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In a seminal 2002 study, 3 scientists put 12-month old infants through an experiment

Through a glass window, the infants saw a man enter a room.

In front of the man was a large “something” with a huge button

The man banged his head into the button and lo behold – there was confetti like stuff in front of him

Several men entered, banged their head on the button and the same “magical show” happened

The infants were then introduced into the room

And their natural response was

To bang their head against the button

And then the scientists added a twist

Same setting

Instead, the men entering the room had their hands full – holding bags

And they, yet again, pressed the button with their head

Several men repeated the same

Hands full with bags

Pressed the button with the head

This time now – when the infants entered the room

They surprisingly didnt use their heads to press the button

Instead

They used their hands to press the button :)

Pause for a minute and think about this

And translate this into real life

How often do we see people in repeated action

And begin to believe that its only THAT action which will yield THIS result?

It is only when we see the constraints of those people, do we recognize that our natural response could have also caused the same result

We just didnt try

What people do doesn’t matter
Its why they do it, that does

Most of us have been raised to admire the extra ordinary

To be inspired by them

To be in awe of them

To want to become them

BUT

Most of us have been raised to be ordinary

To be average

To follow the herd

To take the path already taken

To admire is easy

It’s easy to watch great people

It’s easy to see how they did it to listen to them

But it takes a lot to become them

And we haven’t been taught how

As if it’s something we had to be born with

Consistently put yourself into situations others have only watched and admired

An overwhelming majority of emails and messages I receive end broadly the same way

What do you think of the idea?

Am I on the right track?

How should I plan my life?

What’s the best advice you can give me?

And my personal favorite

Want to pick your brains on this

This form of help-seeking is lazy, at its best.

When we ask such questions, we may think we are being considerate of someone’s time

But if the opposite person truly values their time, then this approach is frustrating

You expect someone to navigate through your story, your circumstance, your context, and then distill all the thoughts into one or two powerful implementable points?

Because you asked?

Try this the next time

Be. Ruthlessly. Specific

And relevant

That shows you have a problem

And you have taken the effort to narrow down the reasons

And have identified someone who could help

And are respectful of their time

While aware of where they can help and how

If you get a response, you know for a fact that you have a conversation going.

With a sense of purpose.

For all the times you ask for generic advice

Someone who could have helped, chooses not to

Here is a view to life

That is conclusively true

Our brain is a muscle

That requires training

Training that it rarely gets

Because it’s the hardest thing to train

And life is not a bed of roses

It will be hard, supremely hard

At times, or most often

But hard for sure

Just as much as it will be easy or enjoyable

Here is a contrarian view to life

That is also conclusively true

To prepare for these hard times

You have only one route

Train your brain

And to train your brain for such times

You have got to pick up the things you hate doing

And go fucking do them

Hate waking up early?

Wake up early

Hate eating healthy?

Eat healthy

Hate approaching new people?

Approach new people

Hate studying?

Study

Because when you do things you hate

You don’t win some tactical battle

You prepare yourself for those worst moments

That will surely hit you

So that you don’t fall apart

Don’t protect yourself

Prepare yourself

When you are dining at a restaurant, or relaxing at a spa, or getting pampered at a salon – the cost of that service is usually ridiculously low compared to what you end up paying.

So we argue we are paying for the softer aspects

The ambiance

The treatment

The expertise/quality of the experience

Ever wondered then – why does the experience diminish if the one serving you gives you the impression that they don’t care?

Why do unhappy servers affect us so much, when it’s not them that we are consuming

An unhappy server serving the best tasting food – not good enough

An unhappy masseuse delivering the best quality massage – not good enough

Here is my prediction why

Because at a subconscious level, we are also paying for that individual’s inability to enjoy life, at that precise moment

When we are sitting having a nice meal, the server is serving us. Not enjoying.

When we are getting a lovely massage, the masseuse is not enjoying

All the occasions when we are being served and enjoying, the server is NOT enjoying.

They are serving us.

Which is why, when we see someone unhappy, we feel our money wasn’t put to use.

And we hate that, don’t we?

If you are in the serving business, each time you truly show that you love serving – people will feel wonderful being served.

If you are in the people business, each time you truly show that you love people – people will feel wonderful being themselves

This post is meant to spark a conversation – I am genuinely seeking help on how to build a gender neutral workplace

This women’s day, I shared stats about women representation at nearbuy.com – a piece that went “mini-viral”
Share of women: 34%
Share of women in tech: 29%

Impressive, I assume

However, here is the reality

This month, 3 women colleagues – great at what they do, had to leave because of a change in their personal situation (got married in a different city or husband is moving to a new city).

In each of the situations, they wanted to continue working with nearbuy – and we tried to figure out options (remote work etc) but couldnt come up with any elegant situation that didnt harm work or their ability to grow.

