ankur Warikoo

Work has been tight lately…for good and for bad reasons! So I am borrowing a nice forward for this post!

The 5 toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Cricket.
b. Shahrukh.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

Question 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!”)

Forward Courtesy: Randhir

Beautiful imagination! Its ironic that the same can be said about the ‘purpose’ of the war too…!

Technorati Code: XR226XSV58RQ

as MG pointed out in last evening’s conversation…i tend to worry a lot.

and i agree…

out of all the things that make me question our existence on a daily basis..there is one that has been troubling me for quite sometime now..! sleepness nights…bouts of anxiety and depression…breathlessness…and sudden heartpains usually accompany the thought….and there is no escapin..

in search for my quest for freedon…i turn to you…please help me…

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME WAS THIS DUDE THINKING…WHEN HE CREATED THIS THREAD…!

here is a game …..its called SLAP SLAP SLAP ;)
very simple
just slap the person above n state the reason why he/she deserves the phaataaaaak ;)

OH NO NO…THATS NOT IT….

How old do you think the person above you is… make a guess
Dont peek into profiles ….k…

BETTER STILL…

I have seen this game on another channel but its fun:)
If ur daddy arranges ur marraige wid the person abouve u ……wht u will do……

AND THIS TAKES THE TROPHY

An interesting game…Just tell…what u wanna do with the above person…….
1. Shake Hand
2. A Hug
3. A Kiss
4. A Kick
5. A Slap
6. A Look
7. A Smile
8. A Wink ;)
9. Dont want to even look at
10.Ask her/him out
12.Walk away

Let’s start….

and if the pain wasnt enough…its always heartening to see that each of these historic milestones have gotten more than 10,000 REPLIESSS………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these gem of a masterpiece were created on what could potentially be the biggest threat to manking after AIDS…! and its called orkut..!
i am telling you guys..(and PK knows this already)…very soon google will be controlling our relationships. we email through it…chat through it…make friends through it…and then search for stuff to kill then with through it…!

very soon…

~a

PS: on a different and a much happier note…i have finally…after years of search…found my dream machine. i know an upgrade will come by as soon as i post this…but then…what the heck…i am in love with this…

The Hasselblad Digital SLR
At USD 30,000…my calculations predict exactly 4.386 generations before i lay my hands on this…!

i believe that nature has a wonderful way of telling you what to do next…or to make you realize that what you are doing shouldnt be done. and the best part is that it will do so in a manner that will make you believe it was your own choice…all the way…

i saw Swades last night. was a tad dissapointed. possible because i was watching it at a time when dozens of praises had already been registered by my conscience. so i was expecting a lot more than i got. somehow…i cant credit SRK with much. no matter how powerful the script…something has to happen to certify SRK as the hero of the movie. i didnt get the point of the scene wherein he was trying to generate electricity through the turbine and had to pull out that straw bunch after the turbine failed to reach 230 volts. PLEASE…why does HE have to be the one doing it…when there were hundred others. not that he used his NASA knowledge to figure out what the problem was…!!

anyways…i am loosing track. the movie wasn’t powerful. it didnt hit me. i did cry one occasion…but that surely wasnt cause of the powr of the script.

what struck me though…and this is where i link myself to the 1st para…was his reason to come back. he felt that his life has moved on…in a way that had left others behind…people who at some point of time were really precious to him.

and when i think of myself…i figure i am no different.

Today is the 5th of Sep…and i know that i havent called someone when i should have…(and who i did call for 4 years before i just stopped…one fine day). I do send her flowers every year…but havent met her since 1.5 yrs…! and come to think of it…at one point of time…she was the most important person in my life. someone who literally ‘made’ me…what i am today…!

