ankur Warikoo

I dont take responsibility for any pain that WILL BE inflicted on you, once you attempt to do so…but nonetheless…try it!

What to do in a flight when you have an annoying passenger sitting next to you:

1. Remove your laptop from the case

2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully

3. Turn it on, while gulping down your own spit

4. Make sure the passenger next to you is looking (well…you dont really have to do that, because 99% he will already be looking)

5. Close your eyes for a few moments and look up to the skies

6. Open this site (well…the Internet wont work, so save the file and open it) – http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

—–

Whats funny about these forwards is thinking of a possibility when everyone starts taking them seriously! Imagine you open your laptop to the site above and the one next to you goes…”damn…I was supposed to do that in the next minute”

or better still

Imagine you open your laptop to the site above and the one next to you goes…”damn brother…couldnt you have told the head office about this plan…i wont have friggin spent last 6 months learning how to take a bomb through airport security…now what do i do with mine?”

Fwd Courtesy: Komal Jalan

That’s it..! Does anyone out there need any further documentation on which is the sexiest phone out there?

Scottish couple use an iPhone app to help conceive a baby girl

I am tempted to say this is good news for SecondShaadi, but honestly, if the divorce was caused due to FB, there was a case for it right from the start…! FB would only be an excuse…not the cause…!

Facebook fuelling divorce, research claims

In a remarkable marketing strategy (I think this is marketing…they cant be that stupid to be serious!) employed by Haagen Dazs in India…I saw the biggest WTF banner on Saturday at the Select City Walk, Saket. Unfortunatly my phone battery has gone down and I couldnt capture it, but am glad someone did…!

1. Some agency is definitely getting fired

2. They really did take the marketing seriously and asked Indians to go away! Now THAT is crazy!

Ofcourse, as with everything in India…this too is a big media thing now…

(Photo Credit: Rajesh Kalra)

Outside the office of one of my clients!

I am a consultant, and honestly, the word slideshow (as expected) is quite sacrosanct in the profession.

It not only defines our very existence, it is also proven to the perfect hypnotic pendulum swung infront of clients with the chant “your business is doomed…we can save it if you give us all your revenue”

but evidently, a lot of people like slideshows for some very different reasons!

I found one of the best reasons today!

Slideshow: The Women Linked To Tiger Woods (NSFW)

Only Fox could have come up with such a masterpiece

And for nationalists, the Fox counterpart is Indiatimes. YOU HAVE GOT TO CHECK this out!

Immense WTFness lives in this world!

—

Comment of the day:

My opinion of Tiger has sunk so low… The man has lousy taste in women.

Or why automated responses to most queries fall flat! Take your pick!

Not that we didn’t know it…but its fascinating…and equally scary…to see how much of data has google stored through that one single username password of yours..! Gmail, Orkut, Reader, Search, Youtube, Alerts, GTalk…we dont realize how much of time we spend on Google products everyday and how all of those actions are being stored

Google released its DashBoard feature this week, which helps users with Google accounts to shit in their pants looking at the amount of information that lies with the company.

For starters, I have:

• over 18,000 received emails,
• over 7,000 sent mails and
• over 5,o00 chat conversations

saved in my GMail account!!! Holy friggin shit…!

And oh…in the month of October, i executed more than 10,700 google search queries…ALL of which are stored…!

It is scary…and also jaw-dropping…to realize that a single entity knows so much about possibly every young individual in this world!! EVERYTHING!

Phew!

To whosoever it may concern at AI, (Bad start…because it really will not concern anyone at AI…it never will)

Recall the incident wherein one of your Airhostesses on the Sharjah-Lucknow flight had reportedly leveled molestation charges against two pilots. Today, you have gone ahead and chargesheeted her.

“Komal Singh has been chargesheeted for speaking to the media against company policies. She has also been accused of insubordination, disobeying seniors,” said a senior official working with the airline, wishing anonymity.

A lot of people are crying foul here and accusing you of gender-bias. But I don’t think you…I don’t think you guys even thought that this would amount to gender-bias, because quite frankly thinking that far requires brains. So no, its not gender-bias! I would be writing this letter even if the person levying the charges would have been a guy!

I simply have 2 questions:

1. Imagine that the undergoing case would actually have resulted in the charges being proven true. Would you still have gone ahead with the chargesheet?

2. Imagine that the air-hostess had not jumped up and down infront of the media and simply reported the matter to her seniors. Would you have still taken this charge as seriously?

—-

I have another question, this time for my lawyer friends. Can the public chargesheet Air India and Indian Airlines for running this setup the way it is run. Where money continues to be lost every year, and not because it is offering any ’social service’ to the nation by operating at subsidized rates, but simply because of the public sector hangover where accountability is not a standard to live up to. A company whose losses are being funded by the population! I think that crime enough for a chargesheet, no?

In the biggest WTF this year, Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples,” the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.

ummm…WHAT…???

He has been in office for friggin 8 months…or 9…whatever…! Even more…he would have been in office around 2 weeks even the deadline (Feb 01) of the Nobel Prize closed. So basically, someone was so overwhelmed with the Obama “Yes We Can” that he went ahead and nominated him. And the committee too was so mesmerized that they friggin awarded him!

