A stranger writes in to you
“Hey, i just read your blog. I don’t agree with it. You came across as full of yourself!”
For most people their first reaction in their head will be “fuck off. He doesn’t even know me to say what he said. Ignore”
Some might respond – explaining.
Some might confront. Some might abuse.
Picture another scenario
A stranger writes in to you
“Hey – I just read your blog. It’s awesome. I am so inspired”
Most of us will pat ourselves on our back. Feel great. Self worth will increase.
Some will reply with a generous thank you. Some will go awwww
Now enact the same thing with a really close friend of yours
Your friends honest critical view of yourself will hurt you more than a stranger’s would
And his authentic praised for you will most likely be dismissed. Heard but not valued.
Ironic, isn’t it?
We dismiss genuine appreciation from a known quarter. And genuine feedback from a stranger.
It fits into our worldview that this truth isn’t as valuable.
When that’s precisely the truth that one should listen to and reflect upon.
Criticism from strangers and appreciation from loved ones is the only mirror ever produced.
“We dismiss genuine appreciation from a known quarter. And genuine feedback from a stranger ” — May be because we think that the person knows us and might be biased towards us, whereas for unknown strangers to shower praises or criticize: he has nothing to gain or loose hence it tends(not every time) to be more genuine.
I think more than person/quarter (loved ones or strangers) its more of how we feel about the authenticity of the feedback. I think it comes from experience.
A mother would always appreciate you no matter what, however it becomes so common for us, that even when she is genuinely appreciating you, you feel that you ignore her appreciation.
Eventually its your own experience that adds up to all of this. The moral is not to forget those events or scenarios where you were given feedback and analyze later which were the genuine ones :)
(Might seem saintly, but seems most positive and constructive)
Assuming one wants to remain happy all the time! And would like to hold oneself in highest regard (as it seems the most positive thing to do)
Case 1. You consider any External Feedback (meaning: any suggestions from the world [friends, family/strangers] except one’s own self)
In case external feedback is positive, one will be overjoyed. But, the moment one hears a negative one, the doubt over its authenticity will pop up. Happiness score – Part a)+1 Part b) -1
Case 2. You are not bothered by external feedback to most extent
In case external feedback is positive, one can choose to be happy, still doubting even if it was true. For negative feedback, one can again doubt the authenticity and choose to ignore it. Thus still remaining okay with it. Happiness score – Part a)+1 Part b) 0
Lesson: the outside feedback (both positive and negative) should not be very important. Also, one should remain happy & positive as much as possible…
PS: I love mathematics :)
This whole theory holds true on another assumption, that there is no clear differentiation of friend from stranger or family from friend. Family advice in a matter, might work out disastrous whereas, advice on the same matter from a stranger might work out to be a charm. So any advice, about your well being, might be good or bad for you as it is based on the subjective perception of the person it is coming from. Therefore, it is hard to separate friends,family and strangers from each other.
This covers it all, might vary among individuals!
@Ayush – love the excel! :) And its visible you love maths – thanks for the feedback.
@Abhishek – 100% agree with you moral of the story :)