ankur Warikoo

Reminds me of the kings, who long after their ‘kingdom’ had vanished, still insisted that they are kings and insisted on living that way!

Air India, yet again (but this time bigger and better!) posted losses, amounting to a shocking Rs 7,226 Crores in the last 2 fiscals! Ok…let me take that back. Its not shocking, more like expected!

But THIS is shocking

AI issued an order allowing chairman and managing director Arvind Jadhav and his spouse to travel first class on its flights, whether on work or leisure. The order also allows serving chief executive’s parents and children to travel in AI’s business class during vacation.

The mayhem continues

The diktat making it mandatory for senior officials to fly only economy class, part of AI’s much touted economy drive, has also been reversed in this latest order

And stamping it down is the addendum

AI and IA’s retired CMDs or MDs will be entitled to business class travel along with their spouses, parents and children. The same will apply to people who retired from the posts of DGM to corporate directors

Read the entire shit here…! And honestly, it is shit!

…i hope never…(or for that matter I hope someday!)…

But this is what Mr. Thackeray (no, the old almost dead one…not the young ‘always orgasming’ one!) believes Sachin has done by commenting that “Mumbai is part of India”

“There was no need for him to take a cheeky single by making such remarks,” Sena mouthpiece ‘Saamna’ quoted Thackeray as saying.

and hey…friggin entire India comes together…and this time not to simply light candles on India Gate (with all due respect…but really…candles…solidarity…??)…but barging full-on to face the Thackerays! Ofcourse they all know that no one will ever vandalise their house for doing so…since Tendulkar is god in India…and anyone even coming remotely close to branding him otherwise will only draw flak! Least…the political party will loose all voters..!

I dont get it…politics! What was the old man thinking…?? He knew this would become a national “breaking news”. And its not even something that will draw appreciation from some quarters of the society. Anyone who says anything against Sachin is bound to be either drugged, or made to confess so by Delhi Police…(or both..!). So whats the point…!

But maybe he has one…

On the other side…ofcourse a lot of people have found their moment of fame by coming up with their two pence on what they think about Sachin’s statement! HT covered some of them….one of which was a masterpiece

“Mumbai is the capital of Maharashtra, which is part of India. Mumbai is, therefore, an integral part of India”

Thanks Sherlock! Thats exactly what we had in mind when we asked you if you felt Mumbai was a part of India.

Then the Karnataka Chief Minister B S Yeddyurappa should thank you!

An RTI reply has revealed that Yeddyurappa has spent a staggering Rs 1.7 crore to renovate his bungalow, Rs 35 lakh of which went into redoing his bedroom.

Read the gory details here

On one hand, I find it amazing that such level of information can be procured in this country…andthe ones procuring it are people such as you and me – fed up of living in the “chalta hain” scheme of things!

And on the other, I find it unfortunate that this very chief minister will come back to power, if you will, because he will distribute rice at Rs 2 per kg!

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I travel 38 kms one-way to work! And I am blessed because the road to office is awesome..and it hardly takes me 45 minutes to cover it. However, if a certain 7km stretch of the road (which I avoid…infact everyone except the trucks avoid) was to be repaired…the same distance would reduce to 32kms and under 40 mins.

Yah…its not a lot…6kms or 5mins…but if you cover this over the number of vehicles that travel this route everyday, you will wonder why no one bothers to just repair the road! A few lacs…and god knows how much will be saved in time, effort and money!

I did write to the Department of Roads, Haryana and was told that this road falls under the Highway department. I wrote to them…and never got a response!

And to think of it…I am friggin complaining about my life…when I am aware of several others who spend twice as much time on the road…covering half the distance I travel!

Recall your younger days playing cricket…when the smarter guys used to bowl you out…and you started sobbing and went “yeh meri ball…main ghar jaa raha hoon…mujhe nahi khelna” (this is my ball…am going home and not playing anymore)

well…it seems some really old guys also suffer from the same

BJP Blames EVMs for assembly elections loss

BJP Concedes defeat in Maharashta; Blames MNS

such babies…! and such joy to see them defeated!

In the biggest WTF this year, Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples,” the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.

ummm…WHAT…???

He has been in office for friggin 8 months…or 9…whatever…! Even more…he would have been in office around 2 weeks even the deadline (Feb 01) of the Nobel Prize closed. So basically, someone was so overwhelmed with the Obama “Yes We Can” that he went ahead and nominated him. And the committee too was so mesmerized that they friggin awarded him!

