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Everyone out there seems to have an opinion on you.
What you should do.
What you shouldn’t.
How you should live your life.
And how you have messed it up already.

The world doesn’t require another template.
It requires another rebel. 

Be you, anyway!

1. The 30-day rule

When you desire a big purchase, do not buy it right away.
Give yourself 30 days and ask yourself if you still want it just as much as you did earlier.

If you do, go for it.
Chances are you won’t.

2. Keep a gratitude jar

Everyday, before going to bed, write down something that you are grateful for.
Anything at all.
Place it in the jar.

3. In moments of weakness, go through the notes.

Always ask “by when do you need this?”

Whenever given a task, even if an order, always check for the deadline.
Very often we have a different definition of urgency in our minds.

Trust is magical, especially in trust-deficient societies.

If you are not used to being trusted, and people trust you, it does wonders.
And the opposite is also true.
If you show people that you trusted them, and they let you down, they rise to the situation a lot better.

I deploy this as a leader.

Whenever any of my team members does anything that defies our agreements, I do not reprimand them. Because there is no point in doing so.

I instead tell them, what I truly believe:
?”I trusted you. And you let me down”

Nothing works more effectively than hearing this.
Nothing makes them harder to never repeat it, than hearing this.

I write every day.
Not type.
Write!

Unfortunately, most of us don’t.
Not anymore.

Writing has been replaced by videos, typing, and digital pens.
And we have lost a huge part of our evolution.

Here is why writing matters.

When we write, we tell our brain that what we are writing is important.
That is why our parents (unaware of the logic) used to tell us to write the things down that we were trying to memorize.
Because the brain gets to know, “oh, this is important. That is why she is writing it down. Remember it!”

That is also why I always insisted people come to meetings at nearbuy.com (the startup I used to run) with notebooks. And not just laptops.
“Write everything down. Because we forget”.

Which brings me to the second part of why writing matters.
Because we forget.

Our brain is always trying to optimise one thing.
Its energy spend.
It tries to spend the least amount of energy doing anything.

That is how habits work.

If something needs to be done everyday, the brain makes it into a habit.
Because then we dispense the least energy in following that habit.

And that also means, if we do not write it down, the brain goes, “I just heard or saw something. But it wasn’t being written down. So it must not be important. Forget it!”

So, when we write, our brain knows it’s important.
When we don’t write, we forget.

Our colony was conducting a Double Tennis tournament. My team made it to the semi-finals and then we lost.
I played worse than the worst player in the tournament.

And then I spent the entire day thinking about it.
Over analyzing.
Questioning my shots, my strategy.
Nothing really explained it.
Except the fact that I was under immense pressure.

We were the top seeds.
We were the ones who were expected to win the semi-finals.
Heck, we were the ones who were expected to win the tournament.
And on the day of the match, the pressure got to me.

But I handle pressure really well.

I have been in high pressure environments, have been through really tough situations at work and life. So how was this pressure different?

Pressure is of two kinds:

?

One, the pressure that you feel everyday, because of your environment.

Imagine yourself in a top college, surrounded by super sharp kids.
Every single day, their conversations, their choices, their mannerisms, their opinions add pressure on you.
But this sort of pressure elevates you.
This pressure inspires you.

When we say that competition ups our game, this is what we mean.

If you are amongst people who are much much better than you, on a daily basis, the “pressure” helps you.

But the second kind of pressure is pressure of the moment.

Pressure of performance for a specific event.

Think of exams. Or interviews. Or a presentation. or, in this case, a match.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you know, what you think, if you do not perform well in the moment, you will fail.

This pressure is damaging.
This pressure hurts.
This pressure doesn’t up our game. It reduces it.

And I realized, I haven’t had an opportunity for a really long time to experience the second kind of pressure.
I haven’t given an interview, sat for an exam, given an investing pitch presentation or anything like this, in a really long while.

My pressure is the first kind – of constantly surrounding myself with smart people and feeling like a duffer more often than not.

That’s what did not work for me!

The best performers are trained in the second kind of pressure. Singers, dancers, sportspeople – they become the best because they know how to handle pressure that is generated in the moment. BUT they are masters in the first kind of pressure as well. Always training with the best, always competing with those better than them.

Unfortunately, most of us are subjected to only the second kind of pressure, while growing up.
Examinations, interviews, tests!

If we do well, we pass. If we don’t, we fail!

And we come to hate pressure, understandably so.

We think pressure is bad.
In this case it is.
But it isn’t if we were to think of it as the first kind.

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If you want to elevate your game, bring long-term pressure into your life.
Surround yourself with people better than you, EVERY SINGLE DAY!

If you are new to a field, here’s a 3-step process to help you learn effectively:

1. Pick up online courses related to the field.

The Internet allows everyone to be a student and learn from the best teachers available. Do that.

2. Join an online community around the field.

Facebook groups, Reddit forums, WhatsApp groups, Discord servers – get yourself immersed in the topic and hang around people who live and love the field.

3. Pick up projects/internships.

Do it for free, if needed. Just learn. Get challenged. Seek feedback.
There is no better way to learn.

These 3 things, even over a 1-month timeline (close to 20-30hrs), will make you go from zero to the top 10% of people in the field.

