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Imagine your friend calls before an interview, “OMG dude, they are going to love me, fall for my credentials, my experience, my pedigree and I am going to get this job. Money + this brand on my resume. SOMEBODY STOP THIS OVERTHINKING!”

Except, that this doesn’t happen.

What happens is:

?”OMG dude, I can’t stop this overthinking. They are going to reject me. I only have this interview. I already hate my job and if I don’t get this one, then I do not know what I am going to do. And oh, what if my boss finds out that I am interviewing?
I saw someone senior in the company I am interviewing with, who is connected on LinkedIn with my boss. What if they are best friends? What if THAT person interviews me tomorrow and then tells my boss. And then I don’t get this job and my boss fires me as well.
And then Anjali will also leave me. Her dad as it is hates me. Then my parents will insist on updating my shaadi.com profile and OMG, what if they ask me to consider Ritu again? I don’t like her. Oh god – what if I end up marrying Ritu?
Can you imagine having kids with her?”

“Hello, hello. You there? Bhai! HELLLOOO?”

Overthinking is a thing. The next time you have it, before an interview or ANY other life problem, remember this. 

1. We are all hardwired to think more about the bad, than good.

We are all afraid about, “What will Sharma Ji ka beta achieve?” or “Will people laugh at me?”, hardly being aware of the fact that no one is actually thinking of you in the first place.

2. Our mind focuses on possibilities. Not probabilities.

Is it possible that you’ll be fired: YES
Is it possible that you’ll not make it through the interview: YES
Is it possible that you will be poked for someone else’s mistake: YES

However, what is the probability?

Each time we step out, there is a possibility of getting hit by a bus. But we still step out fearlessly, right? How come?
Because our brain knows that the probability of that is low.

That is it!
The way to “solve” overthinking.

Make your brain aware of the probability of what disturbs you! 

Realise you are not alone in thinking of the bad more than the good.
And realise that when YOU are convinced that the probability of that bad thing is low, your mind will automatically be convinced.

1. Do not engage in office gossip. Ever.

If you encourage gossip on someone else, you will certainly have some gossip around you too.

2. Get to know your colleagues beyond work.

What drives them, what doesn’t.
Who they are, beyond their role and designation.
It will make working with them smoother.

3. Choose to deliver only A-quality work.

Your work is your signature.
So is a lack of good work.

One of my favourite self affirmations is “I am enough”. 

However, it suggests I believe I do not have to grow any further.
But that’s not true. 

The actual affirmation is “I am enough, at this moment.” 

It is my way of not blaming myself for where I am.
Instead feeling responsible for what I ought to do.
Which is to keep striving to get better. 

This quote by Sophia Bush beautifully summarises it:

“You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.”

Don’t dismiss yourself before anybody else does.
Give yourself that chance. 

Free yourself.

The one decision that will affect EVERY area of your life meaningfully is picking the right partner.

This is because, your partner affects:

– Your financial life:

To have the same financial goals and use money in similar ways makes life less about convincing and figuring out, and more about living it together.

– Your physical life:

Your workout habits, your eating habits, your binge-eating habits, your sleeping habits – all have a direct impact on how you live your life.

– Your emotional life:

Stability in your relationship with your partner will eventually determine how emotionally stable you are in every other relationship you have.

Making this one decision wisely will determine almost everything in your life, meaningfully.
Not to be made in haste :)

Several years back, I got a call from a current student of ISB.
“I have an offer from McKinsey and Google. I don’t know which one to choose. Can you help?”

I didn’t help. I just asked a question:

“What is the most important thing for you in life, right now?
Something so important, that you are willing to compromise on everything else?”

“Umm – learning. I want to be learning right now in life. Very important!”

“Fair. Is learning so important that you are willing to work in a shitty company with shitty pay and a toxic culture, but you get to learn A LOT?”

“NO! That sounds awful.”

“Then, learning is not the most important thing you want in life right now.
It is ONE of the things you want.
Think again.”

“Okay okay. It is money. I need money.
That’s important!”

“Fair. Is money so important that you are willing to work with a horrible boss, horrible work hours, you learn nothing, but it pays you A LOT?”

“No! That sounds awful.”

“Then, money is not the most important thing you want from life right now.
Think again.”

Here is the thing with us humans…

If we do not know what we truly want in life the most, at that point of time,
The next best thing that we want
Is
Everything!

We want everything.

A great pay. Great work-life balance. Great office. Great manager. Great colleagues. Great offsites. Great promotions. Great increments. 

So we settle for something that we think offers all of that.
However, the one thing that we truly want from life, is left unattended.

“What is it that you want most from life right now?”

When I have gone into deep discussions with people about this, they have been mostly surprised at their own realisations.

It is ridiculous how many of us have never asked ourselves this question!
Thus, have no idea what it could be.

The best thing you can do is feed your soul with the one thing it craves for the most right now.

Those who say that money is not important, are lying.
Money is VERY important!

May 2003

At the age of 50, my parents had decided to buy a house.
They had moved to Delhi 20 years back.
Made it home.

But they had no home to call their own.

Every 2-3 years, moving from one rented house to another, had tired them.
Physically and emotionally.

There was a house in Faridabad that caught their eye.
It would cost 10L.
Which was not a small amount, by any measure.
A loan of 8L was somehow arranged.

August 2004

Papa was fired from his job.
At 50, it was hard getting another one.

So, he decided to start on his own.

The business didn’t work so well.
Money wasn’t coming.
The EMIs had begun defaulting.

One day, he called me, checking if I had some money to spare.
I thankfully did.

“Yes Papa. I have money right now.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
And as he said so, he broke down.

He was tired of how much money ruled over us almost all our life.

At that moment, I HATED MONEY.
I hated what money, or the lack of it, did to us.

Today, I believe we all have 2 lives.

One, that we spend earning the money that we need in life, to have enough.
Two, that we live once we have lived the first.

Money is important.

It buys you peace of mind.
It buys you health.
It buys safety.

But, at the same time, do not run after it endlessly.
Know how much is enough.

Around 28, I came up with that number. And have worked towards that.
Today I have it.
So, I do not need to run after it anymore.

Find that number for yourself.
And do not feel any shame, chasing that number.

And once you have it, live your second life.
Where you do not chase anything.
Except your inner voice.

We drive an air-conditioned car and get mad when the bicycle comes in front of us.

We walk into an interview hall and judge the person dressed shabbily.

We speak in English and laugh at those who don’t know how to pronounce cafe. 

We judge those that try to save 20 rupees at the vegetable store.

We feel losers are losers because “if only they worked harder”.

If only we realised that not all success is due to hard work.
And not all failure is due to laziness.

When you are working towards something, there is always hope. 

Hopelessness is felt on two occasions:

1. When you haven’t yet started and feel there is no way you can (untrue more often).
2. When you achieve what you wanted but it doesn’t change how you feel (true more often).

Wrote a Twitter thread and I was reminded of something I read 10 years ago.

“Sarcasm is like electricity.
Half of India doesn’t get it.”

Funnily enough, the electricity gap has reduced.

Sarcasm, though… ?