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Words. Wisdom. Winners.
What you could have done…
Whenever you wonder about all that you could have done, it futile.
You can’t do it anymore.
And no amount of thinking or regret will change that.
Here are better questions to ask
What stopped me from doing it? (And do those things still exist in my life?)
What was it that I didn’t know back then? (And I know today?)
Regret will keep you in the past.
Reflection will bring you out of it.
Energy
To change any state of matter, energy is required.
That’s the law of thermodynamics that governs the world.
And that includes humans as well.
For us to move from one state to another will require energy.
For us to move from happiness to sadness or vice versa,
For us to move from risk aversion to risk friendliness and vice versa
For us to move from autocracy to democracy and vice versa
Will require energy
Mental energy
And mental energy drains us faster than physical energy
We give up much earlier than our bodies do
We resign to our circumstances much earlier than our muscles do
No wonder then – the world is collectively talking about work life balance.
Because the one at work is a different person than the one outside of work.
And that shift of state sucks is out of energy.
Thus the need to “balance”.
What we should really aspire for – is to work at a place where we can be who we are in real life.
If the state of matter continues, energy is not lost.
Do everything possible to find environments that do not change your state.
Instead, amplify them!
Opinionated
We all have opinions.
Opinions, based on our experiences, our upbringing, our past, people who we spend time with. Opinions based on our worldview.
And these opinions drives our judgement.
The problem arises when our opinions make us opinionated.
When we treat these opinions as facts.
And worse, when faced with a differing opinion, a differing view, we reject it instantly. Terming it as something that needs to be won over.
Something that needs to be destroyed.
But then, someone else’s opinion has also been shaped up their own experiences, their upbringing, their past, and through people they spend time with.
What if, instead of rejecting someone else’s opinion, we empathised with the context that formed their opinion?
What if, we tried to see what could have possibly shaped up this opinion?
“In my opinion” should be a way to present your opinion.
“I think i understand” should be a way to uncover someone else’s opinion.
“I think both can coexist” should be a way to not be overcome with our opinion.
Winning an argument
I saw a political party calling the voters of the opposite party as stupid. That’s pretty dumb, considering they will need the very same “stupid” voters for a victory.
And herein lies the irony of most arguments.
They start with an intent of common ground, to share a common understanding, to convince by facts and figures of a truth they both agree upon.
But as the argument ensues, it quickly becomes a battle to speak, rather listen.
And we stop to realize that until we don’t have the two sides converge, there is no victory.
Telling someone they are wrong is never going to convince someone.
Telling someone they don’t see the point, is hypocritical.
Telling someone you will never understand, is you facing the mirror.
Winning an argument is possible only when both sides feel they have won.
Cause it’s easy not to
You like pain but only if it doesn’t hurt too much
And you sit, and you wait, to receive
There’s an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life…
…‘Cause it’s easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you, to you, to you, to you
– Alanis (Wake Up)
The effort that it takes to go beneath the surface, to seek the truth, to appreciate the emotions, to hear a contrarian view
Is the difference between a life lived on lazy terms
And a life lived on your terms
Because the truth is – the lazy life isn’t our choice. It’s been dumped on us. By the average world around us. Seducing us towards it. By showing how thrilling the experience is right now. Why should you care about later?
The truth is – by living the lazy life you are living someone else’s life.
It’s easy not to do the hard work. And it’s easy to call it your choice.
Just that, it isn’t!
Reading books
One can’t read a book. One can only reread it
– Vladimir Nabokov
Ever since I got back to reading book religiously, the above realization has been more than evident. Most books don’t offer much new. And the Pareto is massive.
A few books offer disproportionately high value.
And each time I go back to such books, it is amazing how much my current circumstance makes me see the same thing in a different light.
Or my new frame of reference makes me understand an abstract from before.
You realize, life is exactly the same.
Like books.
People, their stories, their experiences – are books.
And in one’s life – choosing the right books/people and retreading them, makes all the difference.
This means graduating from kindergarten books / school friends – to books of meaning / mentors.
And that means reading a lot of books / meeting a lot of people – before settling in on the ones you wish to reread.
In life, a library is the best place to chose. Not the best place to spend all your time.
Spend it with the few books that were written for you.
Spend it with the few people you can reread from.
The lazy web
The most visited page on the blog is my 6pack abs story.
And the most asked question is “which protein shake did you use?”
The answer is there in the blog.
But.
Welcome to the lazy web.
We read something. And we have questions.
And we ask those questions.
Without checking, if those questions have been asked already or not?
There is a high chance they have been asked already.
Yet, we will assume our question to be so important that we expect the writer to answer.
But the writer has got multiple of such questions. Several of them asking the same thing.
The writer has shared the answer already. And is now not likely to answer to your specific question.
Because the question has been answered. Does it really matter if it wasn’t “your” question that was answered?
That is how life behaves.
Most questions have already been asked.
And most answered have already been answered.
They are part of books, part of legends, part of history, part of someone’s experience.
They are part of the blog post called life.
And yet, we will keep asking the same questions.
Waiting for an answer.
Life is not a customer service helpline.
It’s an encyclopedia.
The hard work has to be done by us.
What is normal now?
Was reading a twitter thread on how one of the most underrated category of videos on TicTok are of couples getting divorced or breaking up!
The videos are unbelievable.
Not unbelievable because they are overly dramatic.
Unbelievable because several people out there think it’s absolutely ok to post a video of you taking your wedding ring off and throwing it at the camera, shaking your head in disgust.
I never imagined someone would do that.
But now I do.
And what wasn’t normal until now, is normal again!
This is what the world today is all about.
On a daily basis – we are consuming content that is making the once abnormal thing, normal.
On a daily basis, we are exposed to situations that defy our worldview. Planting a seed subconsciously of a new world order.
What happens though is something very interesting.
Our reactions to what was previously not normal but now is – also needs to change. If we react the same way to a unique situation twice, it’s considered a non reaction.
Becoming immune to these “normal” situations isn’t allowed.
Catching attention requires upping your levels.
Hence,
Terrorists now have to strike bigger and in more unexpected way, to cause outrage.
The outrage has to be expressed more blatantly and openly, to cause reaction.
Reaction has to be more dramatic and more brutal, to offer solace.
And solace needs to be expressed publicly and to everyone, than to be consumed within.
Nothing is normal anymore. And hence our reactions are surprising our own selves!
The worst possible pain
Is perhaps that of a parent to lose their young child. As a father of 2, I shudder to imagine how that night even feel.
While so many amongst us have gone through this feeling.
And while shattered, destroyed and devastated – they turned the tragedy into a reason for change.
My family experienced this 7 years back. A young lad killed in a road accident. Leaving behind doting parents and a sister.
To “celebrate” his first birthday after he was gone – the parents held a blood donation camp.
I recall going there – feeling awkward about what to possibly say on such an occasion.
But instead say smiles on their faces. Their son will never come back, but hundreds might come back because of their deeds.
To this day, the tradition continues. And I have done by bit to donate every quarter – with the 3rd quarter of the year reserved for Yousman.
While the void will never ever fill, their pain has given way to change.
I wish all our pains also give way to change.
The good to great lesson
Becoming great isn’t the same as becoming good.
In fact, good is the enemy of great (Jim Collins).
If you are good, you believe continuing on the same path will lead to greatness.
Doing 10 times the amount of good will make you 10X better.
And we all succumb to this “easy” path. Of resigning to being good.
Great is about changing the orbit. About risks. About patience. About tenacity. About judgment.
It’s about talent too. Much lesser though as we would like to believe.
You become good by honing your talent.
You become great by realizing talent isn’t everything.
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