Today is the 5th of Sep…and i wrote to him after almost a month (and after watching the movie). there was a time when we wouldnt go to sleep before talking to each other. when he used to call me at random hours…and we used to chat for hours thereafter. when i used to keep my landline under my blanket so as to not disturb my folks from the ringtone that would come at 2 in the morning…! and even though i still think of him as my closest guy friend…i shudder on the thought that it must just be on paper

Today is the 5th of Sep…and its been alsmost 2 weeks sinc ei have met her. when i left for dubai this time around…she told me…”i kept waiting for you…ab aayega nandu…ab aayega nandu…”…and i had tears in my eyes. i realized that an effort that will take me 30 mins…will give her priceless happiness. and yet i chose to be lazy…

Today is the 5th of Sep…and i didnt watch Swades for all that i am feeling. i choose to watch it for what i had heard about it…! and yet nature…had its way of telling me…”dude…u cudnt hv expected more out of SRK…but u sure did realize something that you were doing wrong…”

live has surely moved on…

~a

thanks daddy for reminding me…i had been procastinating…partly cause i wanted to…partly cause i didnt have a choice…

work has been maddening lately…i was ‘almost’ handling 2 projects at the same time for the past 3 days…hv slept not more than 4 hours at a stretch in the past 3 nights…and have been almost labelled as a zombie by the man in the mirror.

bday…came and went…though it was quite relaxed. after a long time spent it with family…met R in the evening…cut a cake…and all..!

however, i have never ever had so many people wishing me…

• 221 orkut scraps (my bosses would be happy to note that none of my replies to all of these scraps came during office hours!)
• 28 emails (wow…!)
• 15 sms-es (and i thought that sms-es were the way to go…for the future)
• 11 phone calls

thank you…orkut birthday reminder…www.birthdayalarm.com…yahoo reminders….google alerts…outlook calendar….

…

dad is doing much better…will be starting office this week…inshallah…(!)…the doctors were really happy with his progress and it was during the review session did they disclose that he had literally come out from the most severe form of infection that could have hit his pancreas..!

happy news…

1. daddy got his visa…so he shall be leaving for yankee land very soon…
2. my final settlement from NIS (yes…the same company i used to work for some 1000 days back..!!)…came…and i am slightly rich now
3. almost…almost…completed the model that i was working on…to some awesome relief…
4. have a 3 day weekend this time…and am going for a road trip on saturday….wassssuuuupppp

life’s good…

~a

PS: daddy..(and this is god damn the 3rd time i am mentioning you)…there was one girl that didnt like me when she 1st met me…and i am to marry her next year…! i guess that was the criteria..! :)

so dad’s pancrease…which according to the doc had been over-worked cause of his gall bladder removal 8 yrs back…suddenly decided to go on a ‘pancreatic fundamentalist drive’. basically…trying to show that if desired…they can beat the shit out of someone…!

and boy they did…

he was in the hospital for 11 days…! and its horrible this way especially when you dont expect it. what was to become a sweet tide 4 day vacation for me…turned out to be a 11 day india ‘working from home’ stint…

• i drove, on an average, 100kms a day….up and down the hospital
• took charge of the house while mum stayed with dad…so basically…milking the cow…clearing the bullshit…making dung cakes…and washing clothes (am really serious this time!)
• worked for 8 hrs daily…4 hrs on live dubai time…and 4 hrs in the night…
• slept, on an average, for 4-5 hrs daily
• felt really really tired at the end of it all…

and lessons learnt – such situations will bring you face to face with the ‘real’

• while some people (and some of them really not expected to..) called up and mailed and messaged frequently…checking on dad’s health…some (and some of them expected to..) lost complete touch
• my manager didnt even wait for me to ask…before asking me to work from home. i left for india on wednesday…and reached dubai the following sunday. not too sure how many firms would have a value system so strong to allow that…with no questions asked. at all times…i had my team’s support…!
• mum…who till abt 15 days back wud feel pukish when entering a hospital…spent 11 days with dad..! she realized a whole new herself…
• dinner with jst my sis…and we had one of the best conversations ever…she talked abt the real her…and i suddenly realized tht we hvnt spent much time together…
• dad cried when i was leaving…
• R and i were both as excited as we were on our first date, when we went to dine together…4 days after i had been in india and not met her…

11 days…of india..of sleeplessness…and of housekeeping…

and something has changed….yet i remain with the same set of parameters that were governing my life so far…

on a different note…met with Y last night. had a great time with her….and realized that some relationships jst take off…and you dont ever know why. i wud hv never imagined tht i wud meet her again….forget the fact that it wud happen in a whole together different country….

life’s good…!