Dont get me wrong here…I like the guy…he seems nice and is trying to do stuff. But honestly, he speaks more than he delivers. We have seen enough instances of his reaching out to the masses like never before, ala Rahul gandhi, but cmon, with the shit that the US is going through he better be doing stuff too. To me this award is more of an appreciation of what he intends to do, than a reward for what he has done. And hey…thats not what the award is meant to be for!

In bigger WTF…did you know that some jackass nominated Hitler for the awards too!

As long as DUDES such as Manmohan Singh continue to exist…

this is by far the best speech delivered by an Indian politician…
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3265909.cms

“…I have often said that I am a politician by accident. I have held many diverse responsibilities. I have been a teacher, I have been an official of the Government of India, I have been a member of this greatest of Parliaments, but I have never forgotten my life as a young boy in a distant village.

Every day that I have been Prime Minister of India I have tried to remember that the first ten years of my life were spent in a village with no drinking water supply, no electricity, no hospital, no roads and nothing that we today associate with modern living. I had to walk miles to school, I had to study in the dim light of a kerosene oil lamp. This nation gave me the opportunity to ensure that such would not be the life of our children in the foreseeable future.

Sir, my conscience is clear that on every day that I have occupied this high office, I have tried to fulfill the dream of that young boy from that distant village…“

this is it….ladies and gentlemen…this is it. mankind has finally found a negative IQ species….and like everything else….this too lies in India…

presenting…

the former human friggin development minister of india…

He viewed that sex education will transform student teacher relation into that of a man and a woman. “I think the government wants to import the western culture of sexual relation between student relation to India,” he said.

He said introduction of sex education was what multinationals did to create the desire for sex among teenagers to sell their products. “It is not sex education. It is education to sell condoms,” he alleged.

Catch the story…at your own risk…


and if this wasn’t enough…we have UP teachers (crap…how did Bihar lose out!!)…crying out loud…

“The books on sex education supplied by the government should be promptly withdrawn,” “If they fail to do so by July 21, we will be compelled to make a bonfire of these books in public.” “We have decided to take this extreme step in the larger interest of both students and teachers,” he added.

ummmm…whose interest….again…????


I have an idea…
why dont we get all the politicians together….

actually…you know what…
i give up….

~a

am a disillusioned person lately…

i have always believed that education is the solution to a lot of problems facing the world today. ofcourse…arjun singh also believes so…but he takes the entire concept a little too far…! and yah…even with a world of only PhDs…we might still have bappi lahiri composing music…and going…”pyaar beeeena chaaaeeeennnn kahaan re….yaar beeenaa chaaaaeeeennn kahaan re…”

anyways..so yeah…education…everyone felt that…and so did i…and i didnt think i was wrong. typically you would have the educated class as the one who thinks the way humans shud…with a constant struggle to educate the society…and ‘better’ it even further…

and then…my hypothesis was tht people who fall into bad hands are the ones who are vulnerable…who are soft and weak..! imagine a dude…born into a poor family…for him struggle is his destiny…! he will hv to work a lot of things off…to get to a good level in society. some might succeed…many probably wont…

and then will come the easy way outs…the underworlds…the robbers…the petty thieves…the peddlers…

F***…NO….thats not true…!!

“…The first Indian national known to have participated in a suicide bombing outside the country…”

he is a friggin nuclear physicist….a friggin PhD…a product of cambridge university…who had everything working for him…! he had a family that cared for him…a country that respected him….foreigners who trusted and let him in…

and he is a terrorist today….

why dude….why….? what wasnt right…?

why…

~a

no seriously…where did it jst go.

shit loads has happened in the last month…and each time i reached out the the laptop to blog about it…darn…forget it…how am i kiddin… i jst didnt feel like writing…thts it….! :)

