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If you asked people this question

“What’s the one thing you would want, if you were lost somewhere?”

It’s quite likely most people will respond

“A map will be all that I need.”

Except,

It’s the wrong answer.

A map won’t help, because you don’t know where you are on the map.

Same is true for life too.

When lost, most of us crave for a map.

A diagram of which road leads to where.

We rarely stop to realize that in the absence of our own location on the map, the map is just a useless item.

What might help, is to retrace our steps. To try and go back where we can came from. Our fundamentals. The core. The origin. The point that might explain it all.

Because no matter how lost we are, we always know where we came from.

Recall the first time you drove a car! It’s a miracle that our feet, hands and eyes coordinate that 2,000kg machine. Especially if it’s a stick-gear car.

That’s a lot of moving parts at one time – within us and the car!

Recall how that felt the last time you drove a car.

Nearly not as much as a miracle, I assume!

To the extent we added more moving parts.

Music

Singing

Checking messages

Paying tolls

Road rage :)

I don’t know if you have ever tried, the next time you are driving, try and pay attention to your feet and hands. What they too.

It’s likely you will be left amazed yet again at how this is so natural to you now.

Same goes for tying a tie.

Same goes for writing.

Same goes for typing.

Same goes for brushing.

Same goes for buttoning your shirt.

Tying your shoe laces.

It’s all a habit now!

A habit that you don’t pay attention to anymore, and it continues to deliver. Almost without fail.

And if you were to pay attention to it any day, you might just falter.

Habits will win over awareness, almost everyday, in the battle of life.

The question then is – what are you habits?

1. You have to be told what to do

2. You know what to do

3. You do it

4. You do it well

If you feel stuck in life, which stage are you stuck at?

Knowing where you are is the first step to knowing what needs to be done to move ahead.

The dynamics around seeking forgiveness and granting it, is fascinating.

An apology is as it is rare to come by. And we don’t seem to be quite prepared to handle it, when it happens.

Quite often, we are seeking an apology but as soon as we hear “I am sorry”, our likely response is

“Oh it’s ok. Don’t worry about it. Not a big deal”

That confuses them.

“Am I stupid to have apologized?”

“Was I over thinking?”

“Did I just make a fool out of myself?”

A better response will be to tell them how much it means to them that they thought about this.

Same for gifting.

We receive a gift and go “oh you didn’t have to”

Instead “how thoughtful is that of you”

Someone pays on our behalf

“Oh no no no. I don’t take money from anyone.”

Instead, “that’s really kind of you. I will pay you back by tomorrow.”

Nothing beats an action that generates confidence in a person that their effort was worth it.

Missed a flight this Friday. It was a connecting flight and my incoming was delayed.

I reached the flight counter 30 mins prior to departure. It was evident that I wouldn’t be allowed, but I had to ask.

“The flight is closed, sir”

“I understand that. Is there something that can be done? I have already checked in and don’t have any check-in luggage.”

“Why did you come late, sir? We have mentioned that the counters close 45Mins before departure. And now it’s 25mins.”

Usually I am a big fan of any statement that starts with why.

Except when the statement follows the announcement of a mistake or a blunder.

Because most likely, the shy statement isn’t going to help. One bit.

Just as the “why are you late?” didn’t help either.

Instead of trying to solve the problem or admit that it can’t be solved, it goes into blame mode.

“Why did you do this?”

“Why couldn’t you think through this?”

“Why did you even try?”

“Why do we always end up like this?”

“What were you thinking?”

Asking why can either make you move forward or send you back in time.

This time machine operates at your command.

What are you going to use it for?

Courage is not when you face what’s in front of you, while being fully armed.

Courage is not when you face what’s in front of you, when you know you have everything needed to win.

Courage is not when you face what’s in front of you, when you are feeling the best about yourself.

That isn’t courage.

Maybe that’s the feeling of being powerful.

Maybe that’s the feeling of being ambitious.

Maybe that’s the feeling of optimism.

But it isn’t courage.