~a

there was a time…no so long ago…when i used to treat the ‘Reader’s Digest’ as a must read. this was much before i started reading the same for its jokes..only…! anyways…so this one time…there was a wonderful article on this dude who, when he was 18, made a list of 30 things he would wanna do before he turned 30. its almost a cliche now…but at that time the idea sounded quite cool. and this dude actually went on to accomplish each and everything on that list…and the article was all about how he managed to do so. just so you know…the things listed there were not exactly…”brush everyday”…but “travel on a bike for more than 3000 miles” sorts..!!!

and then…after a deulge of such posts by EU and SB….here is my version of the things i have done…would want to do…and would never want to do…(and this would be extremely India specific…somewhat inspired from EU’s entry…and in no specific order)

Index:

• Have done
• Want to do
• Dont want to do

1. thrown garbage on the road…paused….picked it up and dropped it in the thrash
2. had golgappas from the same guy who pulled out his snort a minute back
3. ran after a bus and caught it finally
4. slapped an auto guy cause he refused to go where you wanted to
5. saved a lady from being harassed/molested
6. watched an entire episode of krishi darshan
7. been on a bus…with just one foot on it
8. driven without a license
9. driven at more than 120 kmph
10. drove away when a traffic cop tried to stop you
11. asked a cop “jaante ho main kiska/kiski beta/beti hoon…?”
12. for guys alone – scratched your (you know what) thinking that no one saw
13. scribbled on a protected monument
14. cheated in a school examination
15. been on “palace on wheels“
16. been to atleast 3 sanctuaries in India
17. sang something special…for someone special…
18. stayed up all night and saw the sunrise
19. met anyone from the indian cricket team
20. pee-ed on the road
21. milked a cow
22. ate sugarcane…the traditional way
23. stayed in a village without electricity for more than 2 nights
24. shopped for vegetables atleast 100 days in a year
25. paid a begger more than rs 100
26. had a househelper who was less than 15 years of age
27. been to a temple, a church, a gurudwara AND a mosque
28. stopped at the red light when no one else was…
29. requested for a song on the radio
30. called the KBC phoneline atleast once
31. waited in a queque for more than 2 hours
32. bribed your way through to get a government document
33. tipped your barber
34. driven a bike in 5 degree centrigrade…with your tee and shorts on
35. been to atleast 3 beaches in 3 separate states
36. been to the North-east
37. travelled to the lakshwadeep islands
38. hiked to the mansarovar lake
39. studied beyond the age of 23
40. started your own business
41. driven an ambassador
42. looked at the night sky through a telescope
43. slept under the stars
44. kissed your gf/bf right infront of your parents
45. gone dutch on your 1st date
46. washed someone else’s puke
47. cried in public
48. visited the taj mahal
49. seen a live cobra
50. had dinner with your domestic help…on the same table
51. worked on a 386 computer
52. tied/worn rakhi to/from a total stranger
53. danced naked in your room
54. cried infront of your parents, after the age of 18
55. touched your parent’s feet

life has been slightly hard lately…more cause of personal reasons. lekin theek hai…it moves on…!!!

~a

PS: and yah…feel free to add stuff to the above…which highlights true india.

trinnnggg….triiingggg….

Mirror: yo…not feeling urself?

Me: dont know dude….wanted to…but something doesnt feel right…

Mirror: i know…its strange right..when something tht is close to you…doesnt mean as much to someone else…

Me: I KNOWW….!! how cud they ever forget whatever happened….did they not feel IT…?

