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He was the topper of our school.
The teachers loved him.
The kids adored him.
And that included me as well.

He was tall, really tall.
Maybe 6’2″?
And he had really long hair.
Which, I thought, added to the enigma that he was.

I remember one day, I asked him, “How come you have such long hair?”
It was a stupid question.
An excuse, frankly.
To speak to him.
He replied, “In the time I go to the barber’s shop, I can complete one more chapter for the exam. So I don’t bother.”

I remember, standing there stunned, in awe.
Admiration.
So busy with pursuing his goal that he couldn’t care less about these trivial things in life.
THIS IS SUCCESS, I told myself.

And for the next decade, I followed that definition of success.
Being busy. Being productive. Ignoring the trivial things in life.
Blocking my day, every single hour.
As if I wanted to impress him – my invisible teacher.

And then the definition of success changed.

For the next decade, I spent all my time with people, as a leader, a manager.
Trying to help them get better at their work.
Their trivial things became my job.
That became my success. Their success.

Today, I don’t want to be busy.
Boredom gives me joy.
Looking at a free calendar gives me joy.
The trivial things give me joy.

It is okay to have a definition of success that keeps changing.
While the presence of success or the desire of it can be constant, its definition needn’t be.
It’s okay if it changes for you.

What is NOT okay is to know that something is not your success anymore, and yet continuing on the path.

When I had dropped out of my PhD and came back to India at the age of 24, I had no plans, no goals, no direction, and no money.

Ma and Papa weren’t too happy, however, I didn’t give them a chance to express their unhappiness.

I still remember that day.
I was brushing my teeth, Ma came sheepishly to me and asked,
“Would you want to consider taking the IAS examination? I think you might make a good IAS officer.”

It was a request.
For me to consider something.

I politely declined, but realised how blessed I was to have parents who would “request” their kids to consider.

I learnt one of the biggest life lessons from Ma that day.

Respect doesn’t come from title, age or experience.
It comes from conduct.

If you scored well, it is not your grades, but your hard work that will help you continue to succeed in life.
Focus on your work, not your marks.

If you did not score well, remember that life is much bigger than your grades.
They are NOT going to define your life.

Do not give up on yourself, okay?

A man was visiting an elephant farm.

He got there, to see massive (almost wild) elephants.

But they weren’t caged.
There was nothing holding them, except for a weak iron chain tied to one of their legs!

To express his surprise, he went up to the owner.

“I must say your elephants are quite disciplined.
Despite being so massive, evidently wild, you have been able to hold them together by just this iron chain and that too tied to just one of their legs.
I mean, they could easily break that iron chain in their sleep, if they wanted to. How impressive!”

The owner smiled.

“Do you want to know how I did it?”
“Of course. How?”

“When these elephants were born, I tied the same iron chain around one of their legs.
They tried to break the chain, but they were too small and incapable.
They tried for days, weeks, months, but they were unsuccessful.
So one day they stopped trying.
Convinced that they were not capable of breaking this chain.
I never had to change the chain, even when they grew up!”

This is our life.

While growing up, there were chains that were tied to us.
Emotional and psychological chains.

“You cannot do this.”
“This isn’t worth it.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Look at them doing it so much better.”
“Are you out of your mind?”

We tried to resist, but these chains were strong back then.
They are not today.
But you stopped trying at some point.

These chains may not exist today.
Even if they do, they are incapable of holding you back.
But they are still holding you back!

To everyone who is reading this – I hope you know that you CAN break these chains.
That you do break these chains.
And become free, finally.

1. Just because someone is good at their work doesn’t mean they will become good managers.
   Managing oneself is very different from managing others.

2. You grow professionally by making your boss’s life easier.
   
3. What counts is 5 years of experience.
   Not 1 year of experience done 5 times.
   
4. Action >>> Thought.
   No one gets rewarded for “I had the same idea much before them.”
   
5. The reward for standing by your promised word is immense.
   Once you have made a commitment, no one should need to follow up on you.
   
6. Jobs are not 9-5 or 10-6 or fixed hours.
   Jobs are the amount of focused time you spend on it.
   
7. If all leaders in the company engage in politics, then it is not politics.
   It is the culture.

We are motivated to do things ONLY under 2 circumstances.

1. We like what we have to do!

?Think about it – we rarely require motivation to do the things that we like doing, things that we want to do.

It just happens.
Without any push.

You could just as much be motivated to workout (if you really like working out), as you could be motivated to sleep 30 minutes more (if you like sleeping).

But this works. Without fail!

2. We are ‘forced’ to do things we do not want to do.

?The reality is – we will NEVER be motivated to do the things we do not want to do, unless there is external pressure applied.

I know when I say external pressure, the construct in your head is most certainly a negative one.
Punishment, rebuke, reprimand, penalty.
Or in serious cases, something that fears us, scares us, scolds us to move, to show up, to get that thing done.

But the external pressure could very well be positive as well.
Financial incentives, acknowledgment, respect, fame, sense of progress.
An accountability partner.
Something that makes us move, that tells us it is non-negotiable to show up, or oddly pleasant to show up.

