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In 2012, I was 32 years old.
And weighed 90 kgs!

All my life, I had treated my body like a dustbin.
Dumped it with bad food at erratic times, with total disregard.

An accident led me to work on my health.

At that time, my colleague Ajay Singh gifted me a very tight tee shirt, that he called “Embarrassment Tee”.

He said:

“Ankur, whenever you go to the gym, you will wear this tee.
People are perhaps going to laugh at you.
You will feel embarrassed.
But this tee shirt will be a constant reminder that work still needs to be done!”

Using that metaphor, I still remind myself that I have work to do.
I still put myself in situations where I could get embarrassed.
I still wear an embarrassment tee.

Not only for fitness.
For life!

I tried JEE twice.
Didn’t clear it.

Tried IIT again for MSc.
Didn’t clear it.

All these times it seemed like the end of my world.
It wasn’t.

That exam, that job, that relationship, that target, that goal.
That isn’t the end of your world.

One of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking I will keep my parents happy with the money I make.
I will send them on vacations, buy them things, and make their life comfortable.
But the busier I got, the less happy they were, despite all the things they now had.

The truth is that we have much less time with our parents than we think.
Our parents are going to die, and we have no idea when.
Sadly, we do not have all the time in the world.

So call them.
Tell them you love them.
Thank them.
Spend time with them.

Because all that our parents really want is us spending more time with them.

True relationships do not need things to grow.
They need time.
So be sure to give your loved ones this time.

I started my newsletter 156 weeks back (exactly 3 years) and have never missed a week!

It started all over the place.
I didn’t know what to share, how much to share, and how much to ask.

Over time, I found my rhythm.

All through the journey though – one thing never changed.
That I write my newsletter with the aim of helping you.
And every week – through the hundreds of emails I receive (YES, I do read ALL the replies), I know this aim is being served.

With this 3-year anniversary, I wish to bring one more change.

Make this email about you!

Every week, you get to ask me questions – these could be personal questions, generic questions, anything.
And every week I will pick up 3 questions to answer, keeping your identity private.

To know how, read the newsletter here: https://bit.ly/44jVbpK 

It has become fashionable to startup today.

In the world of Shark Tank, everyone thinks they should start their own business.
Worse, people think that those in a job are losers.
They have sold their soul.
They have become part of a rat race.

That’s a lie.

A corporate job early in your career can shape you up meaningfully.

1. It gives you financial stability. Which sets up a good foundation.
2. It teaches you the power of planning, of systems, of processes.
3. It shows you the magic of teams and how your individual contribution at a micro level comes together with that of several others, to create impact at a macro level.

What is the one thing you have learnt from your job?

There is one scene from the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that lives rent-free in my head.

When all the three characters are about to jump for their skydive, Imraan (played by Farhan Akhtar) is afraid to take the leap.
Arjun (played by Hrithik Roshan) sees his fear, and in that moment, he says:
LET IT GO.
LET IT GO, IMRAAN.

Whenever I see the scene, I get the chills.
Because it is such a powerful scene.
And so true for our lives!

There are many things we want to pursue.
There are also several factors holding us back.
All it requires is that ONE moment of faith.
The moment we push through.
The moment we let it go.

To make way for what we truly want.

“I don’t have time!”

When people say this, what they are essentially saying is that they do not have energy.
But what kind of energy are they lacking?

Physical energy:

– Quality of your sleep.

– When and what you eat.

– Your fitness.

Emotional energy:

– Do you have self-confidence?

– Do you talk positively to yourself?

Mental energy:

– Are you creative?

– Are you optimistic?

Spiritual energy:

– Do you have integrity and commitment?

– Are you honest?

If you eat shit, sleep late, and lie to yourself that you will fix it tomorrow,
It doesn’t matter how well you have scheduled yourself for the next day.
Your day will be shitty!

It isn’t about managing time.
It has always been about managing your energy!

Our living room has a beautiful large window, overlooking the Aravalli Forest.
On a day as bright as today, the window seems non-existent, as though one can walk through it.

That is what the bee, this morning, thought as well.

There was a bee. Inside the living room. Trying to get out.
And all it kept doing, for nearly 5+ minutes, before we helped it, was to get past the window.

It also didn’t realize that there is another window next to this big clear one.
And that window was open.
Wide open.

If the bee could, it would have stopped banging its head against the big window and instead moved to its right and flown into the open skies through the window that was open.

But it didn’t.
I wonder why?
I think it was because it was convinced that if it tried hard enough, it would be able to get past the window.
After all, the bee could see its goal. Clearly. Vividly.

I ultimately helped it, by using a towel to push it towards the open window. A couple of attempts and it worked.
The bee flew away.

But what if I didn’t help?
Would the bee have still continued to try?
Would it have given up at some point?
Or would it have figured the open window, on its own?

We will never know.

THIS, is our life as well.

Our life, where we can often see our goal clearly. Vividly. Within our reach.
BUT SOMETHING is coming in our way.
And we just cannot figure what it is.
We just keep telling ourselves, “try harder, don’t give up, it is within your reach – you can see the goal. DON’T GIVE UP!”
So we keep banging our head against the window.

If only we stopped. We gave up, NOT on the goal, but on the path.
If only we realize that the goal may be the same, but the paths are multiple.
If only we moved sideways, to see if there was another path.
We may find the open window.

Don’t change your goals, if it gets too hard.
Change the path.

He was the topper of our school.
The teachers loved him.
The kids adored him.
And that included me as well.

He was tall, really tall.
Maybe 6’2″?
And he had really long hair.
Which, I thought, added to the enigma that he was.

I remember one day, I asked him, “How come you have such long hair?”
It was a stupid question.
An excuse, frankly.
To speak to him.
He replied, “In the time I go to the barber’s shop, I can complete one more chapter for the exam. So I don’t bother.”

I remember, standing there stunned, in awe.
Admiration.
So busy with pursuing his goal that he couldn’t care less about these trivial things in life.
THIS IS SUCCESS, I told myself.

And for the next decade, I followed that definition of success.
Being busy. Being productive. Ignoring the trivial things in life.
Blocking my day, every single hour.
As if I wanted to impress him – my invisible teacher.

And then the definition of success changed.

For the next decade, I spent all my time with people, as a leader, a manager.
Trying to help them get better at their work.
Their trivial things became my job.
That became my success. Their success.

Today, I don’t want to be busy.
Boredom gives me joy.
Looking at a free calendar gives me joy.
The trivial things give me joy.

It is okay to have a definition of success that keeps changing.
While the presence of success or the desire of it can be constant, its definition needn’t be.
It’s okay if it changes for you.

What is NOT okay is to know that something is not your success anymore, and yet continuing on the path.

When I had dropped out of my PhD and came back to India at the age of 24, I had no plans, no goals, no direction, and no money.

Ma and Papa weren’t too happy, however, I didn’t give them a chance to express their unhappiness.

I still remember that day.
I was brushing my teeth, Ma came sheepishly to me and asked,
“Would you want to consider taking the IAS examination? I think you might make a good IAS officer.”

It was a request.
For me to consider something.

I politely declined, but realised how blessed I was to have parents who would “request” their kids to consider.

I learnt one of the biggest life lessons from Ma that day.

Respect doesn’t come from title, age or experience.
It comes from conduct.