Mirror: maybe they did…and maybe thats precisely why they dont wanna feel it anymore. its not tht u left them with a choice…

Me: i am being selfish here…i always was…and i told them all through…at times to no avail…

Mirror: i am glad you realized that…

Me (smiling to himself): so…whatver i said that evening…is actually turning out to be true…

Mirror: hahaha….as if you didnt know it would.

Me: yahhh…it had to happen…and i dont think i should be bothered anymore…not anymore…

Mirror: :)

Me: thanks dude…

Mirror: thank her…

…………………………….hang up

the entire city infront of me….not a soul in sight…machines making their way through turns and lights…the skyscrapers blinking….my hands folding…my eyes closing…this was always meant to be…involuntary drops of water…my job is done…

Me: i let go…

~a

if i got the chance to click anyone of these snaps…

~a

Two face
Originally uploaded by jallen dragonhide (ToBeOr..).

the other day i was explaining to my manager the concept of a blog…the same way someone explained the concept of an orgasm (THANK YOU) to me…only a few days back…!

so anyways…he asked me a good question…”how does the world come to know of your blog”…”and how is it that you know of others”…

at that time i simply answered that you start circulating your blog amoungst your peers…so on and so forth…and the network builds. and its the same way that you get to know of other blogs..

and then…i went to my sitemeter…and checked out stuff. to my surprise..almost 70% of the clicks on my blogs r through referrals. which basically means they are unsuspecting individuals browsing some really high IQ blogs…until destiny takes them to mine…!

additionally…i also found that my blog comes up on google for the weirdest of all searches:

Search # 1
yana gupta lipstick ad (http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=yana%20gupta%20lipstick%20ad&meta=)
WWWWWWWTTTTTTTFFFFFFFF

Search # 2
who has remixed yeh zameen gaa rahi hain (http://www.google.co.in/search?hl=en&q=who%20has%20remixed%20yeh%20zameen%20gaa%20rahi%20hain&meta=)
holy shit…!!!!!

Search # 3
What does Ankur mean (http://www.google.co.in/search?hl=en&q=What%20does%20Ankur%20mean&btnG=Search&meta=)
thank god for a sane search


so…where do u come from…?

~a

PS: funny things are happening to me on orkut nowadays. next post…dedicated to…”adventures on orkut”

so remember…whenever consults try to mesmerize you with those bloody flybacks…think twice before you start having orgasm..

reached home at 6am thursday morning. was kinda tired because of the midnight flight…so slept..and woke up at 11…!

left home at 4pm on friday…rushed to office to file my expenses…and then caught the 9pm flight…

flyback…wasssuuuuuuuuupppppppp…!!!

but then yah…something is better than nothing. coming out of office on friday…i wished i cud go back to the time when i used to go home frm office…! i mean..even if at 8..or 9…(well…once even at 1am)…i was going home. and not some swanky…touch me oh so not…hotel room…! but then…thats life…

caught an awesome movie this wednesday “over the hedge” with A. awesome movie…had an absolutely brilliant time..completely hilarious and wonderfully crafted around a rather stupid storyline. muct watch..

then thursday (god..whats with me…am turning into a movie critic or something)…watched Corporate. wtf dude…does raj babbar have any..i mean ANYYY…idea of what market capitalization is. who in this world…while talking to normal humans…makes statements such as…jaante ho kitni badi company hai…iss company ka M-A-R-K-E-T C-A-P-I-T-A-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N 6000 crore hai…! i mean…for god sake…this is not vajpayee land..its business..!

overall…rather stupid movie…very factual though..will give you a insight into how businesses in their worst form function…and how everyone seems to be running by the “the social responsibility of business is to make profits” paradigms…!

on the way back…watched RDB again…and cried yet again…! thats a movie…thats a movie…!

work is coming along well…am having orgasms over the model i am creating nowadays…hv done it right frm stratch and its so much fun. i love excel…(can see E going…”hadnt i been sayin it…i’d been sayin it for god damn yrs..”)


net net:
dubai is a nice place…but delhi rocks…
and dont travel air india…if u dont like watching the same movie..and the same food…for a month..

life’s good…

~a

and this was in the last week…

GSB organized a party after 40 days…and boy…people surely missed having one all this while…if the speed with which the booze flew was any indication…! Scheduled to start at 9.30…there were 5 guys at the party by 11.30…3 of which were the organizers…! Our hypothesis was that people will come straight to the party after turning in the ‘world literature’ assignment at midnight.

