Blog

Our colony was conducting a Double Tennis tournament. My team made it to the semi-finals and then we lost.
I played worse than the worst player in the tournament.

And then I spent the entire day thinking about it.
Over analyzing.
Questioning my shots, my strategy.

Nothing really explained it.

Except the fact that I was under immense pressure.

We were the top seeds.

We were the ones who were expected to win the semi-finals.
Heck, we were the ones who were expected to win the tournament.

And on the day of the match, the pressure got to me.

But I handle pressure really well.

I have been in high pressure environments, have been through really tough situations at work and life. So how was this pressure different?

Pressure is of two kinds:

One, the pressure that you feel everyday, because of your environment.

Imagine yourself in a top college, surrounded by super sharp kids.

Every single day, their conversations, their choices, their mannerisms, their opinions add pressure on you.

But this sort of pressure elevates you.
This pressure inspires you.

When we say that competition ups our game, this is what we mean.

If you are amongst people who are much much better than you, on a daily basis, the “pressure” helps you.

But the second kind of pressure is pressure of the moment.

Pressure of performance for a specific event.
Think of exams. Or interviews. Or a presentation. or, in this case, a match.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you know, what you think, if you do not perform well in the moment, you will fail.

This pressure is damaging.
This pressure hurts.
This pressure doesn’t up our game. It reduces it.

And I realized, I haven’t had an opportunity for a really long time to experience the second kind of pressure.

I haven’t given an interview, sat for an exam, given an investing pitch presentation or anything like this, in a really long while.

My pressure is the first kind – of constantly surrounding myself with smart people and feeling like a duffer more often than not.

That’s what did not work for me!

The best performers are trained in the second kind of pressure.
Singers, dancers, sportspeople – they become the best because they know how to handle pressure that is generated in the moment.
BUT they are masters in the first kind of pressure as well. Always training with the best, always competing with those better than them.

Unfortunately, most of us are subjected to only the second kind of pressure, while growing up.

Examinations, interviews, tests!

If we do well, we pass. If we don’t, we fail!

And we come to hate pressure, understandably so.

We think pressure is bad.

In this case it is.

But it isn’t if we were to think of it as the first kind.

If you want to elevate your game, bring long-term pressure into your life.

Surround yourself with people better than you, EVERY SINGLE DAY!

If you are new to a field, here’s a 3-step process to help you learn effectively:

1. Pick up online courses related to the field.

The Internet allows everyone to be a student and learn from the best teachers available. Do that.

2. Join an online community around the field.

Facebook groups, Reddit forums, WhatsApp groups, Discord servers – get yourself immersed in the topic and hang around people who live and love the field.

3. Pick up projects/internships.

Do it for free, if needed. Just learn. Get challenged. Seek feedback.

There is no better way to learn.

These 3 things, even over a 1-month timeline (close to 20-30hrs), will make you go from zero to the top 10% of people in the field.

From here on – the curve will, of course, be steeper.

But you got yourself a good start.

Someone recently asked me this.

I know a lot of you are also going through this.

Here is my response:

It’s likely because you have put the pressure of everyone’s expectations (including that of yourself) on yourself.
AND have added a deadline to meet that expectation.

It’s natural.

We all go through this.

There’s nothing wrong with you.
Or your life.

It’s just likely that you are living someone else’s life.
A life that has been decided by you, by your parents, by your siblings, by your friends, or by the world at large.

A life that has told you that you are a failure if you don’t have a job by 25, if you don’t get married and have kids by 30, if you don’t buy that house, if you don’t drive that car, if you don’t have that bank balance.

And you didn’t question them.

You just started aiming for that life.

But it wasn’t your life, was it?

So it is not surprising that you lost interest in living that life.

Everyday, you would get up and drag yourself to show up.

Because you had to become someone else to live that life.

You were running away from yourself.

Run towards yourself.
No matter how hard it seems.

Because the only way to listen to yourself, is to block the noise from the world.

And you deserve that silence.

Define your own success.
Or else, another year will go by and you will feel the same way.

Not yourself.

A successful singer was once interviewed on a talk show.

He was bullied his entire childhood for being fat.
Fast forward to today, he didn’t feel resentful towards those kids.

When asked why, he replied: “Had I still hated them, they would have defeated me.”

The best way to live life is to live life — instead of keeping accounts of who did what.

The best way to be undefeatable is to let go of those who’ve made every attempt to defeat us.

One of the best ways to win in life is to own our happiness.

All our lives, we are surrounded by voices.

What we should be doing.
What we should be thinking.
How we should be doing things.

Instead of clearing up the smoke, these voices end up creating more.

Mystic and philosopher Rumi once said: “There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.”

What that voice is trying to tell us, nobody else would be able to.

Because we are the only ones who are listening to that voice.
That voice is the voice with clarity.
Only if we are willing to listen.

How do we live a life of integrity?
A life of honesty?
A life where we do not have to second-guess our thoughts and actions?

Roman Stoic Philosopher Seneca said: “We should live our lives as if everyone could see us.”

What would we do differently if everyone could see us?
What would we stop doing altogether?

More than anything else, how would that change our life?

When we assume everyone can see us, we stop lying to the world.
And that is the first step to stop lying to ourselves.

When we get angry, we end up doing things we don’t want to be doing.

Our actions become impulsive, words get uncontrolled, and thoughts become really fast.
None of this allows us to calm down and be thoughtful.

And we often ask ourselves: Why does anger hurt me more than the other person?

Why do I feel empty after that emotion of anger?
Why am I not able to focus for long even though the situation has passed?

Gautam Buddha described anger aptly when he said: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else.”

When we are angry at someone else, we are the ones who get affected the most.
And yet we feel that giving up anger means giving up power..

Giving up anger doesn’t mean giving up power.
Giving up anger means having power that no one can take away.

There are people that have gone on to do exceptional things.
Changed the world forever.

Leonardo da Vinci.
Madame Curie.
Albert Einstein.
Steve Jobs.

What’s a special trait they have?
Were they child prodigies?
Or naturally gifted?

It’s because they kept telling themselves: “I don’t know a lot, I’m still learning.”

In the quest of being a student forever, they became teachers of creating an epic life.
In their ordinary curiosity for knowledge and education, they became extraordinary.

Being extraordinary is going the extra mile by remaining an ordinary student forever.

Do you sometimes feel lonely?

You feel no one understands you, feels your emotions, or knows what you’re going through.

How to go about fixing it?

When we listen to someone who’s going through the same pain,
When we let them know they aren’t invisible,
When we assure them there’s nothing wrong with their emotions,
We take the first step in moving beyond our loneliness.

When we allow someone to walk away from their loneliness, our own walks out along with it.

In the healing and hearing of others, lies our own.

We chase goals, work hard towards them, and when we finally achieve them, we still feel incomplete.
Why does that happen?

Because we tie our happiness to a place.

Showing people that you can.
Proving them wrong.
Making sure you have their respect.

It all becomes a journey where we couldn’t care less about the journey, because we have all our eyes on the destination.
Except it makes us more drained out in the end.

I had a student come over my Instagram Live the other day, who has been practising magic tricks for 6 years now, and baffled me with a few of his tricks on the show.
He does not plan to make it full time, nor does he plan to monetise it.

But just the fact of getting up each day and having something to progress to, has kept him through the troughs and valleys.

Daily progress = Daily happiness minus Conditions attached.

Chasing daily progress is the ultimate antidote to the emptiness of chasing goals.