The key then, is to pick up something you want to do, but do not like doing (say going to the gym).
And then don’t wait for the external pressure.
CREATE that external pressure.

?Hire a trainer. Go with a friend. Sign up for the membership. Commit to a goal publicly. Find a new love interest in your gym. Engage in the gym gossip.
Whatever works for you!

Do it, until you move to circumstance 1.
And you will.

Until then, the created ‘pressure’ is your ally, your friend.
Create it, before the world forces one on you!

Not a single day goes by where people write an email or send a message, with a question they are struggling with.

More often than not, these questions are around their present situation and how they are not happy with it.

Someone is tired of their job.
Someone hates their boss.
Someone feels they are in the wrong relationship.
Someone wants to startup but is not sure if it’s the right move.
Someone wants to move abroad, but isn’t sure which country.

They graciously seek my opinion on it.
But I am no one to offer that.
I do not know. I cannot.

Instead, I ask them my favourite question, “What do you want to do?”

Most people reply with what they think they should do.
What they think should be the right answer.

No!

My question was – what do you WANT to do?
If everything was indeed possible, what would you WANT to do?

Once they come to that point, my next question is, “What is stopping you?”

This is when reality hits hard.
More often than not, it is our own mind.
We have convinced ourselves that we should not pursue what we want to do.

Because it is too risky, because people will laugh, because we might fail, because what will the world say, because we may not get a chance to recover.

But you know what?

A year from now, you will regret not having started today.

I recently met my school friends, 25 years after graduating.

One of them recalled a trip we took together in 2006.
I was 26 back then.
I was sharing with him back then that all of my life’s definition of success was pegged to one thing: “Owning a Honda CRV” :))

It sounds so unlike me today.

In school, success was getting into the IIT.
In college, success was going to the US.
In MBA college, success was a consulting job.
At work, success was a fancy car.
Later on, success was receiving awards.
In my startup, success was becoming a unicorn.
Today, success is owning my time.

I changed.
So did my definition of success.

You will change too.
That’s okay.

?But that ought to change your definition of success too.

Do not remain married to a version of you that doesn’t exist anymore.

Growing up, the 4-letter word in our world was f**k.

Today it is FOMO.
The Fear Of Missing Out.

Missing out on the things our friends are doing.
Missing out on the experiences others are sharing.
Heck, missing out on some random dude posting on IG about some random person they met. And we are like, “Oh man, FOMO ho raha hai!”

There are just too many choices to choose from.
Because of social media, we have the ENTIRE WORLD telling us what they are up to.
And what we could potentially be doing.

It was some years back that Ravi, my nearbuy co-founder, introduced me to JOMO.
The Joy Of Missing Out.

When you miss out on something, you still have something else with you.

That moment.
That precise moment, which is yours.
Nobody else’s.

At that moment, when you see the picture of your friend enjoying, close your eyes and breathe in what you have.

Let go of what your friend might be going through.
Which most likely is also FOMO, from their other friend.

Remind yourself of this very moment you have with yourself.

As Naina from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani said:

“Life mein jitna bhi try karo, kuch na kuch toh chootega hi. Isliye yahin, isi pal ka mazza lete hain.”

I love the fact that I have a routine, and I would recommend everyone to have one as well.
Because it ensures you attend to yourself, before you attend to the world.

Here is my weekend routine:

Friday nights are exceptions to my “sleep by 9.30pm” rule because I conduct a live session at 10pm on Instagram, every Friday.
It is one thing that I really look forward to because this is how I connect with my audience in the most up close manner.

Hence, Saturday mornings I do not get up around 5am.
Instead, I get up around 6.30am.

6.30-6.45am: Sip a glass of water.

6.45-7.15am: Meditate

7.15-7.45am: Reading

7.45-8am: Do epic shit :))

8am-8.45am: Gym

8.45-9am: Newspaper

9-9.30am: Get ready

9.30-10am: Breakfast

10am-12.30pm: Work day

This usually comprises checking emails, prepping for my Monday shoot (I shoot all my videos on Monday), thinking time etc.

12.30-1.30pm: Time waste schedule :)

1.30-2.30pm: Lunch

2.30-5.30pm: This is when we either watch a movie (happens maybe once/twice a month) or we go out for some errands (my wife and I LOVE shopping haha!)

5.30-6.30pm: Check emails

6.30-7pm: Dinner

7-8pm: Park with family

8pm: Get ready for bed

8.30pm: Put kids to bed

9pm: Read

9.30pm: Sleep

So basically, a LOT of chilling and unwinding with only half a day of work.

On Sunday, the same routine follows, except in the morning Ruchi and I usually go for a heritage or nature walk. 

Delhi has a LOT of places to visit and has a rich history and we both love walk tours with experts.

These walks usually start at 7am (so we have to leave home by 6am) and end by 9.30/10am, so we are back home by 11am.

So – getting ready, breakfast, newspaper etc. are all pushed to the first half of the day (by 12.30pm), after which the day looks very close to how a Saturday looks like.

Happy weekend, lovelies :)