Courage is when you face what’s in front of you, knowing that you are weaker.

Courage is when you face what’s in front of you, knowing you don’t have everything that’s needed to win.

Courage is when you face what’s in front of you, with self doubt.

Courage

Is when you face what’s in front of you

Because that’s the only option you have given yourself.

Because not showing up

Is not you.

Whenever I find myself saying “I have nothing to share” – it’s a lie.

I do have a lot to share.

Just that I feel it’s not important enough for the other side.

Or that the way I will share it will not be appreciated by the other side.

So the right thing to say would be

“I have nothing important to share” or

“I won’t be able to share”

How many times in our day do we replace “I can’t do this” with “I won’t do this” or “I couldn’t do this” with “I didn’t do this”

How many times do we create an excuse when the choice is always with us?

I recall a conversation with my first cousin, several years back.

He said – “there are only two things that I really need in a car.”

“What are they?”, I asked.

“First – the brake”

And as I was expecting him to say that the second thing is possibly the accelerator, he goes

“And the second thing is the horn”

Honking is a fascinating phenomena in India.

It serves 3 very interesting purposes

1. “Hey – I am honking you to tell you what’s happening on the road.”

This happens when the red light turns green – and the last car honks. It’s only job is to alert.

2. “Hey – I also exist”

This is when one honks to avoid a clash or to alert another car (or pedestrian) that there is a car coming.

3. “Hey – I am in a rush. Give way”

This is symbolized by the continuous honking sound.

We all think honking on the roads is a very Indian phenomenon. And that’s largely true.

However, honking in real life happens everywhere. All the time.

1. I will “honk” on social media to tell people what’s already obvious. So that my intelligence is not undermined.

“Hey – this is what is happening in the world. You should know”

2. I will “honk” on social media to tell people about my life. Food I ate, places I visited, movies I watched, feelings I felt.

“Hey – this is my life and I exist”

3. I will “honk” on social media to promote my world view. And then defend is to all ends. Even fight people who don’t agree.

“Hey – this is my point of view and I have a right on this road. Get out of my way.”

Given the chaos on our roads, it’s not surprising that we end up honking a lot while driving.

It’s no surprise either that we honk so often in life.

Which type do we honk more often?

If I asked you which is greater?

5km or 30mins?

Your response is likely to call me stupid and move on. Time and distance are not comparable.

Yet, we do that everyday.

How far is your office?

20kms

35 mins

How far are we?

7kms

65mins

And then google maps came along and made almost everything time based.

It doesn’t matter how far things are – what matters is how long it will take you to get there.

And we just admit – that helps a lot. It’s sets the right expectations. Knowing that something is an hour away settles us down, even if it’s just a km away (well, almost!)

And even when the time to the destination changes, it doesn’t bother us as much. We adjust.

Yet, when it comes to life, we don’t seem to use the same hack.

My success is 1Cr bank balance away

My success is the title of SVP away

My success is an IPO away

My success is 30 countries travelled away

What if instead we had a way of measuring everything in time?

My success is 18 months away (as of now)

My success is 10 years away (as of now)

My success is a lifetime away (as of now).

What if the way we measured success was not by where we have to reach, instead how much time is it likely to take?

What if we committed to the journey, irrespective of the time it takes?

There was a time when there were no ranks. No grades. No scores. No positions.

You worked at something till you wanted to, or you got really good at it.

And then, the industrial revolution changed it all.

Tests were introduced. And the outcome of the tests was not to measure knowledge or understanding. Rather to grade. To score.

And then to rank.

So someone with a 93% was deemed higher than someone with 92%.

And we all got addicted.

Addicted to this race.

Fast forward today – all of us live in constant comparison.

Am I the best student?

Am I the best daughter?

Am I the best boyfriend?

Am I the best wife?

Am I the best employee?

Am I the best friend?

And all of live in constant fear, as a consequence.

Who else is better?

If only we stopped to realize

I can never control if I am the best at anything.

I can only control if I am the best version of myself, at it.

The race is not with the world. The race is within.