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When I tell people that Ruchi (my wife) and I had a long-distance relationship for 2 years when I was studying in the US, an obvious question is "How did you two manage?"

And the answer - as crazy as it may sound, is in part - "because we spoke only once a week".

You see, I think a big reason why relationships are hard and have become harder, is because the two individuals are perpetually in each other's face!

Today's technology allows for that.
WhatsApp, video calling, social media, location tracking - it seems wonderful, isn't it?
Until it isn't.

Before becoming a partner to someone else, we need to become a friend to ourselves.

And that means, distance.
Distance helps.
It helps us process what we go through and what we went through.

When I was in the US in 2002, none of this technology existed.
Calling was expensive.
I could only afford a 30 minute call once a week.
So that was what it was.

Every Thursday, I would call Ruchi on her landline.
And we would talk for 30 minutes, through a calling card.
Which meant there was no "speak to me for 5 minutes more".
In 30 minutes, the call would disconnect.

So we were focused.
We cherished those 30 minutes.
It was all we had.

So we didn't engage in random chatter.
That was the time we caught up on each other's lives.
And it was the time when we had to be careful of what we chose to share.
Because time was precious.
It was our currency.

Our next opportunity would come after a week!

Imagine if that was the case today.
Imagine if all you got was 30 minutes with your partner every week.

How differently would you act?

Would you still engage in that useless fight? Pick up that unnecessary argument? Lose your patience over that random person you felt threatened by?
Or would you do everything to make the other person feel loved? And cared for? And heard?

Just because you can speak to your partner every second, do not.
Just because you can connect with them on demand, do not.

Give yourself the space to long for them.
For them to long for you.

Do not misuse the privilege you have.
Do not waste a relationship because technology made it easier to start one.

Relationships still need to be built.
Build one!

We want to be accepted for who we are.
To be loved despite our flaws.
To be loved unconditionally by everyone - partners, friends, family.

But do we offer them unconditional love?
Or does our love come with a bag full of conditions?

How will we ever receive anything good if we don’t offer it wholeheartedly ourselves?

The best way to be unconditionally loved is to love unconditionally.

Recall the time when we asked a question in class and our teacher dismissed it as a stupid question?

Suddenly we felt alone.

The entire class laughed at us.
We felt the teacher doesn’t like us anymore.
We wondered why we asked in the first place.
The best thing would have been to shut up instead.

So, that’s what we did.

We stopped asking.
We stopped questioning.
Instead, we focused on memorising answers.
Answers that helped us score in exams.

Today, as adults, we have trained ourselves to not ask.
Just to answer.

What we do not realise is that the only way to grow in life is by asking questions.
To never ever stop your curiosity.
Especially because of what we think people might think.

That’s the way I have grown.
And I love this way of growing :)))

I tried JEE twice.
Didn’t clear it.

Tried IIT again for MSc.
Didn’t clear it.

All these times it seemed like the end of my world.
It wasn’t.

That exam, that job, that relationship, that target, that goal.
That isn’t the end of your world.

I asked 2500+ people “When was the last time you cried?”

“I cried on my birthday. I think I can’t make my parents proud.”

“The one person I truly love (who doesn’t love me back) is going through a rough patch in life and it hurts knowing I can’t do anything to make them feel better.”

“I don’t get along with my family. They don’t agree on how I should live my life and I feel abandoned.”

“Being a topper is not good. Moreover, being a JEE and NEET aspirant makes things worse. Apart from being sad since I have a lot of homework to complete, I started crying because it was just so difficult to handle.”

“I have no one to talk to.”

All of the responses had a story to tell.
A story that could be ours, that we might find ourselves in.

I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling what you are feeling.
You are not inadequate.
You are not a loser.
You are not incomplete.
You are not a failure.

It is ok to cry.
It is ok to not know why you cried.
It is ok to not be able to stop your tears.

You will be ok.
It is going to be ok.
You hang in there, ok?

Hugs!

Your salary is not your only success.
Your happiness is as well.

Your marks are not your only success.
Your learning is as well.

Your designation is not your only success.
YOUR description of your designation is as well.

The world will make us believe a fake definition of success.
Not falling for it is the biggest success!

1) What is your happiest memory of us?

2) How was the first year of parenthood for you?

3) What is the nicest thing I have ever done for you?

4) What are the best & worst parts about getting older?

5) What’s one thing you want me to always remember after you are gone?

Do something together that you used to do as a child.

Help them. They are getting older.

Tell them you are thankful for them.

If you died, your manager would put out a job posting in 48hrs looking for a replacement.

Your friends and family will never get that chance.

As much as your job is necessary, do not ignore the relationships where you remain irreplaceable.

Managing time can be intensely hard in today's distraction-filled world.

I see it as an opportunity to stand out.

The world is going to reward even more, the ability to take control of one's time and drive your own agenda.