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I recall a conversation with my first cousin, several years back.

He said – “there are only two things that I really need in a car.”

“What are they?”, I asked.

“First – the brake”

And as I was expecting him to say that the second thing is possibly the accelerator, he goes

“And the second thing is the horn”

Honking is a fascinating phenomena in India.

It serves 3 very interesting purposes

1. “Hey – I am honking you to tell you what’s happening on the road.”

This happens when the red light turns green – and the last car honks. It’s only job is to alert.

2. “Hey – I also exist”

This is when one honks to avoid a clash or to alert another car (or pedestrian) that there is a car coming.

3. “Hey – I am in a rush. Give way”

This is symbolized by the continuous honking sound.

We all think honking on the roads is a very Indian phenomenon. And that’s largely true.

However, honking in real life happens everywhere. All the time.

1. I will “honk” on social media to tell people what’s already obvious. So that my intelligence is not undermined.

“Hey – this is what is happening in the world. You should know”

2. I will “honk” on social media to tell people about my life. Food I ate, places I visited, movies I watched, feelings I felt.

“Hey – this is my life and I exist”

3. I will “honk” on social media to promote my world view. And then defend is to all ends. Even fight people who don’t agree.

“Hey – this is my point of view and I have a right on this road. Get out of my way.”

Given the chaos on our roads, it’s not surprising that we end up honking a lot while driving.

It’s no surprise either that we honk so often in life.

Which type do we honk more often?

If I asked you which is greater?

5km or 30mins?

Your response is likely to call me stupid and move on. Time and distance are not comparable.

Yet, we do that everyday.

How far is your office?

20kms

35 mins

How far are we?

7kms

65mins

And then google maps came along and made almost everything time based.

It doesn’t matter how far things are – what matters is how long it will take you to get there.

And we just admit – that helps a lot. It’s sets the right expectations. Knowing that something is an hour away settles us down, even if it’s just a km away (well, almost!)

And even when the time to the destination changes, it doesn’t bother us as much. We adjust.

Yet, when it comes to life, we don’t seem to use the same hack.

My success is 1Cr bank balance away

My success is the title of SVP away

My success is an IPO away

My success is 30 countries travelled away

What if instead we had a way of measuring everything in time?

My success is 18 months away (as of now)

My success is 10 years away (as of now)

My success is a lifetime away (as of now).

What if the way we measured success was not by where we have to reach, instead how much time is it likely to take?

What if we committed to the journey, irrespective of the time it takes?

There was a time when there were no ranks. No grades. No scores. No positions.

You worked at something till you wanted to, or you got really good at it.

And then, the industrial revolution changed it all.

Tests were introduced. And the outcome of the tests was not to measure knowledge or understanding. Rather to grade. To score.

And then to rank.

So someone with a 93% was deemed higher than someone with 92%.

And we all got addicted.

Addicted to this race.

Fast forward today – all of us live in constant comparison.

Am I the best student?

Am I the best daughter?

Am I the best boyfriend?

Am I the best wife?

Am I the best employee?

Am I the best friend?

And all of live in constant fear, as a consequence.

Who else is better?

If only we stopped to realize

I can never control if I am the best at anything.

I can only control if I am the best version of myself, at it.

The race is not with the world. The race is within.

You have two choices in life.

Keep working to improve yourself and get to the best spot or position, within the orbit you are in.

Become the captain of your school.

Become the student of the year in your college.

The spot award winner in your company.

Or

Change your orbit

Try to become the student of the year in the state.

Try to become the ceo of the company.

Try to start your own company.

Try to go to mars.

It’s clear which one is easy.

Staying in your orbit is comfortable. It’s your zone. It’s your territory.

The new orbit is unknown. It’s unchartered. It’s risky. It might not work.

And yet, it’s those that attempt to change their orbit, that we look up to and draw from.

It’s the ones who change their orbit, who don’t belong to any orbit.

All they know is to change.

Not to stay.

Not to sit.

In the brilliant Knowledge Project podcast, Shane Parrish speaks to Tobias – founder and ceo of Shopify.

And in response to a question, Toby says, “if Shopify wins, no one loses!”

That is such a wonderful way to look at things, such a blesses position to be in and such a wonderful company to create.

As usual, my pensive mind took over and I wondered – who all will lose if I win, as an individual?

I realized there were some who might lose. Did I want them to? No. But they might.

And I then asked – what might I need to do differently that no one loses if I win.

I will encourage you to do the same. Ask yourself –

Which person

Which ideology

Which belief

Which value

Which opinion

Will lose, if you win?

And then if you care enough, ask further, what might I need to do, to ensure no one or nothing loses?

