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Words. Wisdom. Winners.
We all change
People were asked how much would they would be willing to pay to see their favorite band perform live, 10 years from now.
The average was $127.
People were then asked how much would they pay today to see their favorite band from 10 years back, perform live.
The average was $80.
We are all told that to progress, we need to keep changing.
The truth though is that, we all change.
We just don’t know it.
We think who we are today, is who we are likely to be for a long time.
And yet, when we look back we see that that’s not the case.
We are all a result of subconscious change.
It’s conscious change that sets us apart.
Can you teach it?
We usually think that the true test of whether we know something or not, is to answer questions on the topic.
Do we know enough, deep enough, when we are quizzed on the subject?
The way that works though is our mind can play tricks on us quite easily. It can “create” stuff on the fly, that sounds smart, is convincing and more than anyone else, tells us that we know it.
The true way to know if you know something, is to teach it.
Help someone else creates notes on it.
Train someone else on it. And in a manner so powerful that they can train someone else as well.
A teacher is always greater than a speaker!
Ever tried firing your friends?
Here is an unpopular opinion – just as we make new friends we need to fire old ones as well.
When we make friends, it is close to guessing. Guessing how the person might turn out to be, how the friendship will pan out, how much will you grow in the relationship.
And as it happens, some of our friendships truly work. And some don’t.
It also happens, that we out grow some friendships. We stop to relate to them anymore.
And we still continue with them.
As if we are doing someone some favor.
Rarely recognizing that there is more damage in the process.
There are “friends” who pull us down.
There are “friends” who discourage us.
There are “friends” who don’t inspire us.
There are “friends” who are shallow.
There are “friends” who aren’t truly friends.
Fire them!
Because when you hired them, it was guessing. You didn’t know any better.
Firing comes from a point of knowing. You now know who they are.
Want to know what kind of a CEO will you be?
Its fashionable to start up today. To be a young CEO. To become an entrepreneur. To carry a “I’m CEO, Bitch!” business card.
To my readers in India, you quite likely already run a company.
It’s called your home.
It generates an income (your salary). It creates a product (you). And you employ people who help you run this business – your help. Your maids, servants, drivers, guards, delivery boys – all are your employees.
And if you want to know what kind of a CEO you will be in real life, just see how you treat these employees currently.
If you have high attrition and your maids/drivers leave you within weeks/months because of lack of trust/respect/fairness – then its quite likely that’s the kind of CEO you will be.
And if you have loyal, deeply engaged employees, who don’t have to be told what to do everyday and who are not driven just by money, then you know what kind of company will you create.
Entrepreneurship is real life. And that isn’t distinct from how you live your life.
You either lead. Or you follow.
You either lead.
Or you follow.
The path where you try to second guess, where you use hope as a strategy, where you want to prove that you were right, or want to prove the other person was wrong. That path is wrong.
The path where you want to first lead and then follow. Or first follow and then lead. Where blaming others is always the easy way out, or citing lack of guidance is your excuse. That path is wrong.
The path where you always lead because you are a leader. Or you always follow because you have to follow. Where you don’t ever challenge yourself to find the other side. That path is wrong.
That path is collapse.
What you could have done…
Whenever you wonder about all that you could have done, it futile.
You can’t do it anymore.
And no amount of thinking or regret will change that.
Here are better questions to ask
What stopped me from doing it? (And do those things still exist in my life?)
What was it that I didn’t know back then? (And I know today?)
Regret will keep you in the past.
Reflection will bring you out of it.
Energy
To change any state of matter, energy is required.
That’s the law of thermodynamics that governs the world.
And that includes humans as well.
For us to move from one state to another will require energy.
For us to move from happiness to sadness or vice versa,
For us to move from risk aversion to risk friendliness and vice versa
For us to move from autocracy to democracy and vice versa
Will require energy
Mental energy
And mental energy drains us faster than physical energy
We give up much earlier than our bodies do
We resign to our circumstances much earlier than our muscles do
No wonder then – the world is collectively talking about work life balance.
Because the one at work is a different person than the one outside of work.
And that shift of state sucks is out of energy.
Thus the need to “balance”.
What we should really aspire for – is to work at a place where we can be who we are in real life.
If the state of matter continues, energy is not lost.
Do everything possible to find environments that do not change your state.
Instead, amplify them!
Opinionated
We all have opinions.
Opinions, based on our experiences, our upbringing, our past, people who we spend time with. Opinions based on our worldview.
And these opinions drives our judgement.
The problem arises when our opinions make us opinionated.
When we treat these opinions as facts.
And worse, when faced with a differing opinion, a differing view, we reject it instantly. Terming it as something that needs to be won over.
Something that needs to be destroyed.
But then, someone else’s opinion has also been shaped up their own experiences, their upbringing, their past, and through people they spend time with.
What if, instead of rejecting someone else’s opinion, we empathised with the context that formed their opinion?
What if, we tried to see what could have possibly shaped up this opinion?
“In my opinion” should be a way to present your opinion.
“I think i understand” should be a way to uncover someone else’s opinion.
“I think both can coexist” should be a way to not be overcome with our opinion.
Winning an argument
I saw a political party calling the voters of the opposite party as stupid. That’s pretty dumb, considering they will need the very same “stupid” voters for a victory.
And herein lies the irony of most arguments.
They start with an intent of common ground, to share a common understanding, to convince by facts and figures of a truth they both agree upon.
But as the argument ensues, it quickly becomes a battle to speak, rather listen.
And we stop to realize that until we don’t have the two sides converge, there is no victory.
Telling someone they are wrong is never going to convince someone.
Telling someone they don’t see the point, is hypocritical.
Telling someone you will never understand, is you facing the mirror.
Winning an argument is possible only when both sides feel they have won.
Cause it’s easy not to
You like pain but only if it doesn’t hurt too much
And you sit, and you wait, to receive
There’s an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life…
…‘Cause it’s easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you, to you, to you, to you
– Alanis (Wake Up)
The effort that it takes to go beneath the surface, to seek the truth, to appreciate the emotions, to hear a contrarian view
Is the difference between a life lived on lazy terms
And a life lived on your terms
Because the truth is – the lazy life isn’t our choice. It’s been dumped on us. By the average world around us. Seducing us towards it. By showing how thrilling the experience is right now. Why should you care about later?
The truth is – by living the lazy life you are living someone else’s life.
It’s easy not to do the hard work. And it’s easy to call it your choice.
Just that, it isn’t!
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