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Words. Wisdom. Winners.
yeh to bada toin hain….
belive me if you wish to…but this is actually the motto of our new project…! its a tough piece to work on…data is as scarce as images of rakhi sawant hiding her assets and instances of bappi lahiri adressing himself as bappi lahiri and not Mr. Bappi Lahiri…
so basically…yah…the project bada toin hain…!! i am sure you are not one of who those doesnt hv a friggin clue of what i am talking about…
which brings me to a few ads that i have seen/heard lately…and hv got me questioning the fundamental of mankind. ok…whatever…not as far…but definitely questioning some fundamental…lying someplace…
1. Laxmi Chachi
some dude told me that its Reema Lagoo in there….and i was like….bullshit…get out of here….she is like…mom dude…she is Mother India. there is no way in hell that she would be seen on national TV stretching panties…
but holy friggin shit its true…its really true…
i mean why….why woudl anyone….anyyyyyone…do this..!! it couldnt be possibly money….especially not reema lagoo…she is friggin mom everywhere…! omnipresent….! jst like himesh bhaiya…! u think of celluloid moms (why doesnt this sound right…?? nevermind)…and you think of her..! and here she is…going through rounds of elasticity to such gory details…!! eeessshhhh…in utpal dutt style….
2. Ravi Nursing Home
so..i admit…i am a convert….! from believing that indian radio sucks real BIG TIME…i hv atleast started dedicatig office driving time to Fever 104…and quite like the channel and the RJ lokesh. but no..it wasnt his ad…
i believe it was world heart day sometime back…and i hear this marvel of an ad on radio…
“celebrate the world heart day with a 20% discount on bypass surgery at the Ravi Nursing Home. SMS heart to 5 something something”
WTF..!!!
so lemme attempt to enter the mind of the patient here…and gather his internal response on hearing the ad
“oh wow…20% discount…awesome shit…i have to get that long postponed bypass surgery now…darling chale???”
“toooooooo much…20% discount…joy to the world…i better cancel my apollo hospital reservation and check in to the ravi nursing home. consumer is the king…”
“OMGGGGG…i mean…OM friggin GGGGG….i had to hear this right on the day after my by pass surgery…here i am …wasted all my savings on a stupid operation…and this gem of a deal comes and goes bham…!! right in my head…shit shit….shitttt….a..aaahhhh…aaahhhh…mera dil…koi hain…koi hainnnn….dil mein dard…koi hainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”
moronic material man…moronic..!! my to-do list before 30 has another item…meet the creator of this ad…
any other masterpieces from the indian land…??? please share…
~a
0313
…its no more ‘changing the face of media and entertainment’
…its no more leaving office at 7pm
…its no more sleeping at 12 noon…after 2 hrs of browsing
…its no more waking up excited at the prospects of meeting ‘someone’ today
…its about oil and gas now…
…its pipelines…
…its tiring…tiring…
…its 0313 hrs…
…its about checking into the hotel right now and checking out at 0800 hrs…
…its still abt waking up excited at the thought of the marriage vacation starting next week…
JOY…!
~a
a new piece….
i can see SL nodding her head…when i say that i love to use the word ‘piece’ for my projects..!! so yeah…i started on a new piece last week…and its been crazy since then. its not like the ones which gives you an orgasm…but ok…with only 3 weeks to go before i take off for marriage…i dont mind collecting hotel and frequent flier points….
PK and KM got married…and it was a blast of a week…i mean awesome fun…! i can almost see that my marriage wont be even half as much fun…PK was actually with us all the nights…except for the first night ofcourse….chatting away to glory…drinking happily…and just generally having a good time. while i will be thrust upon relatives..who will not only want to apply mehendi on me..there will also be the quintessential “khushi ke aansoon” at every 12 nanoseconds….
the only saving grace will be the fact that loads of people are coming down for the wedding…so a mini reunion of sorts is expected…right from school, college…to ofcourse isb….
life is expected to be busy for a long time now…so lets see when we catch up next….
