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This disgusting title emerges in my newsletter.

I call it disgusting because it’s selling a dream that is destructive in nature.

A dream that tries to suggest that something deep can be attained quickly.

And there is a trick you aren’t aware of, that several people have deployed.

So you are the stupid person, to not know this.

The title feeds on people’s insecurities and desire for speedy redemption.

There was a time when information didn’t travel as fast.

What you knew, you knew deeply.

Awareness almost always meant deep understanding and research.

Today, you don’t need to understand anything. knowing is considered good enough.

And in this works of shallow understanding and all pervasive awareness, the act of research is an act of rebellion.

Curiosity is the new IQ

You receive a phone call.

Hello?

It’s hello with a question mark.

When we say hello, what we really mean is “who is it?”

And yet, we rarely ask “who is it?”.

It’s hello – it’s what the world uses. It’s the default. It’s the accepted norm. It’s meaning has completely changed. And yet it continues to be used.

That begs the question

How many things in your life are still being used, even when their meaning has completely changed?

Just because it’s something you are used to?

When did you turn a greeting into a question, without realizing it?

Jeff Bezos famously spoke about the culture at Amazon – disagree and commit.

Not everyone will agree to a single point of view. And yet one has to ensure the company moves forward.

So you get everyone in a room, have an honest debate about the decision to be made and seek opinions.

At the end of it all, you would hopefully have most of the participants aligned on one point of view.

There will still be some that are not. And for those – you can chose to disagree, but we want you to commit.

In the end, we will know which side of the argument held more weight.

The hard part about disagree and commit is not the disagreement.

It’s the commitment.

I told you so

I always knew this won’t work

See, this is exactly what I had predicted

You should have trusted my experience/data

So while it takes a lot of courage to instill a culture of disagree and commit, it takes even more for individuals to remain committed.

Every single day, you are not only fighting against your own self doubt, but also the false support of success from others.

Our car came back from servicing day before

I drove it and could instantly hear a noise that wasn’t there before. Right when one accelerates. And it’s loud. Quite audible.

I send the car back to check on it.

The technician sits in the car, next to the driver. He is driven around. And not surprisingly, he can hear the noise too.

So he pulls this a mobile app. It’s a diagnostic tool. It connects to various parts of the car and diagnoses potential issues, I am assuming basis several parameters.

It’s honestly quite fancy.

He tests the car on the app and the app gives it a clear sign.

88% working condition.

And the technician goes – “sir, your car is perfectly fine. There is no problem.”

“But…you just heard the noise. Didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. But the app says there is no problem.”

“Well, yes. The app says so. But you too know that there is something wrong with the car.”

“Sir. The app says there isn’t anything wrong”

Extend this scenario to life.

How often do we allow set norms and processes and rules to overrule the one thing what truly sets us apart.

Our judgement.

How often do we allow any “machine” – technological, social, financial – to supersede our gut.

But, Our rule books says this is the way it’s supposed to be done.

But, my parents say this is the right thing for me.

But, my religion says this isn’t right.

But, my boss says don’t do this.

But, the world doesn’t work this way.

Don’t allow something created by humans, to become a bigger truth than humans themselves.

How many of you are not quite proud of what you are good at?

You perhaps think it’s not what the world would call intellectual.

It isn’t math or physics or biology or business or excel or powerpoint or finance or well, cryptocurrency!

You perhaps things it’s not what the world would find fascinating.

It isn’t travel planning, time management, stress management, being organized.

Instead, its singing

Story telling

Listening

Illustrating

History

Maps

Flowers

Birds

You most certainly suck at a lot of things

You are probably good at something

Build that something good into your life

Double down on that. Make it your life. Because that something you are good at, is precious. It’s rare to find. Even rarer to sustain.

Stop caring about whether the world thinks of “what you are good at” as worthy of their praise.

They will eventually submit to all those who are phenomenally good at what they do.

Why do we share what’s going on in our lives, with other people?

Good and bad things?

When we know that it’s impossible for someone else to know what we are truly going through?

When we know it’s likely they can’t help?

When we know it’s likely they won’t feel as happy as we are?

