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People usually speak of me as a good listener. As a patient listener. As an empathetic leader. Someone who cares.

The truth is – I only care about learning. And if that learning comes through your story – so be it. If it comes from observing, from listening, from reading, from watching – I will sign up.

And what is it that I wish to learn?

The truth about myself.

Why am I the way I am. Why do some things work for me and some don’t. Why do somethings come easy to me and some don’t.

The truth

And in that pursuit of truth – I will sacrifice a lot and perhaps make people believe a lie. That I care about your story.

I don’t.

I only care about my learning.

An organization’s goal is not to provide a learning platform for people.

An organization’s goal is not to plan for people’s careers and aspirations. Or to cater to their ambition.

An organization’s job is not to give people all-rounded experience.

Instead

An organization’s job is to constantly manage risk.

And it manages risk by placing the best and most relevant individuals in the right roles.

It manages risk by bringing in experts that don’t always reinvent the wheel.

It manages risk by diversifying itself (not its people).

So if your organization wants you to become an expert in something, this is the context. It’s just doing its job!

This is a story of 2 sisters.

The elder one asks the younger one, “describe what according to you is a good conversation.”

The younger one thinks for a while and shares.

“Respect. For me a good conversation is about respect.

Where I feel there is mutual respect.

I don’t feel threatened. Or embarrassed. Or stupid.

There is no hate, anger, abuse, accusation.

The conversation leaves me with a nice feeling.

That’s a good conversation.”

“That is a lovely description”, remarks the elder one. “Tell me of the last time you didn’t have such a conversation with someone else.”

“Ummm, I can’t recall any bad conversations lately. Most conversations I have had have been good. Even if not entirely, then definitely in that direction.”

The elder one then remarked.

“That’s awesome! You haven’t had a bad conversation, one that comprises hatred and abuse and accusation and disrespect, with anyone lately.

Then how is it that you have had such conversations with your own self?”

You see, the elder one knew that the younger one is low on self confidence. That she has massive self doubt.

And to help her heal she had two options.

Option 1: “Don’t feel this way. Don’t do it. This is wrong. You know it’s wrong. Fix yourself.”

Option 2: “This is who you could become. Do you like this other person? You already are this person. What will it take you to become one for your own self?”

Option 1 accuses.

It corners people. It asks them to change.

Ironically, people cling on to what they have even more. Because who likes to be stripped away from their identity. Every one of us would like to belong.

Option 2 exposes the options.

This is who you could become. This is what you could feel. This is all that is available as your choices. Do you like any of these choices? Do you already exercise some of them?

When trying to change people, including and especially yourself – don’t accuse them of who they are. Instead, show then who all they could be!

Sometimes the worst relationships we have to save ourselves from, is the one we have with our own selves.

Every year around this time I get invited to several business schools for their new batch orientation.

You know, motivation and all :)

And every year, two facts continue to disturb me.

The overwhelming number of engineers in these schools.

And the overwhelming number of men in these schools.

Even the top ones.

So I took to LinkedIn last week – sharing this – asking people if they were ok with these facts. And share what could be done to fix it, or why are they ok, if they were.

The reactions left me even more disturbed.

An unexpected number took this as a call for reservation.

An even higher number made this into a gender battle.

Several (and ironically enough) men came forward to say – it’s the women’s choice. The playing field is completely level. If they work hard they will get through too.

And some accused me of taking the moral high ground – who am I to?

4 comments out of 600+ stood out, for their maturity, their thoughtfulness and their objectivity.

4.

Out of 600.

We are all guilty – to see the world through our frame of reference, our context, our bias.

Rarely stopping to realize the privileges and entitlement we sit on.

And at the smallest excuse – we don’t shy away from sharing our propaganda from within.

When you see red flags through red-tinted glasses, you don’t see red flags.

You see only flags!

There was a time when people’s attention was available, content wasn’t as freely available, reactions were not as amplified (or maybe we never got to hear about them!).

It was a world where what you knew was the most important skill.

Today,

Attention is limited. And precious.

Content is everywhere. Every time.

Reactions are instant. And exaggerated.

Which doesn’t undermine the importance of what you know.

However, how you say it – becomes just as important if not more important.

Storytelling – is hands down the most important skill today!

History is testimony to this.

The most admired, the most powerful, the most successful, the most respected – were not the ones that controlled the biggest armies, controlled the largest area, controlled the smartest people.

Instead the ones that controlled the narrative.

The ones who had the capability to weave a story. Craft a dream. Use words to influence. To generate emotions. A favorable reaction.

You know nothing if you can’t put it across to someone else in a manner they understand.

I was away from office for 2 weeks (not away from work though) and joined back yesterday.

And it’s unbelievable what coming back to office does to me. I feel like a performing artist who has placed on the stage or the studio, where I belong. Amongst people that I belong to. Shopping art that I am proud of.

And it wasn’t the easiest day. As a matter of fact – it was one of the most difficult days I have had in a really long while. Difficult decisions, difficult conversations, and some really difficult moments in solitude.

That’s the key to understanding stress. As Simon sinek says, if you go through this experience when you actually wish to do something else – that causes stress. Not hard work. Not difficult moments. Not tough conversations.

Instead, working for something or at something where you don’t belong.

Beware of what your job is doing to you. More people worry about what they eat in the morning than where they go in the morning. Consider whether your job is building you or destroying you.

https://twitter.com/Kpaxs

We are all an outcome of a genetic lottery.

Done nothing to be born into a certain condition.

Some of us were born into loving families. Some of us into war ridden zones.

Some of us were fed good food and taken care of. Some of us were born on the streets left to fend for ourselves.

Some of us went to great schools. For some of us education wasn’t an option.

And because of this lottery – we sat on opportunities and privileges that we tend to take for granted.

So we drive an air conditioned car and get mad when the bicycle comes in front of us.

We walk into an interview and judge the person dressed shabbily.

We speak in English and laugh at those who don’t know how to pronounce cafe.

If only all of us stopped before doing so, to realize that success isn’t always about working hard and the hustle. And failure isn’t always being lazy and not ambitious.

It might make us a lot more humble. And a lot more inclusive.

Just because I am not poor, doesn’t mean there is no poverty!

When we meet people we are constantly looking at them not for who they are, rather the person we think they should be.

Constantly judging people for not adhering to the idea in our head of who they should be, how they should act, speak, behave, react.

Constantly comparing them to what we think they should be.

Not seeing them for who they truly are.

And as time progresses, our habits begin to define us.

This judgment based approach becomes a habit.

And then next thing we know….

We start to judge our own selves.

We start to reject ourselves because we are not what we think we do be, instead of realizing who we are.

If someone talks to you about someone else behind their backs, they will talk about you too behind your back.

If someone judges people for who they ought to be, they will judge themselves too for who they should be.

To judge others is to judge one self.

I won against my tennis coach yesterday.

22-20

21-18

(We play games of 21 points)

In the 43 points that I won, only 7 were winners.

Points that I won on my caliber. On the basis on my shots, the power of them, the placement of them.

The rest were won because of unforced errors from the coach, the wind, close calls that he left.

I won, because he lost.

There are victories that we score because we won.

There are victories that we score because others lost.

Knowing the difference, is the key to winning more.