till then…
…life’s good…
~a
faith like a child…
set apart its capacity, coolness and the ability to make the CD look obsolete…i love my iPod for the simple reason that it helps me connect to my past so effortlessly. as long as i remember, music has formed an integral part of life…and somehow each phase of my life has a song attached to it.
i wont mention a particular song lest daddy will kill me for bringing it up again…but a whole lot of other songs too bring back memories of a life once lived…and emotions once felt…
this morning…heard one such number…
took me back to possibly the longest phase of self-doubt i have experienced…
strange how it took just this one song to get me back…
…they say that i can move the mountains…
…and send them crashing to the sea…
…they say that i can walk on water…
…if i follow and believe…
…with faith like a child…
Jars of Clay is a gospel rock band…they sing songs in praise of the lord…and do an awesome job at it….! it might be tough to get your hands on a CD in India…but if you do….grab it..!
~a
Srinagar…chak de…and 203…
went for a fantastic vacation to srinagar (after 20 years) with family…from the 15-19 of August.
some memories from the place…
http://picasaweb.google.com/warikoo/JKTripAug2007
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during my recent engagement, there was a time when we were trying to understand the film business in India. typically the first response of anyone would be…its a gamble…no one really knows what will work. which seems obvious….i mean cmon…Himes bhaiya kicked everyone’s ass with his debut…and no one has ever attempted a murder attack on bappi lahiri…and ofcourse…KJo (or karan johar for the straight population) still thinks that KANK was his best attempt at maturity…!!
so yeah….at first glance…the industry seems to be not driven by any logic…! what works…what wil work…no one knows…so people jst continue making films in the hope of that pot of luck…
but then…being consultants…with the word anal used as a prefix….it didnt make sense..! a frggin USD 2Bn industry…running on zero logic…! is there no way to ensure atleast a high probability…
and thats when the last week…threw the answer…
last sunday…i watched Chak De
yesterday…i watched Victoria No. 203…
and the difference….wow..!!
Chak De India
i admit…for the first time…SRK wasnt himself. people said that it was the same in Swades too…but frankly i didnt see it. The movie completely rested on him…and he had his moments of ‘pulling back his free flowing hair in the midst of a storm’…! i mean…why the f does he need to run all the way upto the water tank…take off his shirt…and plunge into it to discover that the opening had been choked..there were fifty friggin people standing next to the tank…and all with their shirts off already…! lekin nahi…main to SRK hoon…main hoon naa…
anyways..so yeah…the first time that he wasnt himself. the story was simple…yet unique and powerful. and the director did full justice to it. each and every shot was there for a purpose…the editing was crisp…and we didnt get to see too much of SRK..! the girsl were ofcourse…yes yes…preeti sabharwal included…awesome. komal chautala was an absolute gem…
ofcourse SRK had to piss me off at some point of time…but surprisingly that come through in the movie. rather in an interview…where Mr Khan states…
“the movie required me to wear a beard all the time. it was really stressful for me”
we understand Mr. Khan…we totally do….! not only would the beard have ensured that KJo didnt come close to you for the entire period…it mst have been torturous for your fans to not see your dimple…and your oh so cute cheeks. we understand…
but the main point is…i loved the movie…every bit of it…! its those types whose DVD can be bought…and stored…maybe never watched…but you have that solace that its there…and you can watch it anytime…!
so there….a powerful production house…(YRF)…fantastic direction and editing…perfect placement of songs…powerful performances….and u have a winner..!
now you would want to believe that everyone knows this…but heck…no….
Victoria No. 203
And the best performance in a supporting role…goes to Dora’s bra…!!! and you have to watch the movie to know what i am talking about…!
why…why on earth…would a woman agree for such a role..! money cudnt be jst it..!! but anyways…so this lady…with the screen name dora….apparently a ninja in the movie…steals these diamonds…but not before she decides to show the world her cleavage…all thru the robbery.
you know…i dont understand much of camera work and direction…!! but i sure know somethings that i am convinced everyone does as well….
