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The other day I had a 40 year old doctor join my Instagram live. Despite having worked so hard to get that degree, and she was now a full-time life coach.

“What made you make the shift?” I asked.

My daughter attempted suicide. She even left a note. Not only that, thrice she had tried escaping the home. This finally made me think and work with a psychologist about where I could be wrong.

As she continued to tell her story, she added it was much fun and thoughtful to work with youngsters as they are easy to learn and flexible to unlearn.

It was so beautiful to see someone take responsibility for her relationship even though it was flexible for her to avoid it completely.

Isn’t it strange how much we discover within ourselves if we are willing to look within instead of poking fingers (even subconsciously)?

You’re starting something you’ve never done. It’s making you anxious. You find yourself lacking confidence.

What if I fail? What if I’m laughed at? What if my critics say: “I told you!”

It’s impossible to have 100% confidence when you’re starting something new. It’s however 100% possible to know that you will figure it out. That you care about your progress more than what people think of you. That even if you fail, you will own it and make it better.

Confidence that you don’t have confidence as of now but you will figure things out is the only confidence you ought to have.

If it made you happy yesterday, don’t put the pressure on it to make you happy today as well.

We humans change. External things don’t.

A wiser choice is to pick something different that matches your current state of happiness.

One of the happiest definitions of happiness is to know that happiness isn’t rigid. Nothing could be a happier realisation!

Most of us have been raised to study, work hard and get a comfortable job.

Except that most of us want to pursue something else that we love. So we work toward it. Waiting for that big break. Waiting for someone to recognise us. Or the least, to get at least one chance.

If we work hard and if we’re lucky, we somehow get that chance. 

But what happens after that chance? Do we work harder or do we become complacent? Do we underpromise and overdeliver or do we commit and don’t fulfill it? Do we become more fierce or do we lose our fire?

Shah Rukh Khan was once asked the reason behind his success, to which he replied, “Most people work hard to get a chance. But no one works as hard as me after getting a chance.”

Working hard when you don’t even have to, gives success when you don’t even ask for it.

Our parents want us to choose a risk-free path of life. Engineering, CA, lawyer, doctor. Stability was something they craved for. Stability is something they wish for us as well.

However, we have a different take on life. Rightly so, because we have way more exposure, opportunities and options than they had. And most of us want to go against our parents’ wishes and choose the path of risk and see how things unfold.

As we have these conversations with our parents, they may understand our PoV. Or they may not. However, there’s one thing that we ought to communicate to them:
We disobeying them does not mean we are disrespecting them.

Most important things in life that need to be said are unsaid.

To go for the career of your choice. It’s risky.
To choose your happiness over society’s validation. It’s risky.
To leave the comfort and chart for new territories. It’s risky

Of course it is risky. But isn’t not taking that risk a bigger risk?

We chase goals, work hard towards them, and when we finally achieve them, we still feel incomplete. Why does that happen?

Because we tie our happiness to a place. Showing people that you can. Proving them wrong. Making sure you have their respect. It all becomes a journey where we couldn’t care less about the journey, because we have all our eyes on the destination. 

Except it makes us more drained out in the end.

I had a student come over my Instagram Live the other day, who has been practising magic tricks for 6 years now, and baffled me with a few of his tricks on the show. He does not plan to make it full time, nor does he plan to monetise it. 

But just the fact of getting up each day and having something to progress to, has kept him through the troughs and valleys. 

Daily progress = daily happiness minus Conditions attached

Chasing daily progress is the ultimate antidote to the emptiness of chasing goals.

If given a chance to trade anything of the wealthiest people, what is the right thing to trade?

Their money? Status? Network? Hard work? Life Lessons?

The best thing to trade for, is their curiosity.
What do they think about the most? What is the pattern of their thinking? What are their mental models?

Curiosity can make us figure out a way to make a motor car in a world where everyone wanted a faster horse cart. Lack of it, can make us believe we are meant for slow commutes forever.

Having wealth of the wealthy is like eating fish, having their curiosity is learning to fish. 

Our parents are the people we disagree with the most.
We have differing opinions on the smallest life issues to making big life decisions.
And that’s okay. And a different thing.

Right now, our parents need a different thing from us: Our presence.
When they were our age, they witnessed tremendous hard work, lack of opportunities, and struggle to make ends meet. Right now, they are witnessing death of those around and younger than them. 

Life hasn’t been easy for them. But we can make it a bit easy, by being there for them – making them talk about their favourite topics (our childhood, their childhood), listening to them, or simply engaging with them.

Strange that people we love the most and vice versa need only love from us when they see love around them crumbling down in all ways.

I’ll be happy when I find my partner.
I’ll be happy when my parents understand me.
I’ll be happy when my efforts are applauded.

I’ll be happy “when”…

When we attach a “when” to happiness, we make it conditional. Someone else has to take the responsibility to do something that will make us happy. That’s a huge onus to place on those who aren’t even aware they are carrying a heavy load.

The safer and more convenient option is to own our happiness. To be able to control our factors and definition of happiness. To be happy alone.

Happiness in relationships is not contingent. Happiness is a relationship with ourselves. When we have that relationship right, we become happier in all other relationships.