And we were right…

At 12.30…there were atleast 60 odd people…swarming the bar…sucking the ‘honey’ out of it all…! DJ199 was trying his hard to bloody get those people moving their arse and start to boogie-woogie a bit…but to not much success. He must have tried everything under the sun…rang de Basanti 3 times in 10 minutes…(the song is 2 minutes btw…!)…tera suroor…uska suroor…summer moon…winter sun…what not…! But nahhhhhhhhh…liquor comes first dude…

And then comes VS… “boss…aisa hai…thoda sa Amitabh chala do. Phir dekhna”. WTF…! Amitabh???? What is this…? The 80s…! what are we…? AB addicts??? But then…you know sometimes…it’s a good thing that people who are older to you…are there to tell you what to do. We got a CD of his originals…and started… “o rang barse…bhege chunarwari…rang barse…”

The crowd went mad…!

1.30am…atleast 100 people on the dance floor…
“jiski biwi kaali…o kaali hey kaali…jiski biwi kaali…uska bhi bada naam hai…”

It was pretty much an exciting ride from then on. Music went up till 5.30 in the morning…non-stop…from bangra to trance to rock to pop..! mind blowing fun…! I danced like crazy…

At the end of it all…I had been kissed…ok…on the cheek…and ok…by 4 guys…! not to mention that atleast 5 more had threatened to kill me as well…for the music that was being played…! :)

Good fun…


The quiz is happening at 5…! Should be fun…only if people turn up in the right numbers…! Lets hope…!


Looking forward to the week…the party on the 1st…and then the goa trip…! Yay…!

~a

· Days are passing…

· Emotions are sounding more like their definition…

· Academics is experiencing the worst neglect in years…

· There are more movie DVDs on my table than E’s hair (!!!!)…

· More books than the DVDs…

· Have started clicking randomly with my digicam (finally!!!)

· Sleep at 5…wake up at 9…both a.m.!

· Gym for 2 hours

· 3 magazines everyday

· Khushwant singh rocks in “truth love and a little malice”

· Went out for an awesome dinner to Waterfront with E and S…brilliant food…fun company…!

· Played cricket for 10 hours over 2 days

· Have finalized a trip to goa in the 1st week of april.

· Am conducting a quiz this weekend

· Open air screening of movies shall begin from tomorrow

· Feel sorry for the behavioral finance prof every Monday and Wednesday…but then…

· Totally enjoy the world literature ‘discourses’ by Rajeshwar…!

· Only 2 weeks to go…

· Only 2 weeks to go…

Life…!

~a

PS: shall be uploading a lot of snaps clicked during this period. The 1st set is available at http://www.flickr.com/photos/warikoo/sets/72057594086540951/

Yesterday was a pretty crappy day…except for the closure…(which btw happened only today…). Read on to decipher the cryptic statement…!

It all started in the morning…all was good…till…never mind…! So anyways…I was really really hoping to close my books yesterday…wrt my friends and their placements. Unfortunately things didn’t work out as expected…which was pretty sad. I was feeling low the entire day…actually tense…

Add to that the bloody movie…page 3…depressing shit. I hated the movie for its truth…one of those rare moments when I wish I never knew the truth.

But then…it was awesome spending time with myself. Everyone had gone out…and I am glad I didn’t go. Watched the movie…went for a walk…and it was breezy and cold…came back…wrote some stuff…and basically just had a good time with myself…!