1. when you rapel down a building….its NEVER…face down…
2. when the artist approaches the camera…and even comes within 12 inches of the camera…the camera shud ideally move back as well….
ofcourse…the reasons why the 2 didnt happen in the movie are obvious….even to women for a change..! in short…disgusting..!!
the movie apart from this….horrible. it had its share of good laughs…thanks to Om puri and Anupam Kher…who are masters in their field but were clearly made to underperform…! but overall…no concept of editing…no concept of song placement…or for that matter song lyrics…(imagine the actors trying to find the lock which fits the key they have…and they burst into a song on the road…”help me please…to find the locker…find the locker…help me please…”)
and some actors were born to overact..! i think kamal sadanah is one of them…or maybe even heads that organization…! imagine producing the movie (its his production) and then sealing its fate by acting in it as well..! crap..!!
so there…another piece of garbage…
…almost twice the size of hollywood…and 1/10th in value…!!!
~a
go…Indigo..
life as a consultant always gears you up for an alternative career as a hotel and airline critic….! and yeah…ofcourse…rental car service critic too..! which reminds me…why do all the cabs…even the ones running in the evening, carry yesterday’s newspaper..! and why do i still read them..?
anyways…so yeah…hotel and airline critic. hotels are for later…but recently i realized that i have flown all the airlines in the indian skies…! so here…
Indian
I strongly protest the name firstly…! given how they perform…all that we will hear is…Indian food sucks…Indian is never on time…Indian women are old…and rude…and well…at times you need time to figure out that they are women…!
that said…who am i to complain of the name. but for hevens sake..if i buy a ticket…plz…plz…dont jst give me a craft to fly in..and a seat to sit on..! give me some respect as well…!
“Ummm…could I have today’s financial express?”
“we dont carry all the newspaper in this country”
“some water please?”
“can i first finish giving everyone their food…”
“please dont disturb me for the meals. i am full and would like to sleep”
“sir…sir…sir…(shaking me left and right…GET UP YOU BUGGER)…ma’am..he is not getting up…sir…sir…ah yes…sir…would you like veg or non-veg…?”
please…please…dont fly those…! please….
Jet
Has got to have the best frequent flier program..! fantastic upgrades….and beautiful service..! ofcourse…sexy flight timings…and great confort. so my personal first choice…
but then….they overdo it…
“sir…veg or non-veg”
“no i am fine…wont have anything”
“are you sure sir?”
“yes…pretty much…thank you…”
“can i get you some fruits”
“no please…thanks”
“sure sir..?”
“(mataji…maine kal chacha ke chole bhature khaye the….aur mujhe dast lag gayi hain. agar maine kuch khaaya…to yahaan nadiyaan beh jayenge…and u know of what…so plz…can i not have anything…) Yes…thanks again”
Air Deccan
i hereby declare the eighth wonder of the world. Air Deccan landing each time it takes off…! with the state of their crafts and the way the pilots run those machines…its sheer miracle at play. maybe we should call gopinath a saint..!
I remember…while at ISB…AD was my fav airline. one cause that was the only one i could afford from hyd to delhi for my home trips…and two cause i handt flown anything else except jet. and that was at a time when the del-mumbai return ticket used to cost in numbers as bappi lahiri has gold in kgs..! basically shit loads…! until AD arrived and changed everything…
but then it jst lost it mid-way. if you arrive at any airport…the only passenger counter with the max passengers…and the max chaos will be it.
and recently…i read this as an Advertisement for AD.
“We have 99% OTP (on time performance)”
the fine print….which was in a font size smaller than all roles of rakhi sawant in bollywood put together…said…OTP measures if a flight has arrived/departed within an hour of its scheduled arrival/departure time..!
holy friggin shit…! this means that 1% of all AD flights actually land an hr after scheduled time..!! and they fly some 350 flights a day….so 4 flights daily with this statistic…!! horrible…!
