reference, our context, our bias.

Rarely stopping to realize the privileges and entitlement we sit on.

And at the smallest excuse – we don’t shy away from sharing our propaganda from within.

When you see red flags through red-tinted glasses, you don’t see red flags.

You see only flags!

There was a time when people’s attention was available, content wasn’t as freely available, reactions were not as amplified (or maybe we never got to hear about them!).

It was a world where what you knew was the most important skill.

Today,

Attention is limited. And precious.

Content is everywhere. Every time.

Reactions are instant. And exaggerated.

Which doesn’t undermine the importance of what you know.

However, how you say it – becomes just as important if not more important.

Storytelling – is hands down the most important skill today!

History is testimony to this.

The most admired, the most powerful, the most successful, the most respected – were not the ones that controlled the biggest armies, controlled the largest area, controlled the smartest people.

Instead the ones that controlled the narrative.

The ones who had the capability to weave a story. Craft a dream. Use words to influence. To generate emotions. A favorable reaction.

You know nothing if you can’t put it across to someone else in a manner they understand.