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Media and Entertainment totally sucked me in last month…work was awesome…and painful…long hrs…no social life…weekends jst went by trying to think of how i cud hv used them better….and weekdays jst didnt exist. as my Gtalk status once said…”its like pregnancy…lots of pain but you like what comes out in the end” (courtesy PM)

but tht was then. things changed last week….when we met the client…and he was like…superb…sold…very well done…why dont u start working on the vision now. think of something that has never been done before…

and we were like…WTF

now dont get me wrong…these vision-mission stuff are good…companies hv survived on them…and am sure bal thackeray had one too when he ordered his warriors to storm cafes in protest of orkut…! but after 6 weeks of high rigor…and market interviews and business modelling and what have yous…when one asks you to start thinking of vision…it sucks…

or in other words…the phase of ‘intellectual masturbation’…begins…

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was reading a newspaper article on the environment day. if the screw up that we humans indulge in isnt enough…the paper had conducted a survey…with some startling results…

witness this…

Q. A shower for 5 mins consumes more water than a bucket of water

a certain section of society (naming them cud hv a bal thackeray lookalike run after me…and i am too young to die!) had 55% replying yes. which is good…! however…45% said no…! whattttttt?????? half the population in that particular area thinks that a bucket of water and a 5 min shower are equal..?????

i really hope that their showers are the ancient ones…u know th sorts wherein some shit dirt particle has blocked all but one pore in the shower..!

there is more…

Q. Brushing your teeth with running water consumes less than a litre of water

55% yes…45% no…and you know what. THE SAME FRIGGIN SECTION…!! what retards live in this world that believe this shit…and screw not jst their life but the rest of the world’s too….and then if the government says that we are raisin water bills…go on a violent bandh….kill some people…and continue to bloody brush under running water..

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but then the government is not the best either…

a hate community on orkut gives some bastardos the right to barge into cafes and destroy private property. and if that wasnt enough…the government sets up a committee to decide whether orkut should be banned or not..

why dont we do something simple. create a separate world for them. i know of some reclamation experts…who can easily recreate land on water. there is lots of space in the arabian ocean. lets jst build a sweet sexy world…where guys and girls are never together…15th feb comes right after the 13th…there is no internet and thus no hat communities…and oh…a news channel that always talks of the indian cricket team winning…so as to keep them under control. now that would work..

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and hey you guys…tell me something…whenever you apply for a competitie examination…do you call yourself ‘general’ category…? how are you sure..? can you show me a certificate proving that you are general…! if not…i suggest that you pick up the nearest kerosene tank…and burn your neighbour’s cycle. control dude control…the bus will be next…but jst practise before…!

everyone is fighting for a community status dude…i think we should too..!
what…what…national damage…? social inconvenience..? death…? dude…what are you…a moron..??? jst call some news chanels later and ask for an apology. over..!

and hey…if any news channels attempt to cover your violence…dont feel ashamed..! smile right in the face of the camera…

there…now u deserve the general status…jai hind..!

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strange thing happened today…was on my way back home talking merrily on the phone…when the traffic cop stopped me. now…i admit…my car is a traffic cop’s dream come true. i always talk on the phone…(its a long story why i dont use a handsfree…but hey…am still a nice guy!)…hv dark tints…and play decently loud music.

and plus…i am an honest tax-paying citizen

so this guys stops me…and starts off…2K for cellphone…2K for tints and 1K for pollution certificate. am keeping ur RC…plz come and pay this at the traffic center within 15 days….

whooaaa….hold on mate…! so first…show me the fine sheet…tht states the amt…

he didnt hv tht…

ok…fine…i will trust u on the amt…and am ready to pay it right now. give me the receipt for tht and let go off my RC

no sir…cant do…u hv to pay at the center. we dont accept challans here. this is not haryana law. i will hv to keep ur RC.

give me the number of ur ACP traffic..will ask him abt this law.

dont hv…cant share…

show me ur ID card

haryana govt stopped issuing them in aug 2006…

which means that i too can wear the same shirt / trouser as urs and start collecting moolah…

what do u mean moolah…u think we are here to take a bribes something…

oh u r not…great…so either u take the entire challan right now and give me the receipt..or u jst get the big shit out of my car…

i wont…

fine…let me take you to the traffic headquarters there…we will discuss the matters there…

ok ok..leaving…but get these tints off in 2 days…


Conclusion:

1. Most of these guys…i was later told by a frnd…do not position themselves on the location they ought to be. which is why they dont have those challans books with them. So always ask for their ID…always ask for the challan…and plz use bribe as the last resort…not the preferred one..

2. I did commit a mistake…and i ought to have paid. but i didnt…! and i cudnt care less…because of the way he conducted himself…! dont if i am wrong here…comments invited…

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went to naukuchiatal for the weekend…fantastic lake place 25 kms frm Nainital in North India. stayed in an awesome private cottage…and had a much needed break.

here are some snaps…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/warikoo/sets/72157600321509929/

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will be back soon…surely within a month…

~a