Spicejet
a late entrant in the no-frills space…but has done itself a lot of good..! decent airlines with great potential. have only flown it once…so cant really comment…
Indigo
This has got to take the cake. an absolute delight to fly this. one thing smart that they do is to allow buffer time on their stated arrival time. so even though its factually incorrect…psychologically it works wonder. so all the times that i have flown Indigo….they have always landed much before their scheduled time..!
plush aircrafts…extremely friendly staff…brilliant comfort. right from the bus that takes you to the craft from the terminal…to the leg space and the seats itself.
funny is how these no-frills airlines dont expect business travellers at all. i boarded an indigo…to go to ISB last week…and was in my business suit. firstly…people couldnt stop getting amazed and amused at my attire…so much so that i checked myself if i still had my pants on….
i board the craft…and out of habit give my jacket to the airhostess. she politely…and quite regretfully informs that they dont have a provision to keep jackets…! nor did they have any business newspaper on board…! but i can live with these….
Kingfisher
always…and i mean…always…ask for the aisle seat. and if you have flown kingfisher…you know why…! great service…horrible food…and no concept of cost cutting. i appreciate them handing that passenger kit..but frankly…why waste that bit. has any customer research been undertaken to see what all frm that kit is actually carried out by the passenger…? i see the pen used a lot…but thats abt it..!
i hv written abt the airlines previously as well…so will attach an excerpt…
and then…we hv to give to mr mallaya. i mean…u get balls of steel to get yana gupta to speak hindi…let alone show how to unbuckle a seatbelt. the words tht she used were last used in 2000 BC…when the aryans were taking their first bullock cart ride…! i mean…who in gods name…uses “sunishchit…!!!” nowadays. i am sure in some part of the plane…a lady wud hv gone….”there…thats the name of my 1st kid…!!!” and the funniest part was blowing the lifejacket. it looked like a lipstick ad…! guys who travel kingfisher…watch out for this…! funny…
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recently have bid adieu to a lot of close folks at ATK. all of which have left for fantastic opportunities. Shintu left for his MBA…and why wouldnt he be happy…his school tops the FORBES list this year for the best RoI…! friggin shit..! a school has to have balls to have the best RoI on USD 120K..!! all the best dude…will surely miss u….
and then rintu…(for those who dont know…rintu…shintu are not brothers…but could have easily been so..! nor are these their real names….shintu is basically shambunath…and rintu is known as rinkle khanna…ok…kiddin..!)…left as well…in some ways back to where he belonged. it hurt…cause not only is he a true gem..he was also quite close…!
then today was the last day of one of my fav people at ATK. AC surprisingly isnt a consultant…but an executive assistant. so limited to our interactions…i struck a great chord with her. you know…its days such as these that one realizes how imp the admin people are in an org…!
you enter office and you have VJ…the face of ATK…with a smile…! and then the security guards…with that goodmorning sir…and again..a smile…and then you pass RM…who ofcourse is perpetually married to her life patner. who comes in white color and measures 2 inches…and NO…i am not talking about that..!! so anyways…RM is always all so lost to see me…but then an occasional…katrina kaif smile comes by…and then comes AC. always cheerful…always smiling…! and always ready to offer a helping hand.
and this makes me feel…is this a phenomenon that beats the law of averages. how can everyone in the firm be likeable..and be just at the right wavelength for you. how can everyone be so approachable…and so dependable…! but so be it…who is out there to disprove this….
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came back this sunday from a fantastic trip to srinagar. loads of pics to share….will do so by the next post…
till then…keep the faith…
life’s good…
~a
THIS…had to be it…
THIS…is inspiration….