The girls came back from dinner…so went to catch up on S and E. Spend some good time with E…she is cute when she is high…! :)

Then P called up and asked to come over. Went there…and the entire FOGP was there…and U as well. started chatting…absolutely every shit under the sun…ate maggi…drank…tea…started playing games…decent ones…had an awesome time…

Time: 5.45am…

“ab too sunrise dekhke hi soyenge…”

All of us go to the roof garden…awesome breeze…the moon almost fading out…sitting there doing nothing…absolutely still…looking at the campus top down…and how small things r from such a perspective…


Good ending…!

~a


PS:

1st leg of the placements is over. However, the work is far from over. Companies are lined up for this week as well…

The next one month…system sudhaar andolan. Will make sure that all the loopholes in the system are fixed to the best possible manner. No padhai this term…only social service…! :)

Work work work…that’s been the mode for the past 3 days. The numbers r looking good…though there is still a lot of work to be done.

1. Sleep still remains an elusive dream…not more than 4 hours of it…!
2. I am running out of formal shirt…am passing off checks as formals now..!
3. Ties are even worse…wearing a blue tie…with a blue shirt…same shade…! :)
4. Legs are worse hit…who the f was the inventor of formal shoes…and at what point of time exactly was he planning to think on the lines of comfort…!!!!!!!

But largely its all good…is fun going through recruitment data…looking at loopholes and areas of concern…interacting with recruiters…convincing them of stuff…living off juice and sandwich…hanging out at the CAS office at SV1 (I just realized I haven’t been to the academic block for 4 days now!!!)…and what not…!

Things are shaping up…plz keep praying

~a

PS:
Friends Update
1. P got Castrol yesterday…he rocked it…!
2. A didn’t make it to the Castrol list. She has bharti today…so does banno and S
3. E has Hewitt and J&J. hope she makes it to Hewitt…plzzzzzzz
4. B got Irevna at 4 in the morning…! :)
5. S got TCG…and she might take it…!
6. 11 more to go…cmon guys…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scene 1:
Jaliawala bagh… “aapka aagyakaari beta…Bhagat Singh…”

Scene 2:
The tricolor is folded and presented to the mom, at the funeral

Scene 3:
The door-bell rings…mom goes to open the door. 2 soldiers with the trunk of her son

Scene 4:
“itna sab ho gaya aur main sirf dekh raha hoon…saala humhaari kuch aukaad nahi hai…”…(cries inconsolably)

Scene 5:
“…sochta hoon ki humhaare bacche kale honge ki gore…”… “hahahahahaha”… (gun shots)…


5 scenes…5 characters…my eyes…my tears…my feelings…my helplessness…

Rang De Basanti…! Rocking…!


I saw it for the 2nd time today…and the emotions are just the same. Such movies are not really movies…they are an experience…an experience that leaves my mind disturbed. I wish I could do something…I want to do something…but feel bound by so many things. It’s so hard to let go…when there is so much attached to you. But then…that is precisely why sacrifice is so hard…!


Suddenly the placements…this MBA…this anxiety and this ‘survival’ seems so trivial…! And yet here I was…preparing bloody cases and taken personal interviews…at times questioning…why…?


At times…it takes a movie to make you realize your worth…or the lack of it…!

God I loved the movie…

Watch it…!

~a

Sometimes I really wish I wasn’t at B-school…or in the corporate world…or anywhere close…

I wish I was working with nat-geo…clicking for them. Just me and my camera…! And my subject. Cause I possible cant even attempt to replicate the energy I derive from pressing that shutter button…imagining the result…from anything else that lies ahead of me!

Till this date my heart pounds when I go to collect my snaps…! I am a victim of my own expectations…and at times I really wish I could make it into my life…

…But I am no good at the art…
…but I don’t have the guts…!

Someday…



My Bharatpur snaps of nature…some of them…

http://www.flickr.com/photos/warikoo/sets/72057594049917951/


~a