From here on – the curve will, of course, be steeper.
But you got yourself a good start.

I still remember that day in July 2002.
I was to leave for the US for my PhD in a month.

It had already been an expensive (and unaffordable) affair – paying for the exams, applications, visa, flight, books.

We were completely out of money.
And I needed overcoats.

Michigan is a really cold place.

No one we knew had spare overcoats. 

Heck, no one even wore them in India :)

Dad figured a place in Old Delhi that sells used overcoats.
We took the bus.
Reached Chandni Chowk market.
Found the place after asking a few folks.

We climbed up a rickety wooden ladder, to reach his overcoat store.
And I remember being shocked.
Hundreds, if not thousands of overcoats, stacked on top of each other.
All possible colors, lengths, material, brands!

The old man was selling them for Rs.400 a piece.
We were overjoyed!
We had budgeted Rs.1000

We bought 2 overcoats.
And then spent Rs.50 on kulfi faluda to celebrate :)

I still remember that day!
It taught me an important lesson.
The most wonderful memories in life do not cost money.

The one decision that will affect EVERY area of your life meaningfully is picking the right partner.

This is because, your partner affects:

– Your financial life:

To have the same financial goals and use money in similar ways makes life less about convincing and figuring out, and more about living it together.

– Your physical life:

Your workout habits, your eating habits, your binge-eating habits, your sleeping habits – all have a direct impact on how you live your life.

– Your emotional life:

Stability in your relationship with your partner will eventually determine how emotionally stable you are in every other relationship you have.

Making this one decision wisely will determine almost everything in your life, meaningfully.
Not to be made in haste :)

My wife was way out of my league!

I was the super geeky and serious kid who had notions about what is right and wrong.
She was the Shahrukh Khan in everybody’s life – happy and going with the flow :))

We met in our University-special bus of the Delhi University.
Started off as friends.
Gradually began dating a year later.

But then, I was set to move to the US for my studies.

Long distance relationships are known to be tough.

Even today, when technology allows 2 people to be together virtually 24×7.
Imagine what they must have been like, 20 years back?

That’s what Ruchi and I did.

For 2 years, we only spoke for 30 minutes every week.
Because that’s all I could afford!

We made it through.

We got married 7 years after we started dating.

I’ve learned so much from her.
She taught me that happiness is a choice.
One that we make every single day.
Even during the toughest times in my life.

Now, when we look back at our photographs from college,
I look at her and say, “Thank you.”
Because I have no idea why she chose me, but I’m glad she did.

And she happily says, “You are welcome!” ??

The year is 2003.

I am a student in the US, in the 3rd semester of my MS program.
We’ve just finished a class where our professor has given us an assignment, convinced that no one would be able to solve it.

He didn’t say that, but everyone could see it on his face.
You know, those professors who derive pleasure from the pain of students :)

It is an individual assignment.
I sat down and OMG, the professor was right.

I don’t even know where to start.

Unlike India, where, by now I would have called 7 of my friends and we would be “exchanging notes” on how to complete, that is not the done thing in the US.

If it is an individual assignment, it is an individual assignment.

I am staring at my textbook.
Clueless.

And my eyes go to the name of the author.

He is a professor of Physics at Princeton University. Expected to win the Nobel Prize anytime now.

Basically GOD in the field.

I google him.
Land up on his webpage.
Which has his email.
And I tell myself, “Let’s ask him how to solve this assignment. He would surely know!”

I draft an email that I regret I do have access to anymore, except in my memory.
In 5 minutes I get a response, “Where are you stuck?”

I don’t make a big deal of it.

I send an email. He replies.
That is how it works.
That is how emails work!

I reply back (you won’t believe this!), “Can you come online on Yahoo messenger?”

(If you do not know about Yahoo messenger, think Tinder in the 2000s, but not for dating, and not with pictures. OK – that wasn’t helpful, I assume!)

He replies yes.

We come online on Yahoo messenger.
I ask him questions.
He patiently replies.
I actually get my assignment done.

I thank him, wish him good night and we both log off.

That’s it!

I submit the assignment and I was the ONLY student who cracked it.

My professor is now both impressed.
And shattered.

He calls me and asks me how the hell did I get this done.
And I, matter of fact, tell him that the author of your textbook helped me.

“Sorry, what? Dr. X helped you?”
“Yes.”
“How did he help you?”
“I sent him an email, asking for help. He replied yes. And then he helped me.”
“You sent Dr. X an email, asking for homework help?”
“Yes. Am I in trouble?”
“YOU SENT Dr. X AN EMAIL, ASKING FOR HOMEWORK HELP?”
“Ummm. Yes. You are scaring me now?”

“YOUUUU SENTTTT Dr. X AN EMAILLLL, ASKINGGG FORRR HOMEWORKKKKK HELPPPPP?????”
“Haan bhai haan!!!”

You get the drift!

Cold emails have been awesome, ever since emails came into being.

Here is the truth.

Most people when they start working, check their emails more than they check other messages (except perhaps WhatsApp).
But most students do not communicate via email.
So they think no one does.

Wrong!

The people who will give you a job, an internship, a freelancing gig – all of them check their emails.
Send them emails – please!

Open doors to opportunities that are NOT going to be listed on some job portal, or a LinkedIn post.