THIS…is music…
THIS…is the strength of the human mind…
THIS…is what made me cry last night…
THIS…is Paul Pots
i love music….and the world will not be wrong if they saw me in my car…by myself…and my ipod…and termed be unfit for human contact.
but it rarely makes me cry…
games people play….
since the day i was born…i have been observing people. i noticed the mole on the doctor who gave birth to me and the fact that her stethoscope’s left earpiece was bigger than the right one..! but then thats not observing people…so nevermind…
i find it as a good pastime…! even mre so when i see some dudes doing stuff that i just dont get…
for instance…picture this…
4 elevators in my office building..! 9am…5 people waiting on the lowest floor to go up…! a gentleman arrives from behind…makes his way through the 5-body crowd…and presses the up button…AGAIN…and AGAIN…!!
wtf was he thinking..! that the 5 of us are long lost buddies who are staring at the elevator walls trying to remember the day we played football in the rain…? or we are just zombies who have been working so hard that we stand infront of elevators wishing and praying that it comes down…u never know…u seee..!!
bugger…!!
and picture this….
mumbai airport…the new delhi flight is ready…all lining up to the bus that shall carry them to the machine of tight haristyled women and emotionally poisoned food…! and there you see Aamir Khan…! note that he is not trying to hide him….so if one has been born in the last year…there is no way that you cant recognize him…
a gentleman…mid 40s…comes up to him…and goes…
“are you aamir khan?”
no sherlock…i am bappi lahiri and i have been gyming for the past 6 months. but the friggin gym was so expensive…(bipasha basu also comes there u see)…that i had to sell off all my gold and thus u see me now in a body tight tee…and jeans…and no gold..
this is worse than the pre-historic habit that has engulfed motherkind…of asking…“tum aa gaye” when she saw er son come back from work…
people…i tell u….
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work has been crazy lately….but awesome fun. helping shape the future of media and entertainment in india…and its somehow orgasmic to sit back and think that the room you just stepped out of…after your discussion with the CEO…was witness to something that will change the entire landscape forever…
and u urself will get to witness it…
bliss…
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lately i have been itching myself with a lot of b-plans. dont know when and how to take the plunge…cause at some level you know that inaction right now can be suicidal…someone else will surely pick up your idea…and there….gone….
any people who wanna fund me…?
~a
WTF…
this is it….ladies and gentlemen…this is it. mankind has finally found a negative IQ species….and like everything else….this too lies in India…
presenting…
the former human friggin development minister of india…
He viewed that sex education will transform student teacher relation into that of a man and a woman. “I think the government wants to import the western culture of sexual relation between student relation to India,” he said.
He said introduction of sex education was what multinationals did to create the desire for sex among teenagers to sell their products. “It is not sex education. It is education to sell condoms,” he alleged.
Catch the story…at your own risk…
and if this wasn’t enough…we have UP teachers (crap…how did Bihar lose out!!)…crying out loud…
“The books on sex education supplied by the government should be promptly withdrawn,” “If they fail to do so by July 21, we will be compelled to make a bonfire of these books in public.” “We have decided to take this extreme step in the larger interest of both students and teachers,” he added.
ummmm…whose interest….again…????
I have an idea…
why dont we get all the politicians together….
actually…you know what…
i give up….
~a
education….crap…!!!!
am a disillusioned person lately…
i have always believed that education is the solution to a lot of problems facing the world today. ofcourse…arjun singh also believes so…but he takes the entire concept a little too far…! and yah…even with a world of only PhDs…we might still have bappi lahiri composing music…and going…”pyaar beeeena chaaaeeeennnn kahaan re….yaar beeenaa chaaaaeeeennn kahaan re…”
anyways..so yeah…education…everyone felt that…and so did i…and i didnt think i was wrong. typically you would have the educated class as the one who thinks the way humans shud…with a constant struggle to educate the society…and ‘better’ it even further…
and then…my hypothesis was tht people who fall into bad hands are the ones who are vulnerable…who are soft and weak..! imagine a dude…born into a poor family…for him struggle is his destiny…! he will hv to work a lot of things off…to get to a good level in society. some might succeed…many probably wont…
and then will come the easy way outs…the underworlds…the robbers…the petty thieves…the peddlers…
F***…NO….thats not true…!!
“…The first Indian national known to have participated in a suicide bombing outside the country…”
he is a friggin nuclear physicist….a friggin PhD…a product of cambridge university…who had everything working for him…! he had a family that cared for him…a country that respected him….foreigners who trusted and let him in…
and he is a terrorist today….
why dude….why….? what wasnt right…?
why…
~a
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