It’s not who you are underneath but what you do, that defines you.

– the Batman

It all about who I am. Because I don’t even know what all I do.

– everyone else?

A brilliant piece by Captain Gopinath emerged yesterday, on Kingfisher Airlines.

The gist of it was – Kingfisher Airlines, when it collapsed, had twice the market share of Air India with 10,000 employees. And a brand that people did love.

And a loan default of 6000 Crores.

Then how come we see Air India being saved by pumping in 50,000 Crores of taxpayers money – and the same was never considered for Kingfisher?

My guess? It is because we thought that Mallaya and Kingfisher are one.

And saving Kingfisher would amount to saving him!

Or, as we thought, hurting Kingfisher will hurt him!

Without knowing anything about him, it seems to me that he moved on, the day Kingfisher collapsed. While we are still stuck!

His arrogance and flamboyance made us despise him. And strangely his airline too.

And herein lies the truth of life.

We do this to our own selves. We create an image, a persona of who we should be, what we should say, how we should work, how we should behave.

Rarely stopping to ask – have we truly changed? Or have we just made this person up?

And then when we don’t deliver to our own expectations, we feel shitty about ourselves.

When the truth is – we were never going to deliver on that promise.

It’s all about me. Because I don’t even know who I am.

I stay on the 15th floor and quite often climb up the stairs, after my morning workout. 

And I love playing tricks with my mind. 

Usually I climb up while looking down, thinking about something, not consciously counting the floors. 

And then one time, I did notice the floor.
It was Floor 5. 
And my mind instantly went, “damn – all the hard work done until now, has to be repeated 2 more times”. 

And then one time, I did notice the floor.
It was floor 8. 
And my mind instantly went, “ok – just repeat what you have done until now and you will reach”. 

And then one time, I did notice the floor.
It was floor 10.
And my mind instantly went, “just half of what you have done until now!”

And then one time, I did notice the floor.
It was floor 15. 
And my mind instantly went, “wow! Its done?”

And then one time, I did notice the floor.
It was floor 16. 
And my mind instantly went, “holy shit. I didnt even realize it!”

There are so many ways we can trick our minds. And all of them begin with not tracking what milestone we have hit so far. Instead focusing on the climb. 
And keep climbing! 

My tennis coach has been saying just one thing for the past 6 months.

Get the posture right.

He claims that with the right posture, the effort to hit the ball dramatically reduces.

And I have felt it.

Those rare moments when the legs, the hands, the racquet, the weight are all aligned, it’s effortless to hit the ball.

But it isn’t easy. Years of conditioning and bad posturing makes it super hard to get it right.

And that, to me, is coaching.

Quickly getting the fundamentals in order.

And then spending a lifetime just getting the posture right.

Because once it happens – it’s effortless.

That, to me, is also life!

Quickly figuring out the basics.

And then spending the rest of our lives getting the posture right.

When our minds, our body, our emotions are all aligned – the right posture – living life becomes effortless.

But for that – we all need a coach.

Not someone who necessarily plays better than us.

Rather someone who can observe people for who they are, not what the coach thinks they are or should be.

Find your coach. For the right posture.

Stayed at the Oberoi last night.

The previous night at an OYO.

And it was so clear, yet again. The only time we are truly awake, is when we are sleeping.

The conscious mind knows the difference between an Oberoi and an OYO. It seeks to judge. To assign a value. A prestige to the choice.

The subconscious mind couldn’t care less. It is neutral, indifferent, objective.

It is what we should be.

The bed we sleep on is judged by us all the time. Once asleep, our minds are possibly judging us!

Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky invented a fictitious woman named Linda and gave her the below description:

“Linda is thirty-one years old, single, outspoken, and very bright. She majored in philosophy. As a student, she was deeply concerned with issues of discrimination and social justice, and also participated in antinuclear demonstrations.”

People were then asked to cite which statement was more likely:

Linda is a bank teller.

Linda is a bank teller who is active in the feminist movement.

Did you choose the latter option? It’s easy to see someone like Linda being involved in feminist causes. And it’s much easier to picture her in that role than as a bank teller. Undergraduate study participants agreed. Nearly 90% said that Linda was more likely to be a feminist bank teller than a bank teller.

Except this choice completely defies the laws of probability. Since all feminist bank tellers are included within the overall base of bank tellers, the probability of Linda being a feminist bank teller must be lower than the probability of her being a bank teller.

Ask yourself

How many times have you allowed YOUR imagination of someone else come in the way of truly discovering that person?

And then ask the more important question

How many times have you allowed YOUR impression of who you are come in the way of discovering who you truly are?