Why do we share?

Here is my uneducated guess

It’s because we like people who are like us

And by sharing, we plant a little bit of ourselves in their lives

We “pollute” them with us, our stories, our worldview, our culture.

Force them to think like we do.

Sharing is our way of colonizing our world!

And if it, should we, instead of sharing, go back to listening?

What do you think about how I am dealing with this?

How would you have reacted in this situation?

What would you do?

Sharing your feelings is you trying to win a war. Listening is you trying to win a mind.

I am getting coached in tennis nowadays. Decided it was high time I fulfilled this childhood desire of mine.

Having played table tennis for several years and tennis too for some (while in school), it didn’t take long for me to find a rhythm of rallying.

However, 4 weeks into it and it’s clear how my “technique” is hampering my growth.

What I have gotten used to in all these years, is a way of holding the racquet, hitting the ball, using my body.

And that form served me well, at my intermediate level.

Without the absence of a correction, this form became a habit. A default.

And today when the coach tells me to correct my form – I find it hard.

Years of doing it the wrong way, just because the wrong way was adequate for my level, has now stalled my ability to increase the level.

And now, think of how this translates into life!

Years of staying in a shitty job just because it paid the bills has now stalled your ability to grow.

Years of being abused in a relationship just because it gave you security has now stalled your ability to connect.

Years of ordering people just because it got the work done has now stalled your ability to lead.

Years of living life just because you had to has now stalled your ability to enjoy life!

The sooner you find someone who corrects you, the less mistakes you will make.

People aren’t motivated to do what “they should do”.

They are motivated by what “they could do”.

The mountain they can climb.

The peak they can conquer.

The notion they can dispel about themselves.

The payback attached to it.

The excitement of reaching something big.

And the belief that it’s within their grasp to do so.

People aren’t motivated to do the normal. They are inspired to go beyond the normal.

People often regret things they couldn’t have done.

An alternate suggestion is to consider things you don’t regret doing more of.

And suddenly what’s not necessary emerges, hopefully leaving time and space to do what’s necessary

I don’t wish I could have slept more

I don’t wish I could have gotten angrier

I don’t wish I could have stayed longer with that bad boss

I don’t wish I could have continued to hate myself

I don’t wish I could have spent more money on buying things I didn’t need

I don’t wish I could have been more mean

I don’t wish I could have….

Over this weekend I was part of a rather interesting event.

On parenting in today’s world.

As I was gathering my thoughts to share with the audience, I realized how much being an entrepreneur has helped me in parenthood. And as Vidur turns 7, I can see how parenting is helping back in the entrepreneurial journey too.

What became evident rather quickly, from the questions and reactions, few of us are prepared for parenting.

As humans, we are horrible at understanding other people. We are unpredictable, biased, judgmental, emotional, layered with our own context – to truly have the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and make sense of it.

Being a parent requires not just that, but also the ability to guide, direct, advice and (as most of us unfortunately believe) command.

Not easy!

Here are 3 thoughts that have helped me

• Stop calling them special.

They are most likely not. And even if they are, don’t trick them into believing that being special means you are never wrong, you will never fail, and even if you participate you still win a medal!

That’s not real life.

• Realize that you are technically incapable of telling them what they should become

The world is changing so rapidly, that the notion of parents still trying to impose careers into their kids – doctors, engineers, lawyers – is laughable.

As average parents we are horribly ill equipped to predict the future. So let’s stop telling them what they should become.

Instead let’s train them on how they should think about it.

• Don’t take away their immersion

The biggest asset in today’s world is the ability to focus.

And kids have that.

When they play.

When they forget everything. Food, TV, sleep, school.

And immerse themselves in a task – that consumes them.

Don’t interrupt. Don’t call them for lunch or dinner. Don’t order them to sleep. Don’t ask them to pack up. Let them be.

Funny how critical the role of a parent is to shape the future of our world.

And how many of us are just not prepared.

Worst still, we rely on history (our parents) to tell us what we should do.

History can only teach us why we did what we did. Not what we should do going forward.

Enroll yourself in the school of parenting. That’s the one profession that matters.