Dont get me wrong here…I like the guy…he seems nice and is trying to do stuff. But honestly, he speaks more than he delivers. We have seen enough instances of his reaching out to the masses like never before, ala Rahul gandhi, but cmon, with the shit that the US is going through he better be doing stuff too. To me this award is more of an appreciation of what he intends to do, than a reward for what he has done. And hey…thats not what the award is meant to be for!

In bigger WTF…did you know that some jackass nominated Hitler for the awards too!

IF this is true…this has got to be the sexiest thing ever!

PhotoSketch: Internet Image Montage from tao chen on Vimeo.

We present a system that composes a realistic picture from a simple
freehand sketch annotated with text labels. The composed picture
is generated by seamlessly stitching several photographs in agreement
with the sketch and text labels; these are found by searching
the Internet. Although online image search generates many inappropriate
results, our system is able to automatically select suitable
photographs to generate a high quality composition, using a filtering
scheme to exclude undesirable images. We also provide a novel
image blending algorithm to allow seamless image composition.
Each blending result is given a numeric score, allowing us to find
an optimal combination of discovered images. Experimental results
show the method is very successful; we also evaluate our system using
the results from two user studies.

WHO are these girls…why…why…why would they do this to themselves…AND to the world around them! I wanna meet these chicks man…

actually…nevermind!

Brilliance of the article is captured in this one statement

“Swayamvar Season 2 while following a similar format as its predecessor will have a complete unique spin. 16 men were wooing Rakhi, now will 16 ladies woo Rahul or will Rahul woo 16 ladies?“

…i especially love how it makes itself so flexible that the very rights people have, become their weapons to play around with the system!

What the F*** is Nalini thinking????

Ummm…hang on…just a minute…! Was it you who ummm…was involved in the assassination of Rajiv Gandhi?? Huh..? Yes? Oh ok…! So what is it that you are demanding now? Ohhh…an early release…oh thats why you are on a fast…! Aaahh….makes sense..! Please go ahead. Please!

Cattle

1. Large rudimentary animal that are bred for slaughter and processed into food products
2. Short for ‘cattle class’ which pertains to flying economy class (or ‘coach’ in America) on a flight. It is called this mainly because many people are crammed into such a small space for an extended period of time and most of the time are treated like animals.

In other words, Cattle Class is not a reference to the people travelling in economy, rather a reflection of the apathy of the service provider towards such people! Which, if you really ask me, is true, especially of the Railways (and nowadays also of airlines!). We have all been a victim of stinking toilets, torn seats, dirty linen and kullad dahi

So I really fail to understand the big shit about Tharoor’s remarks on twitter. I might be conservative here, but I am on that side of the country today which suggests that Politicians need to be politically correct all the time! That by definition is a politician! He cant be insensitive to the masses.

But my contention here is that Tharoor wasnt! The friggin INC is suggesting that he was! No…wait…let me rephrase that…the INC is holding Tharoor by the throat, blocking his nose, opening his mouth…and making sure he gulps the fact that he was insensitive in his remarks! He WASNT!

And now….he goes to Soniaji to beg for mercy…amidst demands of his resignation! Holy friggin shit..! He has been told to be careful

Tharoor’s tweets from now on, will be such

cattle class in solidarity with all our holy cows

(Twitter HAS to be flexible enough to allow dashes in its tweets, from now on! Government can friggin fail)

What’s ironical is that all this tamasha could not have come at a better time! Duronto…madam mamta (not kulkarni) non-stop trains project…has reintroduced the 3-tier system (long disbanded) in the side berth!

INC – do you now understand who is being referred to..in “cattle class”

Well…atleast someone has a sense of humor in the party…!

What…he has been asked to resign…!!??? Had to be…!

This is one of the funniest unedited news reporting I have seen….can we please have similar ones from AajTak…!

Holy friggin shit…!! God bless the inmates…and it better not have Celina Jaitly as one of them!

Baba Ramdev to feature on Big Boss 3

On second thoughts…maybe it IS a great strategy. Get the voyeurs and the religious to one TV show! this is like AXN meets Aastha Channel! Big B is surely going to have a great time!

Update: Damn!

This is the craziest thing i have seen in a long long time….! ofcourse…the craziest thing i have heard lately is the SRK ‘detention’…! Think about it…what if the guard’s name was Keith Johnson…and he just…in all good intentions…went…”oh my f***ing god…is that you…Shahrookh khaaan”…! f*** me…! wassup dude…i am KJo…!”…

Maybe SRK went into the detention himself…! eh eh eh…???

Enjoy the video…!

i dont want to comment on which country this looks like…but heck…has this ever happened in India…? I wont be surprised…we are a young country…we are all still learning how to use escalators…!

This is simply amazing….whats even more amazing is how expressionless these friggin passengers were all through the annoucement…but then they finally clapped towards the end…!

southwest simply rocks when it comes to such things…! :)

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

This takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from a Physiotherapist… This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. It’s pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY!!) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6′ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. And there’s nothing you can do about it!

JUST DO IT acquired a whole new meaning…