Early this year, we lost 2 more colleagues to similar circumstances

And I know (as of today) of 3 more such cases before the end of the year

We lost 8 women colleagues, extremely capable professionals, because they got married or their husband moved cities
In 10 years I have encountered only 1 case of a male professional leaving their workplace because of his partner.

How am I supposed to deal with this?
I needed suggestions from the audience – how do I build a gender-balanced workplace in light of the above situation?

PS: Dont need to hear “this is the reality” – I am not looking for validation. I am looking for ideas

In school, I was fascinated with Nike, the brand

I knew it as “Niek” back then

And all day long, on every blank space possible – I used to draw the swoosh and sketch “just do it”

I decided that if I ever get a tattoo it will be the swoosh, on the mount of my palm.

Never managed to buy a pair of Nike shoes though. Never had enough money early on and by the time I did, other similar brands came cheaper!

Last year, I read Shoe Dog, by Phil Knight, founder of Nike.

Hands down the best book of last year. Possibly across many more years.

It rekindled my fascination with Nike, the brand.

I wondered what it would be to run in a Nike

I wondered if it was true, what Eisenhower (founder of Nike) said

This birthday, Ravi gifted me a pair of Nike shoes.

One of the most thoughtful gifts ever :))

And I was so excited

For my Monday run

Yesterday, I wore the shoes

Didn’t feel any different

Walked in them

Didn’t feel any different

Started to run in them

Felt the same as my Puma

Ran for 3Kms

The Nike didn’t feel any different

Then I looked at my timer

What every time takes me 18 mins to run, had taken me 15mins

So instead of running at 10kmph I had ran for 12kmph

I had gained 20% in a day.

On a day when I felt there was no difference

My mind was telling me something that day

But my subconscious had been listening to something else for years

Guess who won

It all boils down to the story you have telling yourself all this while

And if there was none, today’s story will win!

There was a time when content was not democratic

There was a lot of effort put into production. But distribution was almost dictatorial.

Set TV hours for each show.
The TV shows were decided by someone else
Their timings were decided by someone else
Their content was decided by someone else
Same for movies
Same for songs
Same for news
No one got to make them.
No one got to chose what to consume
No 10/20/30 second edits – either you consume all of it or you dont

People hated it.
I can understand why

So then came the biggest technology intervention that few talk about

Personalization

Content today, is a reflection of your interests, your reactions, your engagement.

Its constantly tracking you, and delivering freshly baked content to appeal to your senses.

To get you hooked!

Creating mini-you in the guise of that news item, that movie edit, that user-generated song, that viral forward

This scares me

Personalization is wiping out the ability for us to form opinions.

Technology was meant to help us see things from a different point of view.
Instead, machines are working to make us more and more enclosed in our worlds.
Making us believe that its the entire world

Thats why books are unique
A colleague mentioned this yesterday
I love books, because they are not personalized
They werent written for me. They were written by someone.

So we have no choice, but to consume the perspective of the author.
Accept or reject – but consume first.

Which is far better than being supplied stuff that endorses my point of view and never allows for a different one to set in.

To work on my neck and cheek bones, I got two bricks, placed them on top of each other, wrapped a cotton cloth around them and created a sling knot.

Idea is to hold the knot by biting it with your teeth. That puts pressure on your cheek bones. And if you make your head go up and down, it works on the back side of your neck.

So everyday, I walk from home to the gym with two bricks hanging from a cloth piece held between my jaws.

People give me the looks

People in the gym ask me what’s this all about

People are intrigued

The responses are quite funny, ranging from “is he mad?” to “wow, look at him”

The attention to this unusual thing, is quite amusing

Except,

My cheek bones are pretty much still there

It might take 2-3 months, even more for the effects to show

There might be no effects at all

Another reminder of life

Unusual things will get you a lot of attention

And that attention will make you believe you are on the right track

But it’s not the attention that influences the outcome

Stop measuring the success of your outcome, by the attention your work gets.

2 traits define people who work with you

Capable

and

Compatible

Despite the best interview processes and intent, there are errors that creep in.

And it’s super critical to take a hard stand on such errors

I have never regretted firing someone. I have only regretted not doing it early enough

The easiest are people who are neither capable nor compatible.

Such cases need deep honest introspection. How did they get past the system, the checks, the balances.

Irrespective of seniority, my experience is that it takes no more than a month to find such people.

Take them out on the first day of the second month!

Next are people who are not capable but compatible

These individuals need attention. Training. Mentorship. Guidance.

If done right, they can win. But organizations need to have the will and more importantly the patience to see them through

In my experience, these individuals can be identified in 3 months. And I would give them another 3-6 months to upskill. Else unfortunately counseled out

Capable but not compatible is a tricky one.

My personal experience – such cases never work out in the long run.

These are hard to conclude, extremely painful to execute and you will almost always want to live in denial.

In my experience, these take easily a year to surface.

Doing the right thing requires immense courage

To me, these decisions is the hallmark of a seasoned entrepreneur or manager

In the long run, compatibility is greater than capability

Let a capable person not tell you otherwise!